What do I get? A shattered heart.

Hello,

My wife and I are going through a divorce right now. For the record I want to say I love my wife very much and always will. We both also love our 4 kids as very much. This isn't a rip on my wife blog, this is the journey of an extremely painful divorce blog. I think my wife is an amazing woman and always will. I also write about music every once-in-a-while :)

Again I was thinking this morning about the inequality of divorce and how much it pisses me off. My wife requested a divorce, although it was the absolute last thing I wanted to do I said "yes". The next morning after she told me she wanted a divorce I moved out. Where did I move to? My parent's house, where I'm very grateful they are letting me live. If it wasn't for my parents I have no idea where I would live. Where does my family continue to live? Still at the house that I worked hard and put a lot of time into keeping my family at that home. In the divorce class I attended with my wife, our last date, one of the speakers made a joke about how the wife and kids get to live in a nice house and the ex-husband is relegated to a dingy apartment. Once I move out that's all I'll be able to afford.

Guess who gets to have the kids, my wife still. When do I get to see them? Whenever I can, which with working 58 hours this past week was never. I thought it was understood with the wife that I wanted the kids every Saturday as that's the best day for me due to my work schedule. I asked too late and they are staying at my in-laws tonight. That will be two weeks in between me seeing my kids? How is that fair? It isn't. This isn't to the same scale but I don't even get to see my dogs.

She kicked me out and guess who still pays for much of her upkeep? Yes that's me. Over 50% of my take home pay goes to her and the kids. (I have no problem with that, but still...) Along with paying the health insurance and eventually rent, what else do I get to pay for? When I'm ready to start rebuilding my life, I get to pay for that to. That will leave me very little money, if any, to do that.

She was dissatisfied with the marriage and she kicks me out. She gets a fresh start in her home that I'm mostly paying for. What do I get? She's gorgeous and is going to start dating again. That means all my jealousies and aches will be intensified. However me on the other hand that has never been good with the ladies will be going through more rejection. She's also completely cut me out of her life and my imagination is running wild where she is now or who she is with. Uh, I hate this.

So for those keeping track at home. She gets a fresh start, the chance to find someone "tall, broad and handsome". She gets the house, the kids and me still paying for a lot of that.

What do I get? I get cast off in the wind and a shattered heart. Sarcasm alert: Yes this divorce thing is sure equitable. What a bunch of crap. I also get the constant unexpected reminders of her. We exchanged a few e-mails today, that was my first contact with her in 136 hours. After wards I was left feeling hurt and fragile. So yeah I "get" more hurt. From what my friends say I still have about another 10.5 months of this bullcrap.

Yes I'm very bitter about this inequitable system.

I think the following song describes this situation very well:



Country music talks about the inequibility of the divorce situation very well, here's a song from Mr. Tim McGraw.



themusicaddict