Hello,
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife very much and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This is not a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I think my wife is an amazing woman and always will. I also write about music every once-in-a-while :)
Two pieces of advice don't get one if there's any moral way to get out of it. Then if divorce is unavoidable, as it seems in our situation, then do as quickly as possible. When it goes on it can turn ugly really fast. I invited my wife to go see my lawyer today, so everything can be transparent. I'm not trying to hide anything and I'm not out to hurt her. Going to the lawyer today made everything 100% worse. (I'm now listening to angry music Bullet For My Valentine to help work out some of my anger. It's working!) Although it sounds oxymoronic I want a as peaceful divorce as possible and will continue to work towards that goal.
Looking forward to the first annual Rockin' The Red Robin party for Dicks Market alumni tonight. On this day of rain and snow I'm so glad I'm not going to a baseball game :) I'm compiling a list of people that worked at Dicks that have passed on. I'm also working on a list of where have former Dicks Market employee moved. I have a few on both lists. To add to either list please respond here. I'm so glad we are having this tonight. I need to get out and spend some time with friends and family.
Remember tell your significant other how much you love them and also show it to them each day. Divorce sucks for everyone involved.
themusicaddict
Friday, April 30, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Status Quo but looking up.
Hello,
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife very much and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This isn't a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of a painful divorce blog. My wife is an amazing woman and I always will think so. I also write about music every once-in-a-while :)
I haven't written a blog for a couple of days. I've been working by myself this week in my new job. For the most part things are going good, but there's still a bit of a learning curve. It's a very good job that is a very good fit for me. We are in the slow time of the month now, I get a 3 day weekend this week!
Tomorrow my wife and I are going to go see a divorce lawyer and hopefully finalize the divorce decree. This marriage could only be saved by a miracle. Instead of wallowing in it, it's time for both of us to move on. Hopefully in a month I'll be able to report the divorce is final. Thanks to all those that have been such a big support in this process. You guys have been invaluable.
Also tomorrow night I'll be going to eat dinner with friends and some of my kids. Then some of my kids will be staying over at my parent's house with me. The Jazz also play tomorrow night with the chance to move to the second round of the NBA Playoffs. If they make it that far, they've already made it further than I expected.
Pop culture thoughts. "FlashForward" is on tonight. I love that show.
Sioban Magnus getting kicked off of "American Idol" makes me sad. I haven't watched the last 3 weeks, but she was one of my favorite contestants. Its the same as last season: 4 guys and a women. (Wasn't that an 80's movie?) For the guys we have left Lee Dewyze (good), Casey James (good), Micheal Lynche (mediocre and I'm not sure how he's still around) and Aaron Kelly (seriously how's he still around? Damn tweens!) We then have the only remaining woman left in the competition Crystal "The Power of" Bowersox. I don't even care if she wins at this point. She'll be the most commercial of all this season's contestants easily. I think she'll also be the best. I've heard some of it's original music and it's pretty good. Google it if you want to check it out. Honestly other than Casey or Sioban I don't see a potential breakout star in this bunch.
I've listened to Daughtry's recent CD "Leave This Town", I've got to say Chris has had some bad relationships. His "Over You" was probably the most popular song off their/ his first CD. Then it seems all the songs on his new CD are about broken relationships. Dude go see a therapist. (By the way I was able to see my therapist yesterday, but she irritated me a bit. But I know that's part of her job and I'll get over it.)
I'm currently trying to read three books right now: Tom Clancy's "Red Rabbit", Sarah Blake's "The Postmistress" and Robert McCammon's "Swan Song". I just started "Swan Song" last night and a very hard time putting it down.
themusicaddict
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife very much and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This isn't a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of a painful divorce blog. My wife is an amazing woman and I always will think so. I also write about music every once-in-a-while :)
I haven't written a blog for a couple of days. I've been working by myself this week in my new job. For the most part things are going good, but there's still a bit of a learning curve. It's a very good job that is a very good fit for me. We are in the slow time of the month now, I get a 3 day weekend this week!
Tomorrow my wife and I are going to go see a divorce lawyer and hopefully finalize the divorce decree. This marriage could only be saved by a miracle. Instead of wallowing in it, it's time for both of us to move on. Hopefully in a month I'll be able to report the divorce is final. Thanks to all those that have been such a big support in this process. You guys have been invaluable.
Also tomorrow night I'll be going to eat dinner with friends and some of my kids. Then some of my kids will be staying over at my parent's house with me. The Jazz also play tomorrow night with the chance to move to the second round of the NBA Playoffs. If they make it that far, they've already made it further than I expected.
Pop culture thoughts. "FlashForward" is on tonight. I love that show.
Sioban Magnus getting kicked off of "American Idol" makes me sad. I haven't watched the last 3 weeks, but she was one of my favorite contestants. Its the same as last season: 4 guys and a women. (Wasn't that an 80's movie?) For the guys we have left Lee Dewyze (good), Casey James (good), Micheal Lynche (mediocre and I'm not sure how he's still around) and Aaron Kelly (seriously how's he still around? Damn tweens!) We then have the only remaining woman left in the competition Crystal "The Power of" Bowersox. I don't even care if she wins at this point. She'll be the most commercial of all this season's contestants easily. I think she'll also be the best. I've heard some of it's original music and it's pretty good. Google it if you want to check it out. Honestly other than Casey or Sioban I don't see a potential breakout star in this bunch.
I've listened to Daughtry's recent CD "Leave This Town", I've got to say Chris has had some bad relationships. His "Over You" was probably the most popular song off their/ his first CD. Then it seems all the songs on his new CD are about broken relationships. Dude go see a therapist. (By the way I was able to see my therapist yesterday, but she irritated me a bit. But I know that's part of her job and I'll get over it.)
I'm currently trying to read three books right now: Tom Clancy's "Red Rabbit", Sarah Blake's "The Postmistress" and Robert McCammon's "Swan Song". I just started "Swan Song" last night and a very hard time putting it down.
themusicaddict
Monday, April 26, 2010
Karma Gods are Smiling On Me!
Hello,
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife very much and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This isn't a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. Increasingly it's starting to be a in the process of healing from a divorce as well. Things are going good now, but I know there will be more bad days. I'm just glad the good days seem to be outnumbering the bad days now! My wife is an amazing woman and I always will think that! I wish the best to her in every way in her future. With four kids that we share we will still see plenty of each other and I want those times to be comfortable for us. I also write about music every once-in-a-while :) With the good days being more I'm writing more about music, I'm breaking out of my funk.
I'm not sure why but the karma gods have decided to smile on me. First of all I thought I was suppose to work 8:00 to 7:00 tomorrow. I found out today that I only have to work 11:00 to 7:00 tomorrow with a 1.5 hour lunch. That means I get to stay up later tonight, sleep in tomorrow and also exercise. Sweet! I'm going to party all night. At least my version of party, that means I'll be reading. I'll probably be reading a little "Postmistress" and the scriptures. I'm in Enos now.
I came home and found out my counselor called and she tentatively has an opening for me this Wednesday. That originally had gone to someone else, but that person canceled. I don't know if I'll get that appointment, I'm still waiting to find out. But the fact that it opened up for me at the perfect time seems to confirm that the karma gods are smiling on me. That seems fair as it has been a hellacious 6 weeks. This is how I'm feeling now :)
Other good things: I'm going to go eat with some friends that I haven't seen for a few years Friday. I will also be able to hang out with some of my kids Friday night and Saturday. I also continue to have good wishes roll in from old friends on facebook.com. I posted how grateful I was for all the positive support I've received from my friends. Guess what happens I get more positive support. That really makes a guy feel good. I also have a three day weekend coming up, my regular schedule is finally kicking in at my new job. (I'm feeling good but I'm trying not to gloat because I don't want karmic kickback in the teeth.)
I don't quite feel as good as the following song, but I'm getting there. This is the most joyous song ever about sex. Listen to the lyrics if you don't believe me. I heard this song at work today. I love this song:
In between the cheesy 80's videos I've also been listening to Michael Jackson's most unappreciated CD. That CD being 2001's "Dangerous". It has a lot of great songs. It's two most famous songs are "Remember The Time" and "Black or White". "Black and White" is one of my all-time favorite songs of Micheal's. This CD has some of his greatest but lesser know songs. For instance, "In The Closet", "Heal The World", "Who Is It", "Give In To Me", "Will You Be There", "Keep The Faith" and "Dangerous".
Here's "Give In To Me":
Last but certainly not least the Jazz are rolling, so far handling what I thought was a better Denver team quite easily.
themusicaddict
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife very much and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This isn't a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. Increasingly it's starting to be a in the process of healing from a divorce as well. Things are going good now, but I know there will be more bad days. I'm just glad the good days seem to be outnumbering the bad days now! My wife is an amazing woman and I always will think that! I wish the best to her in every way in her future. With four kids that we share we will still see plenty of each other and I want those times to be comfortable for us. I also write about music every once-in-a-while :) With the good days being more I'm writing more about music, I'm breaking out of my funk.
I'm not sure why but the karma gods have decided to smile on me. First of all I thought I was suppose to work 8:00 to 7:00 tomorrow. I found out today that I only have to work 11:00 to 7:00 tomorrow with a 1.5 hour lunch. That means I get to stay up later tonight, sleep in tomorrow and also exercise. Sweet! I'm going to party all night. At least my version of party, that means I'll be reading. I'll probably be reading a little "Postmistress" and the scriptures. I'm in Enos now.
I came home and found out my counselor called and she tentatively has an opening for me this Wednesday. That originally had gone to someone else, but that person canceled. I don't know if I'll get that appointment, I'm still waiting to find out. But the fact that it opened up for me at the perfect time seems to confirm that the karma gods are smiling on me. That seems fair as it has been a hellacious 6 weeks. This is how I'm feeling now :)
Other good things: I'm going to go eat with some friends that I haven't seen for a few years Friday. I will also be able to hang out with some of my kids Friday night and Saturday. I also continue to have good wishes roll in from old friends on facebook.com. I posted how grateful I was for all the positive support I've received from my friends. Guess what happens I get more positive support. That really makes a guy feel good. I also have a three day weekend coming up, my regular schedule is finally kicking in at my new job. (I'm feeling good but I'm trying not to gloat because I don't want karmic kickback in the teeth.)
I don't quite feel as good as the following song, but I'm getting there. This is the most joyous song ever about sex. Listen to the lyrics if you don't believe me. I heard this song at work today. I love this song:
In between the cheesy 80's videos I've also been listening to Michael Jackson's most unappreciated CD. That CD being 2001's "Dangerous". It has a lot of great songs. It's two most famous songs are "Remember The Time" and "Black or White". "Black and White" is one of my all-time favorite songs of Micheal's. This CD has some of his greatest but lesser know songs. For instance, "In The Closet", "Heal The World", "Who Is It", "Give In To Me", "Will You Be There", "Keep The Faith" and "Dangerous".
Here's "Give In To Me":
Last but certainly not least the Jazz are rolling, so far handling what I thought was a better Denver team quite easily.
themusicaddict
Dicks Market and facebook friends rule!
Hello,
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife very much and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This is not a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I think my wife is an amazing woman and always will. I also write about music every once-in-a-while :) (You've got to check out the new Slash and Lifehouse CD's. See previous blogs for more info.)
Thanks to all my facebook friends, you've been a great support to me as I go through this divorce. It's amazing I haven't worked for Dicks for 5 years (almost to the date now) and who are still my best friends? The people I worked with at Dicks. Thanks again for all your kind words and support. I'm going to dinner with some of you Friday night, if any of you also would like to go just send me a message through facebook and I'll give you the scoop. You can also e-mail through this blog or directly e-mail me at ichoosetobecougarblue@yahoo.com. If Friday isn't a good night, I'd still like to see you let me know when a good time is for you.
Thanks, themusicaddict
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife very much and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This is not a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I think my wife is an amazing woman and always will. I also write about music every once-in-a-while :) (You've got to check out the new Slash and Lifehouse CD's. See previous blogs for more info.)
Thanks to all my facebook friends, you've been a great support to me as I go through this divorce. It's amazing I haven't worked for Dicks for 5 years (almost to the date now) and who are still my best friends? The people I worked with at Dicks. Thanks again for all your kind words and support. I'm going to dinner with some of you Friday night, if any of you also would like to go just send me a message through facebook and I'll give you the scoop. You can also e-mail through this blog or directly e-mail me at ichoosetobecougarblue@yahoo.com. If Friday isn't a good night, I'd still like to see you let me know when a good time is for you.
Thanks, themusicaddict
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Slash is back, "Mad Men" and "The Postmistress"
Hello,
Here's another excellent CD, the new CD by Slash. It's very creatively titled "Slash". The CD features guest vocals of Ian Astbury, Ozzy Osbourne, Chris Cornell, Fergie and Wolfmother's Andrew Stockdale. My favorite song is the Fergie song, it's titled "Beautiful Dangerous". I love the work she does by herself and with The Black Eyed Peas. But at heart I think she's a rock chick. She sang a few months ago at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame with Mick Jagger, sang a Heart song on "American Idol" and now this song with Slash. That's just a great, great song.
Of course in each one of these songs Slash's guitar plays a major part. I thought this would be a vanity solo project for Slash. However most of these are very good songs. I wonder if he tried to get Axl Rose to come and sing on one of the tracks. Other good songs are Ian Astbury's "Ghost", Chris Cornell's "Promise", Andrew Stockdale's "By The Sword", Iggy Pop's "We're All Gonna Die" and Myles Kennedy's "Starlight". Kennedy is the lead singer of Alter Bridge, otherwise known as Creed without Scott Stapp.
