Hello,
The theme was R&B/ Soul night with Usher as the mentor. Now I don't think Usher is as cool as he thinks he is. However I thought he was a very good mentor. He suggests to the contestants, they need to "own their moment". I counted at least 5 times Randy saying some variation on "yo" to the contestants.
1) Sioban Magnus sang Chaka Kahn's "Through The Fire". This performance was like a firecracker that never went off. Both starts out with so much potential, however both fizzle out without the payoff. Usher gave her advice on her "personal style". That she shouldn't wear too distracting clothes that takes away from her performance. Usher also says she has a "true shot at being an incredible artist". I completely agree with him on that. However it was a rough night for her, she seemed a little off throughout her whole performance. She hit that big note, that has quickly become a cliche. She has gone to the well once too often. Grade: D, buy? no.
2) Casey James sang Sam and Dave's "Hold On I'm Coming". It's the first time this song was performed on stage. James has a great voice and the band seemed to have fun playing the song. His signature is his guitar solo, I like that better than Sioban's signature scream. I agree with Ellen it was a bit safe. Grade B+, buy? no.
3) Michael Lynche sang India Arie's "Ready For Love". He nailed this song, I thought this was his best performance so far. This was one of the very sexy songs sung tonight. Ellen called his performance "beautiful". Simon said this was the first time he could take Michael "seriously as an artist". I thought the man was just a bunch of muscles but he's really bringing it on. I don't think he's going to be this season's winner, but now at least I think there's a chance. Grade: B+, buy: maybe.
4) Didi Benami sang Jimmy Ruffin's "What Becomes of the Broken Hearted". Usher told the very emotional Benami wearing her "heart on her sleeve is a good thing". Benami looked amazing tonight. The performance got stronger as the night went on, but overall it was a little off though. I think she's another long shot to win this season's title. Randy was right when he said she "flat lined". Why the hell was Ryan holding her hand the whole time they were talking. That was obnoxious. Grade: B-, buy? no.
5) Tim Urban tortured, uh I mean sang, Anita Baker's "Sweet Love". Never have the title of a song and the actual performance been at such odds. I don't think ol' Tim understood that being called Teflon Tim isn't exactly a compliment. It was a boring performance and lasted way too long. I'm listening to the real version right now, he killed that song. I agreed with Simon, it was like a "mouse picking a fight with an elephant". What was up with all that obnoxious laughing anyway. By the end of this segment it looked like his laughter was going to turn to tears. Please can he go home tonight. His durability is now taking on Haley Scarnato and Sanjaya levels. Grade: D-, buy no way.
6) Andrew Garcia sang Chris Brown's "Forever". First of all what is up with that ugly hair Andrew? Yet another sexy song. All I can say is that someone is going to get some loving after all the sexy songs. Randy varied up his yo's with Andrew. He started off with the immortal "yo yo", "yo yo". He then said "Andrew is back". It's about time Andrew, I just hope it's not too late. Kara called his performance "that's one giant leap in the right direction". Grade: C+, buy? no.
7) Katie Stevens sang Aretha Franklin's "Chain of Fools". That's an amazing song and Stevens was looking fantastic. Her look complimented her attitude on the song. Randy said she had a bunch of "small moments". Now she needs to turn all those "small moments into a big moment". That was one of her best performances ever. It might be enough for her to outlast Garcia and Urban. Grade: B+, buy? maybe.
8) Lee Dewyze sang the Cornelious Brothers "Treat Her Like A Lady". Yet another sexy song, although Lee sang the song a bit stiffly. Put a little passion into it dude. Usher was absolutely right, "if you don't believe it, they won't". I was surprised how spot on Usher was on tonight. Randy said "yo, yo Lee". Randy is amazing at all the different ways he can work yo into a conversation. Grade B, buy: doubtful.
themusicaddict
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Moving out continued
Hello,
I went and filled out some paperwork for a job that I'm hired for that starts in May today in Ogden. I have my kids tonight and my wife's house is between where I filled out the paperwork and my parent's house (West Bountiful). I asked her and she reluctantly agreed I could come an hang out there until the kids get home. I want to put as few miles on my car as possible, it just broke the 170,000 mile mark. With her at school for a couple of hours I was there by myself. I got a bunch of clothes and moved them to my car so I can take it back to my parent's house. Taking clothes out of what was once my closet is another kick in the gut. Again another sign that this divorce is happening. Mentally I knew it was happening, but my heart still hopes for a miracle. I believe in miracles and this would be an amazing miracle.
On this cold snowy spring day, it's another one of the saddest days of my life. I'm going to have a few more saddest days of my life this year.
A couple of days ago I had written how my wife was my Balm of Gilead. That's true but I now need to find a new Balm of Gilead. With the big hole in my heart I've been looking at match.com for someone to fill it. I'm not a stud by any stretch of the imagination so that may take awhile. There's different types of contact you can have on match.com with other people. There are e-mails, winks plus you can im potential mates. So far I've received 3 winks. The first one I received was from a babe in Billings, Montana. She's allegedly 30 years old, but I was very skeptical that this was a real person. I was even more confused when I received another wink from another 30 year old babe. These aren't normally women that would get in contact with a 42 year old, overweight man with 4 kids. I was furthered suspicious when both profiles were practically the same. For those of you on match.com be careful. I reported the suspicious profiles to match.com.
