Tit for Tat

Hello,

From my facebook.com page:

From my very sad experience, all I got to say is avoid divorce like the plague. If there is anything you can do to save your marriage do it, even if means praying on a miracle. Divorce is hell on earth and I don't know how people get through it. This is a situation where on one wins, and it much worse if there are kids in the middle. They are the ones that gets hurt the most.

I wrote that last night after a very frustrating drawn out process called Tit For Tat. Up until last night our divorce had been mostly cordial. However my Mom has been insisting on me getting an attorney, that's the last thing I want to do. We had an appointment with a lawyer set up previously. The more I thought it about it the less I wanted to do it. That was last Thursday and that was a very bad day. I didn't want anything to do with a lawyer then.

I had my Mom cancel that appointment on the condition that I would go see a lawyer before the divorce is final. I gave her my word and once I do that I don't go back on it. However this morning I very clearly reiterated to my Mom that it's only for a one-time consultation. I will listen but that is it and I don't want him to represent me. My wife is thinking this means I'm going to get a lawyer to represent me through the whole divorce. Frankly the money my Mom is spending on an attorney I'd rather use to pay the deposit on an apartment or something much more productive.

I'm just waiting for my wife to e-mail me the divorce paperwork, we can print it off and let the lawyer look at it. Then I'd be done with that. My Mom told me that the lawyer recommended I should get a lawyer. I replied to my Mom "of course he recommended that as it's in his best interests". I'd prefer to have nothing to do with a lawyer.

Now we are playing the tit for tat game, which is becoming ridiculous very quickly. I'm trying to limit the tit for tat as much as I can. That's all I'm going to say about that. I just want to put the tit for tat in the rear view mirror asap. The worst thing is my kids are getting involved in this, I can tell their very frustrated mother has been telling them things. Although in the divorce papers we are agreeing to not talk bad about the other. I'm certainly striving to do that. My wife and I are having a cooling off period now, hopefully that will help keep things tolerable until the divorce is final.

This week I'm going to try and go to the divorce class, have the lawyer look at the paperwork and get the final paperwork notarized. That way we can get the divorce done in about two more weeks. That's the last thing in the world I want, but it makes no sense to hold on to something that's dead.

As I'm beginning the process of learning a new job, the person I want to see the most right now is my counselor. I won't be able to see her for about a month between appointments. I have started my new job which means I'll be getting paid again. I can start saving money to move out and also start giving money to my wife. I would like for her and our kids to stay in their house. We've come to a fair agreement on alimony. Plus I'll be almost paying $1000 in child support.

Again if there's anyway you can salvage your marriage, that's so much more desirable than the hell my family is living through.

themusicaddict