I haven't seen the last two weeks of "American Idol" and I find that I'm living without it quite easily. I have those 4 past episodes to watch but I'm in no hurry to do so. I've got to my books to read right now. Right now I'm reading through Tom Clamcy's "Red Rabbit" and Sarah Blake's "The Postmistress". There's just so many great books to read. I went to the library yesterday and picked up 5 books, I probably won't finish reading through them all. I just like I can pick up a bunch of books and not have any buyer's remorse.
Also the excellent "Mad Men" returns for Season 4 on July 25th. 13 more episode of January Jones and Christina Hendricks!!!!!!!! I can't believe that show is already in it's fourth season.
themusicaddict
Here's another excellent CD, the new CD by Slash. It's very creatively titled "Slash". The CD features guest vocals of Ian Astbury, Ozzy Osbourne, Chris Cornell, Fergie and Wolfmother's Andrew Stockdale. My favorite song is the Fergie song, it's titled "Beautiful Dangerous". I love the work she does by herself and with The Black Eyed Peas. But at heart I think she's a rock chick. She sang a few months ago at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame with Mick Jagger, sang a Heart song on "American Idol" and now this song with Slash. That's just a great, great song.
Of course in each one of these songs Slash's guitar plays a major part. I thought this would be a vanity solo project for Slash. However most of these are very good songs. I wonder if he tried to get Axl Rose to come and sing on one of the tracks. Other good songs are Ian Astbury's "Ghost", Chris Cornell's "Promise", Andrew Stockdale's "By The Sword", Iggy Pop's "We're All Gonna Die" and Myles Kennedy's "Starlight". Kennedy is the lead singer of Alter Bridge, otherwise known as Creed without Scott Stapp.
I haven't seen the last two weeks of "American Idol" and I find that I'm living without it quite easily. I have those 4 past episodes to watch but I'm in no hurry to do so. I've got to my books to read right now. Right now I'm reading through Tom Clamcy's "Red Rabbit" and Sarah Blake's "The Postmistress". There's just so many great books to read. I went to the library yesterday and picked up 5 books, I probably won't finish reading through them all. I just like I can pick up a bunch of books and not have any buyer's remorse.
Also the excellent "Mad Men" returns for Season 4 on July 25th. 13 more episode of January Jones and Christina Hendricks!!!!!!!! I can't believe that show is already in it's fourth season.
themusicaddict
Lifehouse "Smoke and Mirrors", other Lifehouse music
Hello,
The hot new CD that I've been listening to is Lifehouse's "Smoke and Mirrors". Don't be a cheapskate, just buy the deluxe edition. Although I'm a little disappointed that the deluxe issue doesn't have the lyrics in the booklet. The first 6 songs of this CD are amazing. They are "all in", "nerve damage", "had enough", "halfway gone", "it is what it is" and "from where you are". I love the lead singer's voice, what a great voice. His name is Jason Wade. I'm sure some people would think their lyrics are corny, but I like most of them. If you've been through the dating/marriage wars you will relate to most of them. (Thanks to napster.com so that I can listen to that CD unlimited and youtube.com for a place to get these videos from.)
For instance in "all in" there is the amazing lyric, "I spent a week away from you last night". I've lived that lyric.
These lyrics come from "Had Enough"
Everytime I reach for you, there's no one there to hold on to
Nothing left for me to miss, I'm letting go, letting go of this
Lost my mind thinking it through, the light inside has left me too
Now I know what empty is, I've had enough, I've had enough of this.
Here's the video for "Had Enough".
These are lyrics from their current single "Halfway Gone".
Talk, talk is cheap
Give me a word you can keep
Cause you're halfway gone and I'm on my way
And I'm feelin, feelin feelin this way
Cause I'm halfway in but don't take too long
Cause I'm halfway gone, I'm halfway gone
Here's the video:
The songwriters in this band have been through the wringer, but they also have some very sweet lyrics. Here's some examples:
The following song is from their first CD "No Name Face", the name of the song is "Hanging By A Moment"
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me now...
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
There's nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That can change my mind
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you....
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
Just hanging by a moment (here with you)
Hanging by a moment (here with you)
Hanging by a moment here with you
Here's the official video for "Hanging By The Moment":
Another amazing song from their first CD, here's the lyrics for "Breathing":
I'm finding my way back to sanity, again
Though I don't really know what
I am gonna do when I get there
Take a breath and hold on tight
Spin around one more time
And gracefully fall back in the arms of grace
I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be
I am looking past the shadows
Of my mind into the truth and
I'm trying to identify
The voices in my head
God, which one's you?
Let me feel one more time
What it feels like to feel
And break these calluses off me
One more time
'Cause I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside your door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be
I don't want a thing from you
Bet you're tired of me waiting
For the scraps to fall
Off your table to the ground
I just want o be here now
*chorus*
And here's the official video:
themusicaddict
The hot new CD that I've been listening to is Lifehouse's "Smoke and Mirrors". Don't be a cheapskate, just buy the deluxe edition. Although I'm a little disappointed that the deluxe issue doesn't have the lyrics in the booklet. The first 6 songs of this CD are amazing. They are "all in", "nerve damage", "had enough", "halfway gone", "it is what it is" and "from where you are". I love the lead singer's voice, what a great voice. His name is Jason Wade. I'm sure some people would think their lyrics are corny, but I like most of them. If you've been through the dating/marriage wars you will relate to most of them. (Thanks to napster.com so that I can listen to that CD unlimited and youtube.com for a place to get these videos from.)
For instance in "all in" there is the amazing lyric, "I spent a week away from you last night". I've lived that lyric.
These lyrics come from "Had Enough"
Everytime I reach for you, there's no one there to hold on to
Nothing left for me to miss, I'm letting go, letting go of this
Lost my mind thinking it through, the light inside has left me too
Now I know what empty is, I've had enough, I've had enough of this.
Here's the video for "Had Enough".
These are lyrics from their current single "Halfway Gone".
Talk, talk is cheap
Give me a word you can keep
Cause you're halfway gone and I'm on my way
And I'm feelin, feelin feelin this way
Cause I'm halfway in but don't take too long
Cause I'm halfway gone, I'm halfway gone
Here's the video:
The songwriters in this band have been through the wringer, but they also have some very sweet lyrics. Here's some examples:
The following song is from their first CD "No Name Face", the name of the song is "Hanging By A Moment"
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me now...
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
There's nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That can change my mind
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you....
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
Just hanging by a moment (here with you)
Hanging by a moment (here with you)
Hanging by a moment here with you
Here's the official video for "Hanging By The Moment":
Another amazing song from their first CD, here's the lyrics for "Breathing":
I'm finding my way back to sanity, again
Though I don't really know what
I am gonna do when I get there
Take a breath and hold on tight
Spin around one more time
And gracefully fall back in the arms of grace
I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be
I am looking past the shadows
Of my mind into the truth and
I'm trying to identify
The voices in my head
God, which one's you?
Let me feel one more time
What it feels like to feel
And break these calluses off me
One more time
'Cause I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside your door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be
I don't want a thing from you
Bet you're tired of me waiting
For the scraps to fall
Off your table to the ground
I just want o be here now
*chorus*
And here's the official video:
themusicaddict
Saturday, April 24, 2010
"Dim", "RVM"
Hello,
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as very much as well. This isn't a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an very painful divorce blog. My wife is a great woman but she's not perfect. I do have some frustrations with her. This is a divorce I didn't want but she couldn't wait to kick me to the curb. I also write about music every once-in-a-while :)
I've worked the first 10 of 12 eleven hour shifts. I now have the weekend off to rest up for my final two 11 hour shifts. I also will be able to see my kids and dogs today. I also have a library book to pick up. It's a nice spring day also. I'm not sure which of my kids will be hanging out with me today, but we are going to go eat. I go to a different ward than the one they are used to, they feel uncomfortable going to my ward. For most of the time they should be able to come here on Fridays, that usually won't be a problem.
The divorce has been slowed down due to the fact that I've worked 114 hours the last couple of weeks. This next week I'm only working 36 hours, hopefully everything can get back on course this week. My first priority is to get in and see my counselor this week. I'm also going to try and see the lawyer this week. I'm guessing the divorce should be final in about a month.
Last week I had the feeling that my wife was changing her mind about the divorce. In order for us to avoid one of those 10 years down the road situations where I wished I had asked her straight out asked her about her feelings I just asked her straight out. She again confirmed to me that the decision for the divorce is the one for her.
I had started moving on by that point, but I just wanted to give our marriage one more chance. I have a profile up on match.com and have started talking to other ladies. Still at that point I would rather work on the marriage and maybe even reconcile eventually. She has a difficult time making a decision and sticking with it, however I'm taking this as "her final answer" (as Regis used to say.) We will always have a connection between us because we have 4 wonderful kids together. However that will be a lot less than obviously during the marriage. I think she's having a bit of a shock that I no longer respond to her beck and call.
I would like to thank my good friend, she knows who she is, for iming with me on facebook.com the other day. I was really feeling down about the marriage ending. However she also had a relationship end that day, we were able to talk. That helped me feel good. This person is just a friend and that is probably where it will end. But it was good to be able to have some one to relate to through this tough time. I hope to be able to talk to her again soon. I'm also setting up lunch plans with some other friends I haven't seen in a long time. I guess as the old saying says, "When one door closes, another door opens."
This is how I felt before talking to my new friend:
(Yes I know the video sucks and the sound is terrible so here are the lyrics.)
If you've got a picture of your face,
Could you leave it on your way out the door?
I don't care if it's color or black and white.
I just need something to remember you by.
Oh, before my life (went dim), before my life went dim.
Oh, before my life (went dim), before my life went dim.
No one told me the trouble I was in
before my life went dim.
I painted half my face all green.
Don't you know I painted half my face blue.
In hopes of showing you, both sides of me,
both sides of me.
I guess it came down to, don't you love me?
Don't you love me?
Can't this car go any faster?
Can't this car go any faster?
Can't this car go any faster?
Can't this car go, cause I can still see where I am.
Oh, before my life (went dim), before my life went dim.
Oh, before my life (went dim), before my life went dim.
You should've told me the trouble I was in
before my life went dim.
I'm moving on, looking to get the divorce final and then tentatively open up my heart to another lady. I may have more relationships but I only want to have one more marriage. It took me too long to get trained in the first marriage.
I'm moving on and my soon-to-be-ex-wife is accusing me of being cold, I'm not being cold. I'm just mentally moving on. She has been doing that since she told me she wanted a divorce. I had to go through a period of grieving, which I'm still going through, but now I'm starting to move on. (I'm down to only thinking of the ex about 85% of the time.) She's the one that won't let me read her blog and is blocking me on facebook, really who's the one being cold. It's okay that she's doing the things. She has got to do what she has got to do.
Again the ex is not a bad person, in fact she's a very good person. The following lyrics don't necessarily apply to our situation. Again this is how I'm feeling now and I'm sure things will change. Divorce is a big roller coaster with a lot of ups and downs.
I took a drive today
Time to emancipate
I guess it was the beatings made me wise
But I'm not about to give thanks or apologize
I couldn't breathe holdin' me down
Hand on my face kissin' the ground
Enmity gauged united by fear
'Posed to endure what I could not forgive...
I seem to look away
Wounds in the mirror waved
It wasn't my surface most defiled
Head at your feet fool to your crown
Fist on my plate, swallowed it down
Enmity gauged, united by fear
Tried to endure what I could not forgive
Saw things
Clearer
Once you, were in my...Rearview mirror...
I gather speed from you messing with me
Once and for all I'm far away
I hardly believe, finally the shades...are raised...hey...
Saw things so much clearer
Once you, once you...
Rearview mirror
Saw things so much clearer
Once you...oh yeah...
A non-divorce blog is coming tomorrow, I want to tell you about an amazing CD I discovered through some old friends of mine.
themusicaddict
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as very much as well. This isn't a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an very painful divorce blog. My wife is a great woman but she's not perfect. I do have some frustrations with her. This is a divorce I didn't want but she couldn't wait to kick me to the curb. I also write about music every once-in-a-while :)
I've worked the first 10 of 12 eleven hour shifts. I now have the weekend off to rest up for my final two 11 hour shifts. I also will be able to see my kids and dogs today. I also have a library book to pick up. It's a nice spring day also. I'm not sure which of my kids will be hanging out with me today, but we are going to go eat. I go to a different ward than the one they are used to, they feel uncomfortable going to my ward. For most of the time they should be able to come here on Fridays, that usually won't be a problem.
The divorce has been slowed down due to the fact that I've worked 114 hours the last couple of weeks. This next week I'm only working 36 hours, hopefully everything can get back on course this week. My first priority is to get in and see my counselor this week. I'm also going to try and see the lawyer this week. I'm guessing the divorce should be final in about a month.
Last week I had the feeling that my wife was changing her mind about the divorce. In order for us to avoid one of those 10 years down the road situations where I wished I had asked her straight out asked her about her feelings I just asked her straight out. She again confirmed to me that the decision for the divorce is the one for her.
