Dating For Old People!

Hello,

From the lovely Taylor Swift: "Wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts?" I've often wondered that myself.

I've been happily divorced for over a year now, although the process of getting divorced isn't happy. There really should be shirts that say "Survivors of the Divorce Club". With marital instability so high now, it might be the largest group in the world. Dating is bad enough, but post divorce dating is even worse. Not only do you have to work around each others schedule, but you also have to work around all the collective children's schedules. And I'm a Mormon, so the total kids sometimes can reach double figures! I know that even if I do find a woman I really like, every other weekend is reserved for my kids. Obviously spending time with my kids is the priority on those weekends.

Not only are there time constraints, but how many divorced people have a lot of money to date? I know I don't as over half my check goes to child support related things. Again that's fine and I'm not asking for anyone's sympathy. As veteran divorced people learn quickly some things are "It is what it is". Actually I'm quite glad to still have a significant financial role in my kids lives.

Al third factor is that everyone heals from divorce at different rates. Although I don't think people ever truly fully recover from divorce, there are some days I feel healed as I ever will be. Then on those days I feel I'm ready to move on. I'm ready to date! Unfortunately that weight of a divorce is never completely gone. And there are certain triggers that can bring all those emotions back. For instance, I talked with a girl and we seemed to have a lot in common. We agreed to go out. However when I officially asked her out she said she wasn't ready to date. And I thought why didn't you tell me that when we were in the getting to know you stage. That experience precipitated about a two month stretch where I completely stayed away from dating. Also sometimes dealings with an ex spouse, a spectacularly bad date or life's challenges can also destroy desire to date. Also while I do want to get married again, one of my biggest fears is what happens if we get divorced. That's always a consideration for people who've been previously divorced.

Okay so let's say you have the money, time and an actual desire to date. Now how do you meet people? For me thank goodness there are dating websites. Other than that I don't meet a lot of single people. There aren't any single people I'm interested in at my church or at my job. And I'm not one of those people that can walk up to someone and start a conversation. Also so many people don't wear rings showing they are married. So a lot of time that is crap shoot. I wouldn't want to start to talk to a hottie and then her 6'5 husband walks around the corner. My only hope would be is that he's a nice and understanding man. Because I know I couldn't beat him up or outrun him. So again thank goodness for dating websites.

However everyone goes on these sites with different expectations and goals. Some people want friends, some want marriage and some just want sex. So there begins a getting to know you process through chat, iming, forums and telephone calls. If all that goes well then you might actually might to get to meet the person in real life. Again this is where the time and money constraints come in. You've finally met, now was the other person honest on their profile. Most people I've met are honest, but of course their profile is usually them at their best. Okay even if both sides are honest, that opens up a whole other set of questions. Is there any attraction? Is there any chemistry? Do both parties really want to be there? etc, etc, etc

One of my dating rules is that first dates should only be about a hour long. That way if there is no chemistry no one is embarrassed and both sides can move on. Now while I think that is a good rule, I've never actually followed it:) I don't date very often due to money and time constraints. If I'm on a first date with someone I really like I would like to be with them for a few hours at least. But how about if she isn't into me and just being nice to not hurt my feelings. (BTW that's one of my dating pet peeves, if you don't like me just tell me. I'm 44 and I've survived a divorce. One girl that I barely know not digging me is okay.) For instance, this girl I took out the other day. She was cool, cute, smart and sassy and shares my religious values. I'm glad our date was longer than one hour. I've asked her out again (via e-mail how impersonal is that?) and now I'm doing the waiting thing. Will she say yes or no? Will she even respond? If she doesn't I feel that is more honest than trying not to hurt my feelings.

So the first date ends, what's the next step? Obviously it's a second date. Except that isn't so obvious. One person usually likes the other person more or had a more fun time. So when one person tries to initiate the second date, what's the best way to do that? Should they call the person, e-mail them. What if they've never talked on the phone before? Most potential mates I meet I've never talked to on the phone before we meet. Again it is what it is.

Even if the second date is agreed on, both sides probably still aren't on the same page. Then that process repeats over and over again until marriage or the relationship ends. Then the process starts over again. You are now probably poorer and more scarred by life. Also you are older and more hesitant to put yourself out there. Dating is the ultimate example of ramming your head against the wall.

Now that I've scared and scarred you here are some great songs!

This is Daughtry's new song "Renegade". When I first read about it, the tag line was something like the new song from Daughtry's third CD. I was so hoping it was a new song...



and I was so glad it wasn't a remake of this song. This is also a good song. I just think if you advertise a song as new, it shouldn't be a remake of a 30 year old song. Although this song kicks butt too. Can you believe Styx is still touring, are they rolled out on their wheelchairs now?

This video is from 1983, when they were much younger and only using walkers.



Jethro Tull's "Aqualung":



I think these guys were one of the least appreciated groups in country music:



themusicaddict