I had started moving on by that point, but I just wanted to give our marriage one more chance. I have a profile up on match.com and have started talking to other ladies. Still at that point I would rather work on the marriage and maybe even reconcile eventually. She has a difficult time making a decision and sticking with it, however I'm taking this as "her final answer" (as Regis used to say.) We will always have a connection between us because we have 4 wonderful kids together. However that will be a lot less than obviously during the marriage. I think she's having a bit of a shock that I no longer respond to her beck and call.
I would like to thank my good friend, she knows who she is, for iming with me on facebook.com the other day. I was really feeling down about the marriage ending. However she also had a relationship end that day, we were able to talk. That helped me feel good. This person is just a friend and that is probably where it will end. But it was good to be able to have some one to relate to through this tough time. I hope to be able to talk to her again soon. I'm also setting up lunch plans with some other friends I haven't seen in a long time. I guess as the old saying says, "When one door closes, another door opens."
This is how I felt before talking to my new friend:
(Yes I know the video sucks and the sound is terrible so here are the lyrics.)
If you've got a picture of your face,
Could you leave it on your way out the door?
I don't care if it's color or black and white.
I just need something to remember you by.
Oh, before my life (went dim), before my life went dim.
Oh, before my life (went dim), before my life went dim.
No one told me the trouble I was in
before my life went dim.
I painted half my face all green.
Don't you know I painted half my face blue.
In hopes of showing you, both sides of me,
both sides of me.
I guess it came down to, don't you love me?
Don't you love me?
Can't this car go any faster?
Can't this car go any faster?
Can't this car go any faster?
Can't this car go, cause I can still see where I am.
Oh, before my life (went dim), before my life went dim.
Oh, before my life (went dim), before my life went dim.
You should've told me the trouble I was in
before my life went dim.
I'm moving on, looking to get the divorce final and then tentatively open up my heart to another lady. I may have more relationships but I only want to have one more marriage. It took me too long to get trained in the first marriage.
I'm moving on and my soon-to-be-ex-wife is accusing me of being cold, I'm not being cold. I'm just mentally moving on. She has been doing that since she told me she wanted a divorce. I had to go through a period of grieving, which I'm still going through, but now I'm starting to move on. (I'm down to only thinking of the ex about 85% of the time.) She's the one that won't let me read her blog and is blocking me on facebook, really who's the one being cold. It's okay that she's doing the things. She has got to do what she has got to do.
Again the ex is not a bad person, in fact she's a very good person. The following lyrics don't necessarily apply to our situation. Again this is how I'm feeling now and I'm sure things will change. Divorce is a big roller coaster with a lot of ups and downs.
I took a drive today
Time to emancipate
I guess it was the beatings made me wise
But I'm not about to give thanks or apologize
I couldn't breathe holdin' me down
Hand on my face kissin' the ground
Enmity gauged united by fear
'Posed to endure what I could not forgive...
I seem to look away
Wounds in the mirror waved
It wasn't my surface most defiled
Head at your feet fool to your crown
Fist on my plate, swallowed it down
Enmity gauged, united by fear
Tried to endure what I could not forgive
Saw things
Clearer
Once you, were in my...Rearview mirror...
I gather speed from you messing with me
Once and for all I'm far away
I hardly believe, finally the shades...are raised...hey...
Saw things so much clearer
Once you, once you...
Rearview mirror
Saw things so much clearer
Once you...oh yeah...
A non-divorce blog is coming tomorrow, I want to tell you about an amazing CD I discovered through some old friends of mine.
themusicaddict
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Apple's Amazing 2001
Hello,
I'm about 5 months behind in my magazine reading. I've finally got to the November 23rd, 2009 Fortune magazine. The cover story is about Steve Jobs and Fortune calling him the CEO of the Decade. I think that's absolutely right, I don't think anyone even came close to his 10 year run. Fortune lists some others that had good decades. Those people include Google's co-founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin, superstar investor Warren Buffet, Bill Gates (Microsoft- boo!) and Oprah Winfrey.
But no one had the decade that Steve Jobs did. I just want to highlight one year in this run: 2001. This is what happened for Apple that year. On January 9th, Apple introduced the iTunes application. On March 24th, Apple released the new Mac OS X Operating System. Then on May 19th Apple opened its first two retail stores. For trivia buffs those stores were in Tyson's Corner, Va. and Glendale, Ca. They have since introduced many other stores, including a store in my home city Salt Lake. Then on November 10th Apple began selling its first iPod. It's a 5GB iPod that Apple claims it can hold 1000 songs. As of November, 2009 over 220 million iPods have been sold.
To compare and contrast: "Today you can buy an 160 GB iPod that holds 40,000 songs for $249." (Thanks to Fortune magazine for the above information.
Also there have been 10 billion (with a b) songs sold on iTunes. Thanks to Billboard, here's the Top 25 from a couple of months ago. This was right after the 10 billionth song was sold. Next to it I put themusicaddict's grade.
1. Black Eyed Peas, "I Gotta Feeling" (B)
2. Lady Gaga, "Poker Face" (A)
3. Black Eyed Peas, "Boom Boom Pow" (C)
4. Jason Mraz, "I'm Yours" (D)
5. Coldplay, "Viva La Vida" (D)
6. Lady Gaga, "Just Dance" (B)
7. Flo Rida, "Low" (D)
8. Taylor Swift, "Love Story" (B+)
9. Leona Lewis, "Bleeding Love" (A)
10. Ke$ha, "Tick Tock" (B-)
11. Rihanna, "Disturbia" (B)
12. P!nk, "So What" (B)
13. Katy Perry "I Kissed a Girl" (A)
14. Beyonce, "Single Ladies" (C)
15. Katy Perry, "Hot N Cold" (C)
16. Kanye West, "Stronger" (C-)
17. T.I. feat. Rihanna, "Live Your Life" (C)
18. Plain White T's, "Hey There Delilah" (B-)
19. Flo Rida, "Right Round" (F)
20. Miley Cyrus, "Party in the U.S.A." (C-)
21. Journey, "Don't Stop Believin'" (A) This is by far the oldest song on the list.
22. Lady Gaga, "Bad Romance" (A++++)
23. Kings of Leon, "Use Somebody" (C-)
24. Owl City, "Fireflies" (B-)
25. The Fray, "How to Save a Life" (C)
To all of those going to the Daughtry/ Lifehouse concert tonight in Salt Lake, enjoy!
themusicaddict
I'm about 5 months behind in my magazine reading. I've finally got to the November 23rd, 2009 Fortune magazine. The cover story is about Steve Jobs and Fortune calling him the CEO of the Decade. I think that's absolutely right, I don't think anyone even came close to his 10 year run. Fortune lists some others that had good decades. Those people include Google's co-founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin, superstar investor Warren Buffet, Bill Gates (Microsoft- boo!) and Oprah Winfrey.
But no one had the decade that Steve Jobs did. I just want to highlight one year in this run: 2001. This is what happened for Apple that year. On January 9th, Apple introduced the iTunes application. On March 24th, Apple released the new Mac OS X Operating System. Then on May 19th Apple opened its first two retail stores. For trivia buffs those stores were in Tyson's Corner, Va. and Glendale, Ca. They have since introduced many other stores, including a store in my home city Salt Lake. Then on November 10th Apple began selling its first iPod. It's a 5GB iPod that Apple claims it can hold 1000 songs. As of November, 2009 over 220 million iPods have been sold.
To compare and contrast: "Today you can buy an 160 GB iPod that holds 40,000 songs for $249." (Thanks to Fortune magazine for the above information.
Also there have been 10 billion (with a b) songs sold on iTunes. Thanks to Billboard, here's the Top 25 from a couple of months ago. This was right after the 10 billionth song was sold. Next to it I put themusicaddict's grade.
1. Black Eyed Peas, "I Gotta Feeling" (B)
2. Lady Gaga, "Poker Face" (A)
3. Black Eyed Peas, "Boom Boom Pow" (C)
4. Jason Mraz, "I'm Yours" (D)
5. Coldplay, "Viva La Vida" (D)
6. Lady Gaga, "Just Dance" (B)
7. Flo Rida, "Low" (D)
8. Taylor Swift, "Love Story" (B+)
9. Leona Lewis, "Bleeding Love" (A)
10. Ke$ha, "Tick Tock" (B-)
11. Rihanna, "Disturbia" (B)
12. P!nk, "So What" (B)
13. Katy Perry "I Kissed a Girl" (A)
14. Beyonce, "Single Ladies" (C)
15. Katy Perry, "Hot N Cold" (C)
16. Kanye West, "Stronger" (C-)
17. T.I. feat. Rihanna, "Live Your Life" (C)
18. Plain White T's, "Hey There Delilah" (B-)
19. Flo Rida, "Right Round" (F)
20. Miley Cyrus, "Party in the U.S.A." (C-)
21. Journey, "Don't Stop Believin'" (A) This is by far the oldest song on the list.
22. Lady Gaga, "Bad Romance" (A++++)
23. Kings of Leon, "Use Somebody" (C-)
24. Owl City, "Fireflies" (B-)
25. The Fray, "How to Save a Life" (C)
To all of those going to the Daughtry/ Lifehouse concert tonight in Salt Lake, enjoy!
themusicaddict
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Yep, that's about it
Hello,
Working 11 hour day after 11 hour day doesn't leave a lot of time for variety and spice in one's life. That's sort of where I am. Although one week from today starts the schedule I'll be working most of the time. Other than the start of school I should be mostly working 25 to 30 hours a week. Right now I'm at work 55 hours a week, but I'm only working about 20 hours a week. There's a lot of dead time in my job, especially now. I'm getting a lot done on other things though.
Yep that's about it.
themusicaddict
Working 11 hour day after 11 hour day doesn't leave a lot of time for variety and spice in one's life. That's sort of where I am. Although one week from today starts the schedule I'll be working most of the time. Other than the start of school I should be mostly working 25 to 30 hours a week. Right now I'm at work 55 hours a week, but I'm only working about 20 hours a week. There's a lot of dead time in my job, especially now. I'm getting a lot done on other things though.
Yep that's about it.
themusicaddict
Random Thoughts for a Random Day
Hello,
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife very much and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This is not a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I think my wife is an amazing woman and always will. I also write about music every once-in-a-while :)
I'm in the middle of the 8th of 12 eleven hour days. This has been a lot of work but so far so good. It's well worth it. I've had an excellent trainer that has helped me learn a lot and get accustomed to the demands of my new job.
In the personal part of my life things continue to improve. I was able to talk to my wife a little this morning via chat. It's always good to talk to her. I've also started talking to other women, but I'm not officially in the market until the divorce is final. That's probably still about 4 weeks away.
With all these long hours I did not watch "American Idol" last week or last night. I will catch up on it once I have more time.
themusicaddict
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife very much and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This is not a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I think my wife is an amazing woman and always will. I also write about music every once-in-a-while :)
I'm in the middle of the 8th of 12 eleven hour days. This has been a lot of work but so far so good. It's well worth it. I've had an excellent trainer that has helped me learn a lot and get accustomed to the demands of my new job.
In the personal part of my life things continue to improve. I was able to talk to my wife a little this morning via chat. It's always good to talk to her. I've also started talking to other women, but I'm not officially in the market until the divorce is final. That's probably still about 4 weeks away.
With all these long hours I did not watch "American Idol" last week or last night. I will catch up on it once I have more time.
themusicaddict
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
The clouds are parting!
Hello,
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife very much and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This is not a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I think my wife is an amazing woman and always will. I also write about music every once-in-a-while :)
Hello, the clouds are parting from my life over the last couple of days. Instead of thinking about my wife 100% of the time, I'm now only thinking of her 90% of the time. That's a big improvement and I'm slowly healing and I hope she's doing the same. I'll always be there to help her with anything. I love her and will always love her as the mother of my children. She's given us some pretty amazing children- let's be honest the woman does all the work with having kids. The guys part is pretty easy and usually very enjoyable :)
I'm starting to lose my love towards her as my wife. After a recovery time, I hope to find someone else that I can love as my girlfriend, fiance and then wife. The soon to be ex put up with a lot and I'll be so much better in my next marriage. I'm also excited about the spice and variety that comes from change.
Only 5 more 11 hour day, now that's something I'm excited about as well. I hardly did anything at work today. However I was there 11 hours and I'm absolutely worn out.
I hope your life is going better than mine now, but at least things are going better for me.
themusicaddict
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife very much and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This is not a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I think my wife is an amazing woman and always will. I also write about music every once-in-a-while :)
Hello, the clouds are parting from my life over the last couple of days. Instead of thinking about my wife 100% of the time, I'm now only thinking of her 90% of the time. That's a big improvement and I'm slowly healing and I hope she's doing the same. I'll always be there to help her with anything. I love her and will always love her as the mother of my children. She's given us some pretty amazing children- let's be honest the woman does all the work with having kids. The guys part is pretty easy and usually very enjoyable :)
I'm starting to lose my love towards her as my wife. After a recovery time, I hope to find someone else that I can love as my girlfriend, fiance and then wife. The soon to be ex put up with a lot and I'll be so much better in my next marriage. I'm also excited about the spice and variety that comes from change.
Only 5 more 11 hour day, now that's something I'm excited about as well. I hardly did anything at work today. However I was there 11 hours and I'm absolutely worn out.
I hope your life is going better than mine now, but at least things are going better for me.
themusicaddict
Break Up Buddies
Hello,
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife very much and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This is not a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I think my wife is an amazing woman and always will. I also write about music every once-in-a-while :)
I was talking to a friend via facebook last night and we agreed to be break up buddies. She ended a relationship after 2.5 years yesterday. It was nice to have someone to talk to who knows what I'm going through. She also made me laugh several times. Two things that help me get over any difficult situation are music and laughter.
Today is Day 7 of the 12 eleven hour days that I'm working to start this job. It's a lot of hours but I keep on reminding myself I have Saturday off. I only work 5 days this week instead of 6.
Congratulations to the Jazz for pulling up a very surprising victory last night. They are without two of their big guns (no reference to the Skid Row song, which talks about something completely different) in Mehmet Okur and Andrei Kirilenko. However Carlos Boozer and Deron Williams took over the game. The series is now tied 1-1 with Game 3 being in Salt Lake City. Okur is out for the season, hopefully Kirilenko will be back soon.
themusicaddict
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife very much and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This is not a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I think my wife is an amazing woman and always will. I also write about music every once-in-a-while :)
I was talking to a friend via facebook last night and we agreed to be break up buddies. She ended a relationship after 2.5 years yesterday. It was nice to have someone to talk to who knows what I'm going through. She also made me laugh several times. Two things that help me get over any difficult situation are music and laughter.
Today is Day 7 of the 12 eleven hour days that I'm working to start this job. It's a lot of hours but I keep on reminding myself I have Saturday off. I only work 5 days this week instead of 6.
Congratulations to the Jazz for pulling up a very surprising victory last night. They are without two of their big guns (no reference to the Skid Row song, which talks about something completely different) in Mehmet Okur and Andrei Kirilenko. However Carlos Boozer and Deron Williams took over the game. The series is now tied 1-1 with Game 3 being in Salt Lake City. Okur is out for the season, hopefully Kirilenko will be back soon.
themusicaddict
Monday, April 19, 2010
Hayden Pantierre, Christina Hendricks, Whitney Houston and Hole's "Violet"
Hello,
There's been too much stress in my life of late about this blog, I'm going to try and write mostly about other things for awhile.
As you may or may not know I'm working twelve 11 hour shifts over a 2.5 week period. Today I finally hit the halfway point of that marathon. I work 55 hours this week, the following week I'll be working about 36 hours and the week after that about 30 hours. My trainer and I worked our butts off last week, we have pretty much got everything done for this part of the school. I work at a college bookstore. We are really busy around the start of the classes up until the end of the add/drop period. After that it slows down considerably. We are just finalizing the details of what we didn't do last week. Our store manual and my trainer are answering the final questions I have. His last day is this Friday. I should be 95% ready to go then. He has been a great trainer and has worked with me about 3 weeks. I have a couple of different people I can ask questions.
On the drive home today I was listening to the amazing Whitney Houston's "Greatest Hits". She rules as a proper queen should. Here's a few of her songs that I love so much.
Ahh, the 80's, again easily the best decade for music. Listen to her amazing voice. Here's two more songs: "One Moment In Time":
Here's another amazing ballad "Saving All My Love For You".
Speaking of gorgeous woman I watched "I Love You Beth Cooper" last night. It was not the greatest movie ever, but it's okay. However Hayden Panettiere and her hello panties are good. I never really thought she was that attractive but in this movie she's luminescent. She wears this skimpy outfit throughout the whole movie and is always is looking amazing.
I was never a big fan of "Zeroes". Remember it's tag line "Save the Cheerleader, Save The World" or some such nonsense. My tag line would've been "Save The Cliches and Save My Sanity". In fact I don't even know if that stupid show is on anymore. However Hayden is one gorgeous woman.
Speaking of gorgeous women, have you seen the new cover of Esquire magazine? It has one of the most amazing covers I've ever seen. This picture is so amazing that I have to have it on my blog twice. Do you blame me? Here it is:
I love 34 year old, red headed women:) Not only is Christina gorgeous, she's also in one of my favorite current TV shows, "Mad Men". Her fate was left a bit unsettled in "Mad Men" last season, hopefully this cover is a sign she's coming back. (Although I'm irritated Brian Batt's Sal Romano won't be back. He was my favorite character. January Jones is my favorite character to look at. I think she should get the next Esquire cover.)
A friend suggested this as a good breakup song, she called it an "angry girl" song.
And the sky was made of amethyst
and all the stars look just like little fish
you should learn when to go
you should learn how to say no
might last a day yeah
mine is forever
might last a day, yeah
well mine is forever
when they get what they want they never want it again
when they get what they want they never want it again
go on, take everything, take everything i want you to
go on, take everything take everything take everything i want you to
And the sky was all violet I want it again, but more violet, more violet
hey, i'm the one with no soul
one above and one below
go on, take everything take everything i want you to
go on, take everything take everything i want you to
i told you from the start just how this would end
when i get what i want i never want it again
go on, take everything take everything i want you to
go on, take everything, take everything i want you to
go on, take everything, take everything i want you to
go on, take everything, take everything i want you to
go on take everything take everything take everything take everything
themusicaddict
Clearing up misconceptions
Hello,
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife very much and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This is not a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I think my wife is an amazing woman and always will. I also write about music every once-in-a-while :)
My wife thinks I'm accusing her of having an affair, I have never implied that at all. My wife protects her chastity, that's one of the things I've always loved about her. (That's one of the about 1 million things I love about her.) She's a good LDS girl and no one is going to corrupt her. In fact this verse in Jacob 2:28 reminded me of my beautiful wife: "For I, the Lord God, delight in the chastity of women".
She also has cut me off from her life because I've got an attorney. She's feeling fragile because she cannot afford one. I keep on telling her she doesn't need one, but she doesn't trust me now. It hurts a lot that she has completely cut me out of her life. However I feel I have to follow through with the lawyer to take care of the legalese. It's not that I don't trust my wife because I very much do. Right now at this point I'm not very invested in this divorce. I want someone else to do the thinking for me that has legal experience. I try not to think about our divorce at all.
I am tentatively making my first steps forward though and slowly getting over my wife. Our divorce should be final in about 1 month.
themusicaddict
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife very much and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This is not a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I think my wife is an amazing woman and always will. I also write about music every once-in-a-while :)
My wife thinks I'm accusing her of having an affair, I have never implied that at all. My wife protects her chastity, that's one of the things I've always loved about her. (That's one of the about 1 million things I love about her.) She's a good LDS girl and no one is going to corrupt her. In fact this verse in Jacob 2:28 reminded me of my beautiful wife: "For I, the Lord God, delight in the chastity of women".
She also has cut me off from her life because I've got an attorney. She's feeling fragile because she cannot afford one. I keep on telling her she doesn't need one, but she doesn't trust me now. It hurts a lot that she has completely cut me out of her life. However I feel I have to follow through with the lawyer to take care of the legalese. It's not that I don't trust my wife because I very much do. Right now at this point I'm not very invested in this divorce. I want someone else to do the thinking for me that has legal experience. I try not to think about our divorce at all.
I am tentatively making my first steps forward though and slowly getting over my wife. Our divorce should be final in about 1 month.
themusicaddict
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Blog Post 500
Hello,
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife very much and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This is not a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I think my wife is an amazing woman and always will. I also write about music every once-in-a-while :)
I'm not really going to have a very exciting blog # 500. After having not talked to my wife for about a week, we talked quite a bit yesterday and a bit this morning. She has cut me completely out of her life because I'm getting a lawyer to represent me in the divorce. I just want some legal advice because I don't know what I'm doing. I don't want to make a decision now that my wife or I will regret in a few years. For that matter or that our kids will regret. With my busy schedule I won't be able to see my lawyer for about 10 days.
In our conversations she keeps on thinking I'm not taking responsibility for my actions that is ending our marriage. I'm taking full responsibility for those actions. I've apologized for those things several times now. Now it's time to move on from apologizing and to make the best relationship possible with my wife and kids.
Again I am taking full responsibility for my actions, but this song reminds me of my current situation.
This is my soon-to-be-ex-wife's response: "That's because you are getting an attorney that will have YOUR best interests at heart, not mine or the kids, but YOURS. If we are able to agree on everything there is no reason for one, so I'm protecting myself. You are changing the entire course of our relationship from here on out."
My response: Again I'm seeking legal help because I have no idea about getting a divorce and frankly don't have the time to study it. I don't care whose best interest the lawyer has, as I have my entire family's best interest at heart. She keeps on telling me she's "protecting" herself. Who is she protecting herself from? I'm not out to hurt her any, she'll see that when she sees the divorce papers my attorney files and they are virtually the same as my wife has them. I then loved her closing comment, "You are changing the entire course of our relationship from here on out." Um didn't she do that when she asked for a divorce? Yes I'm seeking much needed legal help but I'll always do what I can to make our relationship as good as possible. I have told my wife how much I still love her and miss her, does that really seem I'm trying to hurt her? (Thanks iTunes Lady Antebellum's "Need You Know" comes on. Great! I'll be glad when I can listen to that song and it not hurt like hell.)
For those of you who don't know that song, here it is:
There will be no countdown for "American Idol" today, with all the hours I worked last week I still haven't even watched last week's episodes.
Have a good day, themusicaddict
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife very much and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This is not a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I think my wife is an amazing woman and always will. I also write about music every once-in-a-while :)
I'm not really going to have a very exciting blog # 500. After having not talked to my wife for about a week, we talked quite a bit yesterday and a bit this morning. She has cut me completely out of her life because I'm getting a lawyer to represent me in the divorce. I just want some legal advice because I don't know what I'm doing. I don't want to make a decision now that my wife or I will regret in a few years. For that matter or that our kids will regret. With my busy schedule I won't be able to see my lawyer for about 10 days.
In our conversations she keeps on thinking I'm not taking responsibility for my actions that is ending our marriage. I'm taking full responsibility for those actions. I've apologized for those things several times now. Now it's time to move on from apologizing and to make the best relationship possible with my wife and kids.
Again I am taking full responsibility for my actions, but this song reminds me of my current situation.
This is my soon-to-be-ex-wife's response: "That's because you are getting an attorney that will have YOUR best interests at heart, not mine or the kids, but YOURS. If we are able to agree on everything there is no reason for one, so I'm protecting myself. You are changing the entire course of our relationship from here on out."
My response: Again I'm seeking legal help because I have no idea about getting a divorce and frankly don't have the time to study it. I don't care whose best interest the lawyer has, as I have my entire family's best interest at heart. She keeps on telling me she's "protecting" herself. Who is she protecting herself from? I'm not out to hurt her any, she'll see that when she sees the divorce papers my attorney files and they are virtually the same as my wife has them. I then loved her closing comment, "You are changing the entire course of our relationship from here on out." Um didn't she do that when she asked for a divorce? Yes I'm seeking much needed legal help but I'll always do what I can to make our relationship as good as possible. I have told my wife how much I still love her and miss her, does that really seem I'm trying to hurt her? (Thanks iTunes Lady Antebellum's "Need You Know" comes on. Great! I'll be glad when I can listen to that song and it not hurt like hell.)
For those of you who don't know that song, here it is:
There will be no countdown for "American Idol" today, with all the hours I worked last week I still haven't even watched last week's episodes.
Have a good day, themusicaddict
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Stef, " Meet Me Halfway"
Hello,
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife very much and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This is not a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I think my wife is an amazing woman and always will. I also write about music every once-in-a-while :)
By the way this CD is amazing. It's the Black Eyed Peas' "The E.N.D. (The Energy Never Dies). You seriously need to add it to your collection right now!
themusicaddict
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife very much and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This is not a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I think my wife is an amazing woman and always will. I also write about music every once-in-a-while :)
By the way this CD is amazing. It's the Black Eyed Peas' "The E.N.D. (The Energy Never Dies). You seriously need to add it to your collection right now!
themusicaddict
What do I get? A shattered heart.
Hello,
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife very much and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as very much. This isn't a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I think my wife is an amazing woman and always will. I also write about music every once-in-a-while :)
Again I was thinking this morning about the inequality of divorce and how much it pisses me off. My wife requested a divorce, although it was the absolute last thing I wanted to do I said "yes". The next morning after she told me she wanted a divorce I moved out. Where did I move to? My parent's house, where I'm very grateful they are letting me live. If it wasn't for my parents I have no idea where I would live. Where does my family continue to live? Still at the house that I worked hard and put a lot of time into keeping my family at that home. In the divorce class I attended with my wife, our last date, one of the speakers made a joke about how the wife and kids get to live in a nice house and the ex-husband is relegated to a dingy apartment. Once I move out that's all I'll be able to afford.
Guess who gets to have the kids, my wife still. When do I get to see them? Whenever I can, which with working 58 hours this past week was never. I thought it was understood with the wife that I wanted the kids every Saturday as that's the best day for me due to my work schedule. I asked too late and they are staying at my in-laws tonight. That will be two weeks in between me seeing my kids? How is that fair? It isn't. This isn't to the same scale but I don't even get to see my dogs.
She kicked me out and guess who still pays for much of her upkeep? Yes that's me. Over 50% of my take home pay goes to her and the kids. (I have no problem with that, but still...) Along with paying the health insurance and eventually rent, what else do I get to pay for? When I'm ready to start rebuilding my life, I get to pay for that to. That will leave me very little money, if any, to do that.
She was dissatisfied with the marriage and she kicks me out. She gets a fresh start in her home that I'm mostly paying for. What do I get? She's gorgeous and is going to start dating again. That means all my jealousies and aches will be intensified. However me on the other hand that has never been good with the ladies will be going through more rejection. She's also completely cut me out of her life and my imagination is running wild where she is now or who she is with. Uh, I hate this.
So for those keeping track at home. She gets a fresh start, the chance to find someone "tall, broad and handsome". She gets the house, the kids and me still paying for a lot of that.
What do I get? I get cast off in the wind and a shattered heart. Sarcasm alert: Yes this divorce thing is sure equitable. What a bunch of crap. I also get the constant unexpected reminders of her. We exchanged a few e-mails today, that was my first contact with her in 136 hours. After wards I was left feeling hurt and fragile. So yeah I "get" more hurt. From what my friends say I still have about another 10.5 months of this bullcrap.
Yes I'm very bitter about this inequitable system.
I think the following song describes this situation very well:
Country music talks about the inequibility of the divorce situation very well, here's a song from Mr. Tim McGraw.
themusicaddict
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife very much and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as very much. This isn't a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I think my wife is an amazing woman and always will. I also write about music every once-in-a-while :)
Again I was thinking this morning about the inequality of divorce and how much it pisses me off. My wife requested a divorce, although it was the absolute last thing I wanted to do I said "yes". The next morning after she told me she wanted a divorce I moved out. Where did I move to? My parent's house, where I'm very grateful they are letting me live. If it wasn't for my parents I have no idea where I would live. Where does my family continue to live? Still at the house that I worked hard and put a lot of time into keeping my family at that home. In the divorce class I attended with my wife, our last date, one of the speakers made a joke about how the wife and kids get to live in a nice house and the ex-husband is relegated to a dingy apartment. Once I move out that's all I'll be able to afford.
Guess who gets to have the kids, my wife still. When do I get to see them? Whenever I can, which with working 58 hours this past week was never. I thought it was understood with the wife that I wanted the kids every Saturday as that's the best day for me due to my work schedule. I asked too late and they are staying at my in-laws tonight. That will be two weeks in between me seeing my kids? How is that fair? It isn't. This isn't to the same scale but I don't even get to see my dogs.
She kicked me out and guess who still pays for much of her upkeep? Yes that's me. Over 50% of my take home pay goes to her and the kids. (I have no problem with that, but still...) Along with paying the health insurance and eventually rent, what else do I get to pay for? When I'm ready to start rebuilding my life, I get to pay for that to. That will leave me very little money, if any, to do that.
She was dissatisfied with the marriage and she kicks me out. She gets a fresh start in her home that I'm mostly paying for. What do I get? She's gorgeous and is going to start dating again. That means all my jealousies and aches will be intensified. However me on the other hand that has never been good with the ladies will be going through more rejection. She's also completely cut me out of her life and my imagination is running wild where she is now or who she is with. Uh, I hate this.
So for those keeping track at home. She gets a fresh start, the chance to find someone "tall, broad and handsome". She gets the house, the kids and me still paying for a lot of that.
What do I get? I get cast off in the wind and a shattered heart. Sarcasm alert: Yes this divorce thing is sure equitable. What a bunch of crap. I also get the constant unexpected reminders of her. We exchanged a few e-mails today, that was my first contact with her in 136 hours. After wards I was left feeling hurt and fragile. So yeah I "get" more hurt. From what my friends say I still have about another 10.5 months of this bullcrap.
Yes I'm very bitter about this inequitable system.
I think the following song describes this situation very well:
Country music talks about the inequibility of the divorce situation very well, here's a song from Mr. Tim McGraw.
themusicaddict
Friday, April 16, 2010
"Flash Forward" rules
Hello,
After working my butt off for the last two weeks, today has been a rather slow day. We were suppose to get some shipments of books to come in but they didn't come in by 1:00. That means they probably aren't going to come in, that gives me 6 hours to kill with very little to do. I've done everything else I could possibly do, there's nothing that I know of that I can do. My store is fully operating but there's nothing to do. I've done everything I can do.
Anyway I thought it was going to be slow today, just not this slow, I brought my laptop with me. With all the downtime I decided to watch last night's "FlashForward" at abc.com. That's such a great show. In one of the main female character's, Olivia Benford, FlashForward she saw herself having an affair with another man. Although she's married and still allegedly loves her husband that FlashForward has started coming true. If you are married to someone else still should you be putting yourself in that situation. As is typical in these situations, her husband still doesn't know. Isn't the person being cheated on always the last person to know? When he finds out I can imagine the pain he will go through. Even if your relationship is on the rocks or in the process of getting a divorce don't you owe it to your spouse to be faithful until the marriage is over?
Although I have a profile up on match.com I've stated very clearly I don't want to meet until our divorce is finalized in 4 to 6 weeks. Just for that reason, you never know what could happen. It's better to be proactive and not meet than to meet and who knows where your hormones will take you. I'm glad that didn't happen in our relationship.
This is Dr. Olivia Benford, she's an amazing looking woman. Her real name is Sonya Walger. If she looks familiar to you she use to be on "Lost". With some time to kill I was doing some research on her and I found out she was born on June 6th. My wife was also born on June 6th, however my wife is one year younger. That's another one of those unexpected painful reminders of my beautiful wife. Those keep on coming out of nowhere, I guess that's what makes them unexpected.
But how can you not love someone as beautiful as this?
themusicaddict
First paycheck!
Hello,
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife very much and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This is not a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I think my wife is an amazing woman and always will. I also write about music every once-in-a-while :)
I received my first paycheck from Ambassador Bookstores today. After paying child support, alimony, money for Cobra for health insurance and money for life insurance that uses up 70% of each week's take home pay. Yes, I still have my wife and kids listed on life insurance as I still want to take care of them if something happens to me. Despite what my soon-to-be-ex-wife thinks I'm not out to get her. I still want to provide for her and our kids as much as possible. I'd like them to be able to keep living in the house. It's ironic I'm getting barely any of the benefits of being married, but I'm still paying a lot of my families bills as if we were still married.
I'm hoping I'm gaining some forward momentum and that it will continue.
themusicaddict
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife very much and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This is not a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I think my wife is an amazing woman and always will. I also write about music every once-in-a-while :)
I received my first paycheck from Ambassador Bookstores today. After paying child support, alimony, money for Cobra for health insurance and money for life insurance that uses up 70% of each week's take home pay. Yes, I still have my wife and kids listed on life insurance as I still want to take care of them if something happens to me. Despite what my soon-to-be-ex-wife thinks I'm not out to get her. I still want to provide for her and our kids as much as possible. I'd like them to be able to keep living in the house. It's ironic I'm getting barely any of the benefits of being married, but I'm still paying a lot of my families bills as if we were still married.
I'm hoping I'm gaining some forward momentum and that it will continue.
themusicaddict
In the belly of the beast!
Hello,
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife very much and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This is not a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I think my wife is an amazing woman and always will. I also write about music every once-in-a-while :)
Today another low in the weight battle. This Ambassador Bookstore exercise program is really working well! I have now lost 22.2 pounds. Now a lot of my clothes are starting to be too loose for me even to be able to wear them. If I lose too much more weight, which of course is what I want to do, I'll have to buy new clothes. In a couple of weeks hopefully I'll be able to go back to my regular exercise program. I want to continue to lose weight and continue working on my upper body. I want to be more toned so I won't be embarrassed each time I take my shirt off. I also read the last couple of chapters in 2nd Nephi last night, I'll be starting on Jacob tonight.
This being kicked out has been the most painful thing ever to happen to me, but it may also be the best. I'm eating less and a lot more healthy. I look forward to eating my daily banana. Also the weight loss, the scripture reading, the increased attention to my spiritual responsibilities and going to counseling. I hopefully will be able to go to the temple once this crazy work schedule is finished.
I work 8:00-7:00 today and then only a few hours more. Then Sunday I have the whole day off. Then it's back to the grind for 5 more 11 hour days and then it will be a whole weekend off. I worked by myself for the last hour last night and I'm working by myself all day today. That's good for me, it's forcing me to think for myself. Although I'm sure my trainer is at home waiting for a panicked call from me any minute. We've been working hard the last couple of weeks and done almost everything we could. That leaves very little for today. I took care of what I had to do this morning first thing. I've learned if I wait on things then I get overwhelmed. For me the best thing to do is to do things as they come. Although unless something surprising happens, it should be a pretty relaxed day today.
I still miss my beautiful wife and kids terribly. I haven't seen them since this past Sunday afternoon. I hopefully will be able to see some of them tomorrow and have them go to church with me on Sunday.
This morning I hit 108 hours since I last initiated contact with my beautiful wife. A couple of months ago that would have been unthinkable. It's amazing how much things can change in just a couple of months. When I think about that long space of no contact the following song goes through my mind: Whitney Houston's "I Didn't Know My Own Strength":
By the way yes I'll be glad when this goes back to being a full time music blog. I'm hoping that will start gradually happening in the next few months. Only 10.5 months until a full recovery hopefully :)
themusicaddict
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife very much and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This is not a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I think my wife is an amazing woman and always will. I also write about music every once-in-a-while :)
Today another low in the weight battle. This Ambassador Bookstore exercise program is really working well! I have now lost 22.2 pounds. Now a lot of my clothes are starting to be too loose for me even to be able to wear them. If I lose too much more weight, which of course is what I want to do, I'll have to buy new clothes. In a couple of weeks hopefully I'll be able to go back to my regular exercise program. I want to continue to lose weight and continue working on my upper body. I want to be more toned so I won't be embarrassed each time I take my shirt off. I also read the last couple of chapters in 2nd Nephi last night, I'll be starting on Jacob tonight.
This being kicked out has been the most painful thing ever to happen to me, but it may also be the best. I'm eating less and a lot more healthy. I look forward to eating my daily banana. Also the weight loss, the scripture reading, the increased attention to my spiritual responsibilities and going to counseling. I hopefully will be able to go to the temple once this crazy work schedule is finished.
I work 8:00-7:00 today and then only a few hours more. Then Sunday I have the whole day off. Then it's back to the grind for 5 more 11 hour days and then it will be a whole weekend off. I worked by myself for the last hour last night and I'm working by myself all day today. That's good for me, it's forcing me to think for myself. Although I'm sure my trainer is at home waiting for a panicked call from me any minute. We've been working hard the last couple of weeks and done almost everything we could. That leaves very little for today. I took care of what I had to do this morning first thing. I've learned if I wait on things then I get overwhelmed. For me the best thing to do is to do things as they come. Although unless something surprising happens, it should be a pretty relaxed day today.
I still miss my beautiful wife and kids terribly. I haven't seen them since this past Sunday afternoon. I hopefully will be able to see some of them tomorrow and have them go to church with me on Sunday.
This morning I hit 108 hours since I last initiated contact with my beautiful wife. A couple of months ago that would have been unthinkable. It's amazing how much things can change in just a couple of months. When I think about that long space of no contact the following song goes through my mind: Whitney Houston's "I Didn't Know My Own Strength":
By the way yes I'll be glad when this goes back to being a full time music blog. I'm hoping that will start gradually happening in the next few months. Only 10.5 months until a full recovery hopefully :)
themusicaddict
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Pain again!
Hello,
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife very much and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This is not a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I think my wife is an amazing woman and always will. I also write about music every once-in-a-while :)
Another damn long day, 11 hours of hard work. I have the stress of that but also the stress of missing my wife. She's so mad at me she's virtually has limited all contact from me. I haven't initiated contact with her in 96 hours, that's an incredibly long time for the two of us who have been married almost 16 years.
Is she mad because I'm getting a lawyer to represent me. I hope not because I'm going to keep about 95% of the divorce creed exactly the same. I still love her, although she's been out right rude, and our kids. I'm not out to get her or hurt our kids in anyway. There's just a couple of things I want to change in the divorce creed. With me working long hours until the 27th I won't be able to see the lawyer until after that. She'll be mad about that thinking I'm stretching out the divorce. This is the most painful thing in my life, why would I want to stretch it out? Within my power I'm trying to get resolved as quickly as possible.
I miss her so damn much and our kids the same. I was battling at work today a very long and hard day. I was thinking I need a woman to share life victories and challenges with. I'd prefer to do it with my wife, but if not I want to find someone else. I'm so very lonely. I want to be able to hold a beautiful woman in my arms again. I want to have the smell of a woman that just got out of the bathtub. I want to hear a feminine laugh and a sly teasing. This bachelor crap sucks.
themusicaddict
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife very much and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This is not a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I think my wife is an amazing woman and always will. I also write about music every once-in-a-while :)
Another damn long day, 11 hours of hard work. I have the stress of that but also the stress of missing my wife. She's so mad at me she's virtually has limited all contact from me. I haven't initiated contact with her in 96 hours, that's an incredibly long time for the two of us who have been married almost 16 years.
Is she mad because I'm getting a lawyer to represent me. I hope not because I'm going to keep about 95% of the divorce creed exactly the same. I still love her, although she's been out right rude, and our kids. I'm not out to get her or hurt our kids in anyway. There's just a couple of things I want to change in the divorce creed. With me working long hours until the 27th I won't be able to see the lawyer until after that. She'll be mad about that thinking I'm stretching out the divorce. This is the most painful thing in my life, why would I want to stretch it out? Within my power I'm trying to get resolved as quickly as possible.
I miss her so damn much and our kids the same. I was battling at work today a very long and hard day. I was thinking I need a woman to share life victories and challenges with. I'd prefer to do it with my wife, but if not I want to find someone else. I'm so very lonely. I want to be able to hold a beautiful woman in my arms again. I want to have the smell of a woman that just got out of the bathtub. I want to hear a feminine laugh and a sly teasing. This bachelor crap sucks.
themusicaddict
A new low!
Hello,
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife very much and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This is not a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I think my wife is an amazing woman and always will. I also write about music every once-in-a-while :)
I hit a new low this morning. Fortunately this is a good new low. As of this morning I have lost 21.1 pounds. It really helps that I'm on the Ambassador Bookstores exercise system. Yesterday we received in about 115 cases of books. I had to receive them into the computer system, organize them and put them in the proper place. That meant I was lugging a lot of heavy boxes yesterday, a project that took me about 9 hours. I'm not complaining because that helped the time go by fast. Yesterday just zipped along and I received a free workout. That workout was reflected in this morning's weight. I probably still have about 70 pounds left to lose though to be where I want to be.
The impending divorce continues to be very painful emotionally. However in other ways the impending divorce has been good. I've lost weight, got into counseling, have been reading the scriptures faithfully. I'm nearing the end of 2nd Nephi. When the divorce is final I look forward to finding another woman. I don't know how long that process will take. When I do get remarried I'll be much more prepared to be a fantastic husband.
Have a great day, Craig
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife very much and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This is not a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I think my wife is an amazing woman and always will. I also write about music every once-in-a-while :)
I hit a new low this morning. Fortunately this is a good new low. As of this morning I have lost 21.1 pounds. It really helps that I'm on the Ambassador Bookstores exercise system. Yesterday we received in about 115 cases of books. I had to receive them into the computer system, organize them and put them in the proper place. That meant I was lugging a lot of heavy boxes yesterday, a project that took me about 9 hours. I'm not complaining because that helped the time go by fast. Yesterday just zipped along and I received a free workout. That workout was reflected in this morning's weight. I probably still have about 70 pounds left to lose though to be where I want to be.
The impending divorce continues to be very painful emotionally. However in other ways the impending divorce has been good. I've lost weight, got into counseling, have been reading the scriptures faithfully. I'm nearing the end of 2nd Nephi. When the divorce is final I look forward to finding another woman. I don't know how long that process will take. When I do get remarried I'll be much more prepared to be a fantastic husband.
Have a great day, Craig
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
"Where Do Broken Hearts Go?"
Hello,
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. However for the record I want to say I love my wife still very much and I always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This is not a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I think my wife is an amazing woman and always will. I also write about music every once-in-a-while.
"Where Do Broken Hearts Go?" by the incomparable Whitney Houston.
"I Remember You"- Skid Row.
This song is a little too close to comfort for me right now, Poison's "Every Rose Has It's Thorn". I'm certainly getting the thorn right now.
After all the rain, hard times and hard work there will be a rainbow. I keep on reminding myself that once I get through these dark times, things will be better. I hope to find that special woman who makes each day the best day of my life. Once I get past working all these hours I'll be able to see my kids more also.
Another one, this sounds a lot like the current stage of our marriage. This is Billy Vera and the Beaters "At This Moment". Thanks iTunes random for reminding me of this song.
First of all I just want to wish my Mom a happy birthday. Happy birthday Mom. She spent the day as she usually does: working her butt off and helping her others. My parents are making me a clothes closet as it looks like we are digging in for the long haul. Thanks Mom and Dad for your help, I love you.
It looks like I'm working Friday after all. I'll also be working by myself. That will be a bit of a challenge but I do need to learn some time. After today I "only" have 26 more hours this week. Next week I have to work 55 hours and the week after that will be a much easier week. I have to work 8:00 to 7:00 Monday, April 26th and Tuesday, April 27th. Then on Wednesday I'll be working 8:00-2:00, Thursday 11:00-7:00
and then have a three day weekend.(At least that's the plan right now.) Hopefully that Wednesday I can go see my counselor as well.
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. However for the record I want to say I love my wife still very much and I always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This is not a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I think my wife is an amazing woman and always will. I also write about music every once-in-a-while.
"Where Do Broken Hearts Go?" by the incomparable Whitney Houston.
"I Remember You"- Skid Row.
This song is a little too close to comfort for me right now, Poison's "Every Rose Has It's Thorn". I'm certainly getting the thorn right now.
After all the rain, hard times and hard work there will be a rainbow. I keep on reminding myself that once I get through these dark times, things will be better. I hope to find that special woman who makes each day the best day of my life. Once I get past working all these hours I'll be able to see my kids more also.
Another one, this sounds a lot like the current stage of our marriage. This is Billy Vera and the Beaters "At This Moment". Thanks iTunes random for reminding me of this song.
First of all I just want to wish my Mom a happy birthday. Happy birthday Mom. She spent the day as she usually does: working her butt off and helping her others. My parents are making me a clothes closet as it looks like we are digging in for the long haul. Thanks Mom and Dad for your help, I love you.
It looks like I'm working Friday after all. I'll also be working by myself. That will be a bit of a challenge but I do need to learn some time. After today I "only" have 26 more hours this week. Next week I have to work 55 hours and the week after that will be a much easier week. I have to work 8:00 to 7:00 Monday, April 26th and Tuesday, April 27th. Then on Wednesday I'll be working 8:00-2:00, Thursday 11:00-7:00
and then have a three day weekend.(At least that's the plan right now.) Hopefully that Wednesday I can go see my counselor as well.
Day of the crazy week!
Hello,
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I still love my wife very much and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This isn't a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I think my wife is an amazing woman and always will. I also write about music every once-in-a-while.
Day 3 of this very long week. There was a ray of sunshine yesterday though, my trainer said we may not have to work Friday. How awesome that would be! Obviously I'm not counting on it and trying not to even think about the tantalizing possibility. Another ray of light is Friday is the first time I get paid from my new job. I can start paying child support in hopes I can keep my family in their home. I can also pay off some bills as well as start paying my Mom back. I was out of a job for about 5 weeks and had to borrow some money to buy gas and other necessary things.
I continue to lose weight (thanks Ambassador Bookstores!) and not be able to sleep. There's a lot of lifting at my job. I'm sort of lazy but I actually don't mind the lifting, it's such a good exercise. Although I'll be glad when I can sleep through the night again.
I love you Stefanie,
themusicaddict
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I still love my wife very much and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This isn't a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I think my wife is an amazing woman and always will. I also write about music every once-in-a-while.
Day 3 of this very long week. There was a ray of sunshine yesterday though, my trainer said we may not have to work Friday. How awesome that would be! Obviously I'm not counting on it and trying not to even think about the tantalizing possibility. Another ray of light is Friday is the first time I get paid from my new job. I can start paying child support in hopes I can keep my family in their home. I can also pay off some bills as well as start paying my Mom back. I was out of a job for about 5 weeks and had to borrow some money to buy gas and other necessary things.
I continue to lose weight (thanks Ambassador Bookstores!) and not be able to sleep. There's a lot of lifting at my job. I'm sort of lazy but I actually don't mind the lifting, it's such a good exercise. Although I'll be glad when I can sleep through the night again.
I love you Stefanie,
themusicaddict
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Damn! I'm Thinking of My Wife Again!
Hello,
My wife and I are going through a very painful divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife very much and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This isn't a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of our extremely painful divorce blog. I think my wife is an amazing woman. I also write about music every once-in-a-while.
Thinking of my wife:
Thinking of my wife:
My wife is really frustrating me now. I still love her so much, although I hear she thinks different. I haven't talked, e-mailed, etc in over 48 hours now. I miss her so damn much. The pain comes in the worst times. I was at work today trying my best not to think about her, when I heard a traffic report near the city where my family lives. Also out of the blue I heard that damnable song "Need You Know" by Lady Antebellum.
This has been such a long week already and I only have worked two days so far. Although I have worked 22 hours, it's the busy time at the place I work right now. After I survive the next week-and-a-half it will be smooth sailing for awhile. I'm just holding on. Although this is about the worst time possible to learn a new job. I'm so heartsick for my soon-to-be-ex-wife, it's so hard to concentrate on what I need to learn. Thankfully I have three weeks to get everything in my head and I have a good trainer.
Our divorce is starting to get to the stupid point but I'm attempting to rise above, that's why I've not tried to contact her. I just know it would probably turn into an argument. I want to make a very difficult situation better not worse. Our divorce probably won't be final for another 4 to 6 weeks. Our divorce should be final right around our 16th anniversary. How bitter the irony! As my wife said this is so "surreal". After all my love and hard work, I just can't believe we are here. This is just so damn sad. Right now I'm so damn tired, lonely and missing my wife so much.
Believe it or not S, I love you even after everything that has happened.
themusicaddict
My wife and I are going through a very painful divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife very much and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This isn't a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of our extremely painful divorce blog. I think my wife is an amazing woman. I also write about music every once-in-a-while.
Thinking of my wife:
Thinking of my wife:
My wife is really frustrating me now. I still love her so much, although I hear she thinks different. I haven't talked, e-mailed, etc in over 48 hours now. I miss her so damn much. The pain comes in the worst times. I was at work today trying my best not to think about her, when I heard a traffic report near the city where my family lives. Also out of the blue I heard that damnable song "Need You Know" by Lady Antebellum.
This has been such a long week already and I only have worked two days so far. Although I have worked 22 hours, it's the busy time at the place I work right now. After I survive the next week-and-a-half it will be smooth sailing for awhile. I'm just holding on. Although this is about the worst time possible to learn a new job. I'm so heartsick for my soon-to-be-ex-wife, it's so hard to concentrate on what I need to learn. Thankfully I have three weeks to get everything in my head and I have a good trainer.
Our divorce is starting to get to the stupid point but I'm attempting to rise above, that's why I've not tried to contact her. I just know it would probably turn into an argument. I want to make a very difficult situation better not worse. Our divorce probably won't be final for another 4 to 6 weeks. Our divorce should be final right around our 16th anniversary. How bitter the irony! As my wife said this is so "surreal". After all my love and hard work, I just can't believe we are here. This is just so damn sad. Right now I'm so damn tired, lonely and missing my wife so much.
Believe it or not S, I love you even after everything that has happened.
themusicaddict
Monday, April 12, 2010
Day 1 of a very long week down.
Hello,
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife still very much and I always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This is not a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I think my wife is an amazing woman and always will. I also write about music every once-in-a-while.
Day 1 down of the ten 11 hour days I'll be working in the next two weeks. Today was a very long day and I busted my butt. I don't have time to do my normal exercise, but today I got plenty of exercise at work. I also found out that my first payday is Friday and then I'll start getting paid every Friday going forward. That's pretty sweet.
As with any divorce I've had all sorts of emotions today. Right now it's especially hard as I'm trying to learn how to do my new job. I really like this job so far. I don't have to bust my butt but there also is plenty to do. I also am a "manager" but the only person I "manage" is myself. I think I can do that :)
Anyway I've been going through all sorts of emotions. I've been listening to Milli Vanilli the last few days in my car. Today I heard their song, "Girl I'm Gonna Miss You". This song is really appropriate: (Again all lyrics do not apply exactly to our situation.)
Also at work, very early in my shift, I head the following song. (This is one of the greatest of all-time regret songs and is a kick a gut every time I hear it, that's why I avoid it.) This is Lady Antebellum's "Need You Know".
A divorce is very hard, but this is definitely making me stronger. That makes me think of the following two songs.
1) Christina Aguilera's "Fighter": (This is such a great song.)
2) Clint Black's "A Better Man":
I also heard this song on my iPod and this song is really inspiring me through this tough time, I'm not quite to the point of this song though. But within in the next 10.5 months I hope to get there:
All these are such great songs. Only 48 more hours to go and this work week will be over!!!!
themusicaddict
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife still very much and I always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This is not a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I think my wife is an amazing woman and always will. I also write about music every once-in-a-while.
Day 1 down of the ten 11 hour days I'll be working in the next two weeks. Today was a very long day and I busted my butt. I don't have time to do my normal exercise, but today I got plenty of exercise at work. I also found out that my first payday is Friday and then I'll start getting paid every Friday going forward. That's pretty sweet.
As with any divorce I've had all sorts of emotions today. Right now it's especially hard as I'm trying to learn how to do my new job. I really like this job so far. I don't have to bust my butt but there also is plenty to do. I also am a "manager" but the only person I "manage" is myself. I think I can do that :)
Anyway I've been going through all sorts of emotions. I've been listening to Milli Vanilli the last few days in my car. Today I heard their song, "Girl I'm Gonna Miss You". This song is really appropriate: (Again all lyrics do not apply exactly to our situation.)
Also at work, very early in my shift, I head the following song. (This is one of the greatest of all-time regret songs and is a kick a gut every time I hear it, that's why I avoid it.) This is Lady Antebellum's "Need You Know".
A divorce is very hard, but this is definitely making me stronger. That makes me think of the following two songs.
1) Christina Aguilera's "Fighter": (This is such a great song.)
2) Clint Black's "A Better Man":
I also heard this song on my iPod and this song is really inspiring me through this tough time, I'm not quite to the point of this song though. But within in the next 10.5 months I hope to get there:
All these are such great songs. Only 48 more hours to go and this work week will be over!!!!
themusicaddict
A long week
Hello,
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now and unfortunately it's starting to get ugly. However for the record I want to say I love my wife still very much and I always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This is not a rip on my wife blog. My wife is an amazing woman. This is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I also write about music every once-in-a-while.
Today is a long week at my new job. I'll be working about 59 hours this week from Monday through Saturday. I'm not looking forward to that, although I so appreciate having the job. It's so much better than my job with Verizon Wireless. If I was going to design myself a job, the job I have at Ambassador Bookstores would almost be what I design. I only have those long hours 8 weeks a year. Typical weeks are like what I worked last week when I only worked 33 hours. Thanks Ambassador for the job and thanks Verizon Wireless for firing me so I would be available for this job.
I'll be glad when these two weeks are over with though because I can go back to exercising. My weight has sort of plateaued since I started working, that's because my exercise has plateaued since I started working. On my typical schedule I should be able to exercise 4 times a week. I've still lost 18.5 pounds though. I'm glad about that and I can fit into my nice suits again.
I love you S, T, M, M and D.
themusicaddict
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now and unfortunately it's starting to get ugly. However for the record I want to say I love my wife still very much and I always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This is not a rip on my wife blog. My wife is an amazing woman. This is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I also write about music every once-in-a-while.
Today is a long week at my new job. I'll be working about 59 hours this week from Monday through Saturday. I'm not looking forward to that, although I so appreciate having the job. It's so much better than my job with Verizon Wireless. If I was going to design myself a job, the job I have at Ambassador Bookstores would almost be what I design. I only have those long hours 8 weeks a year. Typical weeks are like what I worked last week when I only worked 33 hours. Thanks Ambassador for the job and thanks Verizon Wireless for firing me so I would be available for this job.
I'll be glad when these two weeks are over with though because I can go back to exercising. My weight has sort of plateaued since I started working, that's because my exercise has plateaued since I started working. On my typical schedule I should be able to exercise 4 times a week. I've still lost 18.5 pounds though. I'm glad about that and I can fit into my nice suits again.
I love you S, T, M, M and D.
themusicaddict
Sunday, April 11, 2010
April 11th Top 9 "American Idol"
Hello,
9) Tim Urban, (last week: 10) sang "Can't Buy Me Love". How was he not even in the bottom 3? Unless he has an amazing performance he's going to remain at the bottom of this list until he's mercifully (to the viewing public) voted off.
8) Katie Stevens (last week: 4) sang "Let It Be" and I thought her performance was terrible. She's another one who I thought might be sent home. Like Urban she wasn't even in the bottom 3.
7) Aaron Kelly (last week: 8) sang the amazing song "The Long and Winding Road". That's a great song, my favorite version of that song is Billy Ocean's version. Paul McCartney also has a live version of that song that's pretty amazing. By far that's one of the best Beatles songs. Aaron Kelly's version was okay.
6) Andrew Garcia (last week: 9) had a pretty solid week with "Can't Buy Me Love". As Kara said, I really liked the "breakdown" part of that song. I can't shake the feeling though that he's living on borrowed time.
5) Sioban Magnus (last week: 6) sang the dreary "Across The Universe". Randy Jackson was right on when he called her performance "sleepy". I had thought the same thing while she was singing. She's sort of been coasting or hit a rough patch. I haven't really liked one of her performances for two or three weeks now. She probably has 2 or 3 more weeks though before she has to worry.
4) Michael Lynche (last week: 2) sang a pretty intriguing arrangement of "Elenoar Rigby". He was the fourth singer of the night and up to that point, I thought he was the best performance of the night. Of course he followed Aaron Kelly, Andrew Garcia and Katie Stevens. I still liked what Lynche did with that song. I also agreed with the judges that he should have been saved. Although that song "A Woman's Worth" has got to be one of the most dreary songs all time.
3) Andrew Dewyze (last week: 3) sang "Hey Jude" and I liked his performance. The bag pipe was a little strange but I actually liked that as well. This and the next two songs all were purchase worthy on this one of the strongest weeks of this season.
2) Casey James (last week: 5) sang "Jealous Guy" and I thought his performance was amazing. He sang that song so well and it was a great performance. Instead of doing a paint by the numbers version, he made that song his own.
1) Crystal Bowersox (last week: 1) sang "Come Together". She had a very funky version of the song just like Carly Smithson did. This is her fifth consectutive week at #1 and she's clearly the class of the competition.
themusicaddict
9) Tim Urban, (last week: 10) sang "Can't Buy Me Love". How was he not even in the bottom 3? Unless he has an amazing performance he's going to remain at the bottom of this list until he's mercifully (to the viewing public) voted off.
8) Katie Stevens (last week: 4) sang "Let It Be" and I thought her performance was terrible. She's another one who I thought might be sent home. Like Urban she wasn't even in the bottom 3.
7) Aaron Kelly (last week: 8) sang the amazing song "The Long and Winding Road". That's a great song, my favorite version of that song is Billy Ocean's version. Paul McCartney also has a live version of that song that's pretty amazing. By far that's one of the best Beatles songs. Aaron Kelly's version was okay.
6) Andrew Garcia (last week: 9) had a pretty solid week with "Can't Buy Me Love". As Kara said, I really liked the "breakdown" part of that song. I can't shake the feeling though that he's living on borrowed time.
5) Sioban Magnus (last week: 6) sang the dreary "Across The Universe". Randy Jackson was right on when he called her performance "sleepy". I had thought the same thing while she was singing. She's sort of been coasting or hit a rough patch. I haven't really liked one of her performances for two or three weeks now. She probably has 2 or 3 more weeks though before she has to worry.
4) Michael Lynche (last week: 2) sang a pretty intriguing arrangement of "Elenoar Rigby". He was the fourth singer of the night and up to that point, I thought he was the best performance of the night. Of course he followed Aaron Kelly, Andrew Garcia and Katie Stevens. I still liked what Lynche did with that song. I also agreed with the judges that he should have been saved. Although that song "A Woman's Worth" has got to be one of the most dreary songs all time.
3) Andrew Dewyze (last week: 3) sang "Hey Jude" and I liked his performance. The bag pipe was a little strange but I actually liked that as well. This and the next two songs all were purchase worthy on this one of the strongest weeks of this season.
2) Casey James (last week: 5) sang "Jealous Guy" and I thought his performance was amazing. He sang that song so well and it was a great performance. Instead of doing a paint by the numbers version, he made that song his own.
1) Crystal Bowersox (last week: 1) sang "Come Together". She had a very funky version of the song just like Carly Smithson did. This is her fifth consectutive week at #1 and she's clearly the class of the competition.
themusicaddict
Regrets
Hello,
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now and unfortunately it's starting to get ugly. However for the record I want to say I love my wife still very much and I always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This is not a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I also write about music every once-in-a-while.
The only thing worse than getting than getting divorced, if one dies at least they find peace, is doing something to make it worse. Unfortunately I've done that something. No there was no adultery (other than my wife, daughter and Mom few women even recognize my presence on this Earth) or physical abuse. I'm going to tell you just so you won't over think it. I logged into my soon-to-be-ex-wife's e-mail account because I got bored and curious. I didn't see anything of a personal nature. I sent her an e-mail this morning apologizing for my behavior. I also sent her an im that simply said "olive branch". (This would be a good time to go change your passwords and you should probably change them at least once a month.)
This morning I've been kicking myself for my stupidity and mourning the loss of my marriage to one of the most amazing women I've ever met. My wife is also a blogger, but she doesn't blog as much as me. However she actually wrote a blog yesterday, here it is:
"I was thinking this morning about my life and how different I had envisioned it from how it is now. It’s so surreal, scary, sad, and exciting all at the same time. I see this one chapter of my life ending, and it seems so unbelievable that this is where we’ve ended up. There’s been so much emotion over the last month or so since the separation – at times I feel hopeful, at other times hopeless. Sometimes I feel angry, sad, hurt, and extremely let down by some of the people I thought I could always count on. All I can do is move forward, and have faith in the future God has in store for me and my kids. I can’t control the actions of others, but I can control my actions, and am choosing to treat people with dignity and respect as much as I am able. I’ve made some mistakes in all of this, but all I can do is move forward from here and try not to repeat those same mistakes.
What worries me the most in all of this is my kids…they are always the ones that suffer the most in a divorce, and I am trying to make this as painless as possible for them. I was hoping that we’d be able to stay in our home for the sake of my kids, but it’s looking like that isn’t going to happen, at least not long term. My oldest is very upset, but the others seem to be taking it ok. It’s not something we need to worry about right away, and I will keep them here as long as I possibly can. It’s bad enough for their parents to be getting a divorce, but having to move on top of it all is even harder for them.
I was talking to my kids this morning about the divorce and making sure they know that none of it is their fault, and that both their father and I love them very much. I was talking to them about the possibility of their father and I dating other people, asking if that seemed strange to them, but none of them thought it was weird, but it feels weird to me. I asked them why it didn’t seem weird to them, and both Madison and Matthew said they have friends who’s parents are divorced and date or are remarried to other people, so they know it happens. My response was, “Ya, but it’s still sad when your parents get divorced.” Madison’s one request is to find someone with a daughter because she really wants a sister.
I’ve been thinking about the summer trips we have planned so far. I’m excited to get away with the kids even though the first one isn’t until mid-June. I think our trips will be shorter this year because I’m taking classes summer semester. I really would like a break, but I would also really like to get done with school, plus it will keep my mind busy. Just three part-time semesters left."
She's going to make some other man a very happy man and I'm going to be incredibly jealous. I predict she will be remarried by the end of this year. She has much more going for her than me including she's such an amazing looking woman. The following picture doesn't do her true justice.
Dear future husband of S, please love her and take care of her much better than me. Also please be nice to and love our wonderful kids. For me I'm going into my next marriage with my eyes opened and mouth shut. I'll never ever intentionally mistreat one of our Heavenly Father's angels again.
She has an amazing writing ability, I always did encourage her to work on that talent. She doesn't update her blog as much as I do, but you can read it always at:
http://thediaryofacrazywoman.com/
I went to see a family law attorney the other day and he recommended we go see a marriage counselor. I thought that was a great idea. I know this marriage is beyond saving, however I think counseling would be good so we can work better together the rest of this divorce and on wards. The lawyer also suggested to take a bit longer to think about things, which I'm going to do. But to honor my wife's request I still plan on moving the divorce to its finality asap.
My wife thinks I'm just dragging out the marriage in hopes of saving it. That's not the case as I know this marriage is dead. It's probably been dead for quite awhile. The lawyer very frankly told me to wait on this divorce until I "pulled my head out of my ass". Literally that's what he said. He recognized the apathy I'm dealing with and how I've given up. He's right I didn't have a whole bunch of fight in me. However what he said made perfect sense and I'm going to wait awhile to see if I can get to a place where I can make some better decisions.
My wife is used to me rolling over dead, she didn't like that I might have an opinion that's different than hers. She says she only wants to talk to me now when we are discussing what time I'm going to be picking up the kids. The next two weeks I'll be working 55 hours plus so that will be a good time for us to give each other space. In fact other than seeing her a few minutes later today, we probably will hardly talk this whole week.
My goal is when the divorce is final that I will find someone even more amazing than S that will make me completely forget about her. Mysterious someone I hope you are out there and you can help me shorten the recovery time. If not there's probably still about 11 months of recovery time.
FYI: I'll be working about 59 hours this week so my blog postings will be severely limited- for which the soon-to-be-ex is probably breathing a sigh of relief.
themusicaddict
My wife and I are going through a divorce right now and unfortunately it's starting to get ugly. However for the record I want to say I love my wife still very much and I always will. We both also love our 4 kids as well. This is not a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I also write about music every once-in-a-while.
The only thing worse than getting than getting divorced, if one dies at least they find peace, is doing something to make it worse. Unfortunately I've done that something. No there was no adultery (other than my wife, daughter and Mom few women even recognize my presence on this Earth) or physical abuse. I'm going to tell you just so you won't over think it. I logged into my soon-to-be-ex-wife's e-mail account because I got bored and curious. I didn't see anything of a personal nature. I sent her an e-mail this morning apologizing for my behavior. I also sent her an im that simply said "olive branch". (This would be a good time to go change your passwords and you should probably change them at least once a month.)
This morning I've been kicking myself for my stupidity and mourning the loss of my marriage to one of the most amazing women I've ever met. My wife is also a blogger, but she doesn't blog as much as me. However she actually wrote a blog yesterday, here it is:
"I was thinking this morning about my life and how different I had envisioned it from how it is now. It’s so surreal, scary, sad, and exciting all at the same time. I see this one chapter of my life ending, and it seems so unbelievable that this is where we’ve ended up. There’s been so much emotion over the last month or so since the separation – at times I feel hopeful, at other times hopeless. Sometimes I feel angry, sad, hurt, and extremely let down by some of the people I thought I could always count on. All I can do is move forward, and have faith in the future God has in store for me and my kids. I can’t control the actions of others, but I can control my actions, and am choosing to treat people with dignity and respect as much as I am able. I’ve made some mistakes in all of this, but all I can do is move forward from here and try not to repeat those same mistakes.
What worries me the most in all of this is my kids…they are always the ones that suffer the most in a divorce, and I am trying to make this as painless as possible for them. I was hoping that we’d be able to stay in our home for the sake of my kids, but it’s looking like that isn’t going to happen, at least not long term. My oldest is very upset, but the others seem to be taking it ok. It’s not something we need to worry about right away, and I will keep them here as long as I possibly can. It’s bad enough for their parents to be getting a divorce, but having to move on top of it all is even harder for them.
I was talking to my kids this morning about the divorce and making sure they know that none of it is their fault, and that both their father and I love them very much. I was talking to them about the possibility of their father and I dating other people, asking if that seemed strange to them, but none of them thought it was weird, but it feels weird to me. I asked them why it didn’t seem weird to them, and both Madison and Matthew said they have friends who’s parents are divorced and date or are remarried to other people, so they know it happens. My response was, “Ya, but it’s still sad when your parents get divorced.” Madison’s one request is to find someone with a daughter because she really wants a sister.
I’ve been thinking about the summer trips we have planned so far. I’m excited to get away with the kids even though the first one isn’t until mid-June. I think our trips will be shorter this year because I’m taking classes summer semester. I really would like a break, but I would also really like to get done with school, plus it will keep my mind busy. Just three part-time semesters left."
She's going to make some other man a very happy man and I'm going to be incredibly jealous. I predict she will be remarried by the end of this year. She has much more going for her than me including she's such an amazing looking woman. The following picture doesn't do her true justice.
Dear future husband of S, please love her and take care of her much better than me. Also please be nice to and love our wonderful kids. For me I'm going into my next marriage with my eyes opened and mouth shut. I'll never ever intentionally mistreat one of our Heavenly Father's angels again.
She has an amazing writing ability, I always did encourage her to work on that talent. She doesn't update her blog as much as I do, but you can read it always at:
http://thediaryofacrazywoman.com/
I went to see a family law attorney the other day and he recommended we go see a marriage counselor. I thought that was a great idea. I know this marriage is beyond saving, however I think counseling would be good so we can work better together the rest of this divorce and on wards. The lawyer also suggested to take a bit longer to think about things, which I'm going to do. But to honor my wife's request I still plan on moving the divorce to its finality asap.
My wife thinks I'm just dragging out the marriage in hopes of saving it. That's not the case as I know this marriage is dead. It's probably been dead for quite awhile. The lawyer very frankly told me to wait on this divorce until I "pulled my head out of my ass". Literally that's what he said. He recognized the apathy I'm dealing with and how I've given up. He's right I didn't have a whole bunch of fight in me. However what he said made perfect sense and I'm going to wait awhile to see if I can get to a place where I can make some better decisions.
My wife is used to me rolling over dead, she didn't like that I might have an opinion that's different than hers. She says she only wants to talk to me now when we are discussing what time I'm going to be picking up the kids. The next two weeks I'll be working 55 hours plus so that will be a good time for us to give each other space. In fact other than seeing her a few minutes later today, we probably will hardly talk this whole week.
My goal is when the divorce is final that I will find someone even more amazing than S that will make me completely forget about her. Mysterious someone I hope you are out there and you can help me shorten the recovery time. If not there's probably still about 11 months of recovery time.
FYI: I'll be working about 59 hours this week so my blog postings will be severely limited- for which the soon-to-be-ex is probably breathing a sigh of relief.
themusicaddict
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Divorce class review
Hello,
My spouse and I went to the Divorce class yesterday. For what its worth we were about one of the 7 couples that were sitting together. The two people who spoke gave a lot of good advice and mixed in a lot of humor. The last speaker promised we would make it through, that's what I'm holding on to. 11 months and counting is what I keep on reminding myself. I'm not sure the three hour class was worth $55 for each of us though. It was good being with my wife again although the occasion was something to do with our divorce.
themusicaddict
My spouse and I went to the Divorce class yesterday. For what its worth we were about one of the 7 couples that were sitting together. The two people who spoke gave a lot of good advice and mixed in a lot of humor. The last speaker promised we would make it through, that's what I'm holding on to. 11 months and counting is what I keep on reminding myself. I'm not sure the three hour class was worth $55 for each of us though. It was good being with my wife again although the occasion was something to do with our divorce.
themusicaddict
Friday, April 9, 2010
Divorce class
Hello,
The following blog post is brought to you by sarcasm. Today is the 3 hour divorce class, what a waste of time. Why do I have to go to a class about something that I've already have done successfully? Then when I get home from that I have to go see the frakin' lawyer- another waste of time. On this beautiful Spring day, a day I have off, 6 hours is going to be wasted on those two things. I have so many other things that I can do that would be so much more productive.
My wife can't wait to do this so we can get the divorce done asap. Then she acts surprised I'm bitter. Let's see she ripped out my heart, threw it on the ground and stomped on it. Then she's surprised I'm bitter? What does she expect a pathway of roses?
This is not a time of celebration. We were iming last night and we were arguing about whether pain is a good motivator. I said "no", with my pain all I want to do is to deaden it. It hasn't inspired me to do anything, I also understand why people drink. I've made some changes in my life, they were inspired by my love for my wife and kids. Pain just wants to make me give up.
thebittermusicaddict
The following blog post is brought to you by sarcasm. Today is the 3 hour divorce class, what a waste of time. Why do I have to go to a class about something that I've already have done successfully? Then when I get home from that I have to go see the frakin' lawyer- another waste of time. On this beautiful Spring day, a day I have off, 6 hours is going to be wasted on those two things. I have so many other things that I can do that would be so much more productive.
My wife can't wait to do this so we can get the divorce done asap. Then she acts surprised I'm bitter. Let's see she ripped out my heart, threw it on the ground and stomped on it. Then she's surprised I'm bitter? What does she expect a pathway of roses?
This is not a time of celebration. We were iming last night and we were arguing about whether pain is a good motivator. I said "no", with my pain all I want to do is to deaden it. It hasn't inspired me to do anything, I also understand why people drink. I've made some changes in my life, they were inspired by my love for my wife and kids. Pain just wants to make me give up.
thebittermusicaddict
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
The Roller Coaster Is Going Up
Hello,
More conversation with my wife, it was mostly friendly. She feels the alimony isn't fair. I think it is as I need to forge a new life for myself. A man can't live with his parents for the rest of his life. Having said that I'm going to help my family all I can. I filled out the paperwork today for direct deposit. I should start getting paid a week from Friday. The divorce won't be final by then but that doesn't mean I'm not going to help as soon as possible. I don't need any legal paperwork to tell me how to take care of my family.
My goal is to keep my family in their home. That's what I plan to do. I've got a job that once I figure it out will be a great fit for me. Today the roller coaster is going up. Thank goodness! I wasn't down in the dumps tonight.
Also I wasn't able to watch "American Idol" until Wednesday night. I gots a job now, I can't just sit on my butt all day! Here are a great songs that remind me of my gorgoeus wife and are tumultulous marriage.
1) The amazing "The Long And Winding Road":
2) John Lennon's "Jealous Guy" (Casey James you killed it!)
Believe it or not M.C. Hammer. His version of this song is amazing:
Okay I'm a little embarrased by this song, but I don't care who sings it. This is such an amazing song especially when one is feeling like a fool.
Yes another one from Milli Vanilli, so sue me.
I love this funky club mix and the woman is pretty hot:) :
The original of this song is also pretty amazing:
http://www.youtube.com/watch#!v=MyMz7Lka5EA&feature=related
I love you so much S.
thehealingmusicaddict
More conversation with my wife, it was mostly friendly. She feels the alimony isn't fair. I think it is as I need to forge a new life for myself. A man can't live with his parents for the rest of his life. Having said that I'm going to help my family all I can. I filled out the paperwork today for direct deposit. I should start getting paid a week from Friday. The divorce won't be final by then but that doesn't mean I'm not going to help as soon as possible. I don't need any legal paperwork to tell me how to take care of my family.
My goal is to keep my family in their home. That's what I plan to do. I've got a job that once I figure it out will be a great fit for me. Today the roller coaster is going up. Thank goodness! I wasn't down in the dumps tonight.
Also I wasn't able to watch "American Idol" until Wednesday night. I gots a job now, I can't just sit on my butt all day! Here are a great songs that remind me of my gorgoeus wife and are tumultulous marriage.
1) The amazing "The Long And Winding Road":
2) John Lennon's "Jealous Guy" (Casey James you killed it!)
Believe it or not M.C. Hammer. His version of this song is amazing:
Okay I'm a little embarrased by this song, but I don't care who sings it. This is such an amazing song especially when one is feeling like a fool.
Yes another one from Milli Vanilli, so sue me.
I love this funky club mix and the woman is pretty hot:) :
The original of this song is also pretty amazing:
http://www.youtube.com/watch#!v=MyMz7Lka5EA&feature=related
I love you so much S.
thehealingmusicaddict
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Tit for Tat
Hello,
From my facebook.com page:
From my very sad experience, all I got to say is avoid divorce like the plague. If there is anything you can do to save your marriage do it, even if means praying on a miracle. Divorce is hell on earth and I don't know how people get through it. This is a situation where on one wins, and it much worse if there are kids in the middle. They are the ones that gets hurt the most.
I wrote that last night after a very frustrating drawn out process called Tit For Tat. Up until last night our divorce had been mostly cordial. However my Mom has been insisting on me getting an attorney, that's the last thing I want to do. We had an appointment with a lawyer set up previously. The more I thought it about it the less I wanted to do it. That was last Thursday and that was a very bad day. I didn't want anything to do with a lawyer then.
I had my Mom cancel that appointment on the condition that I would go see a lawyer before the divorce is final. I gave her my word and once I do that I don't go back on it. However this morning I very clearly reiterated to my Mom that it's only for a one-time consultation. I will listen but that is it and I don't want him to represent me. My wife is thinking this means I'm going to get a lawyer to represent me through the whole divorce. Frankly the money my Mom is spending on an attorney I'd rather use to pay the deposit on an apartment or something much more productive.
I'm just waiting for my wife to e-mail me the divorce paperwork, we can print it off and let the lawyer look at it. Then I'd be done with that. My Mom told me that the lawyer recommended I should get a lawyer. I replied to my Mom "of course he recommended that as it's in his best interests". I'd prefer to have nothing to do with a lawyer.
Now we are playing the tit for tat game, which is becoming ridiculous very quickly. I'm trying to limit the tit for tat as much as I can. That's all I'm going to say about that. I just want to put the tit for tat in the rear view mirror asap. The worst thing is my kids are getting involved in this, I can tell their very frustrated mother has been telling them things. Although in the divorce papers we are agreeing to not talk bad about the other. I'm certainly striving to do that. My wife and I are having a cooling off period now, hopefully that will help keep things tolerable until the divorce is final.
This week I'm going to try and go to the divorce class, have the lawyer look at the paperwork and get the final paperwork notarized. That way we can get the divorce done in about two more weeks. That's the last thing in the world I want, but it makes no sense to hold on to something that's dead.
As I'm beginning the process of learning a new job, the person I want to see the most right now is my counselor. I won't be able to see her for about a month between appointments. I have started my new job which means I'll be getting paid again. I can start saving money to move out and also start giving money to my wife. I would like for her and our kids to stay in their house. We've come to a fair agreement on alimony. Plus I'll be almost paying $1000 in child support.
Again if there's anyway you can salvage your marriage, that's so much more desirable than the hell my family is living through.
themusicaddict
From my facebook.com page:
From my very sad experience, all I got to say is avoid divorce like the plague. If there is anything you can do to save your marriage do it, even if means praying on a miracle. Divorce is hell on earth and I don't know how people get through it. This is a situation where on one wins, and it much worse if there are kids in the middle. They are the ones that gets hurt the most.
I wrote that last night after a very frustrating drawn out process called Tit For Tat. Up until last night our divorce had been mostly cordial. However my Mom has been insisting on me getting an attorney, that's the last thing I want to do. We had an appointment with a lawyer set up previously. The more I thought it about it the less I wanted to do it. That was last Thursday and that was a very bad day. I didn't want anything to do with a lawyer then.
I had my Mom cancel that appointment on the condition that I would go see a lawyer before the divorce is final. I gave her my word and once I do that I don't go back on it. However this morning I very clearly reiterated to my Mom that it's only for a one-time consultation. I will listen but that is it and I don't want him to represent me. My wife is thinking this means I'm going to get a lawyer to represent me through the whole divorce. Frankly the money my Mom is spending on an attorney I'd rather use to pay the deposit on an apartment or something much more productive.
I'm just waiting for my wife to e-mail me the divorce paperwork, we can print it off and let the lawyer look at it. Then I'd be done with that. My Mom told me that the lawyer recommended I should get a lawyer. I replied to my Mom "of course he recommended that as it's in his best interests". I'd prefer to have nothing to do with a lawyer.
Now we are playing the tit for tat game, which is becoming ridiculous very quickly. I'm trying to limit the tit for tat as much as I can. That's all I'm going to say about that. I just want to put the tit for tat in the rear view mirror asap. The worst thing is my kids are getting involved in this, I can tell their very frustrated mother has been telling them things. Although in the divorce papers we are agreeing to not talk bad about the other. I'm certainly striving to do that. My wife and I are having a cooling off period now, hopefully that will help keep things tolerable until the divorce is final.
This week I'm going to try and go to the divorce class, have the lawyer look at the paperwork and get the final paperwork notarized. That way we can get the divorce done in about two more weeks. That's the last thing in the world I want, but it makes no sense to hold on to something that's dead.
As I'm beginning the process of learning a new job, the person I want to see the most right now is my counselor. I won't be able to see her for about a month between appointments. I have started my new job which means I'll be getting paid again. I can start saving money to move out and also start giving money to my wife. I would like for her and our kids to stay in their house. We've come to a fair agreement on alimony. Plus I'll be almost paying $1000 in child support.
Again if there's anyway you can salvage your marriage, that's so much more desirable than the hell my family is living through.
themusicaddict
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