When she got home, I went and worked through a whole bunch of my books. Eventually I'm going to have to move those, I went through my books and got rid of a bunch of them. I moved out a lot of my stuff and now have a lot of stuff at my parent's house. They are going to be cool about letting me store my stuff for now. Hopefully soon I can find a good job and move out of my parent's house and gather all my stuff in one place. 42 years old is just too old to live at the parent's house.
My wife has been a lot less cold today to me, I appreciate that. She's still an amazing looking woman. Being around her is still a thrill, I still remember why I fell in love with her. I look at these profiles on match.com and so many of these women don't stack up to her. Just out of force of habit I compare potential mates with her and there are so few women who don't measure up to her. I have very high standards already.
Aargh! Men please don't be stupid like me. This isn't a place where you want to be. The place I currently am in is hell.
themusicaddict
I went and filled out some paperwork for a job that I'm hired for that starts in May today in Ogden. I have my kids tonight and my wife's house is between where I filled out the paperwork and my parent's house (West Bountiful). I asked her and she reluctantly agreed I could come an hang out there until the kids get home. I want to put as few miles on my car as possible, it just broke the 170,000 mile mark. With her at school for a couple of hours I was there by myself. I got a bunch of clothes and moved them to my car so I can take it back to my parent's house. Taking clothes out of what was once my closet is another kick in the gut. Again another sign that this divorce is happening. Mentally I knew it was happening, but my heart still hopes for a miracle. I believe in miracles and this would be an amazing miracle.
On this cold snowy spring day, it's another one of the saddest days of my life. I'm going to have a few more saddest days of my life this year.
A couple of days ago I had written how my wife was my Balm of Gilead. That's true but I now need to find a new Balm of Gilead. With the big hole in my heart I've been looking at match.com for someone to fill it. I'm not a stud by any stretch of the imagination so that may take awhile. There's different types of contact you can have on match.com with other people. There are e-mails, winks plus you can im potential mates. So far I've received 3 winks. The first one I received was from a babe in Billings, Montana. She's allegedly 30 years old, but I was very skeptical that this was a real person. I was even more confused when I received another wink from another 30 year old babe. These aren't normally women that would get in contact with a 42 year old, overweight man with 4 kids. I was furthered suspicious when both profiles were practically the same. For those of you on match.com be careful. I reported the suspicious profiles to match.com.
When she got home, I went and worked through a whole bunch of my books. Eventually I'm going to have to move those, I went through my books and got rid of a bunch of them. I moved out a lot of my stuff and now have a lot of stuff at my parent's house. They are going to be cool about letting me store my stuff for now. Hopefully soon I can find a good job and move out of my parent's house and gather all my stuff in one place. 42 years old is just too old to live at the parent's house.
My wife has been a lot less cold today to me, I appreciate that. She's still an amazing looking woman. Being around her is still a thrill, I still remember why I fell in love with her. I look at these profiles on match.com and so many of these women don't stack up to her. Just out of force of habit I compare potential mates with her and there are so few women who don't measure up to her. I have very high standards already.
Aargh! Men please don't be stupid like me. This isn't a place where you want to be. The place I currently am in is hell.
themusicaddict
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
A Pep In My Step, Homework
Hello,
Just a couple of notes from pop culture. The detective TV show "Castle" has been renewed for a third season. I'd never watched this show until my wife got me into it a few weeks ago. The slant on this show is that an author drives around with a detective as she solves crimes. That's how he gets ideas for his future novels. It's a pretty clever show. My wife got me into this show, now it's another show I can't watch because I'm reminded of her too much.
Also this from Entertainment Weekly's website. I thought this was pretty interesting.
"Stephenie Meyer will publish The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner, a 192-page novella centered on a newborn vampire introduced in the third Twilight novel, Eclipse, in June. The story chronicles the journey of villain Victoria’s newborn vampire army as they prepare to close in on Bella and the Cullens. It will be released at 12:01 a.m. on June 5 in hardcover ($13.99, with $1 from each sale going to the American Red Cross International Response Fund). From June 7 to July 5, fans will be able to read the book for free online at www.breetanner.com, which will also provide a link to the American Red Cross website where they can donate to support relief efforts in Haiti, Chile, and around the globe."
Anyway on to my homework now. First of all an update on how the divorce is going (very painfully). I imed with my wife this morning, hey we are modern people, and we finalized how we're going to split up everything in the divorce. That was pretty simple. This has been a relatively peaceful divorce, we both want to make things as healthy for our kids. We both love them very much, I didn't realize how much I loved my kids until I can hardly ever see them now.
I'm going by my wife's house tomorrow to box up some of my stuff and take it away. (That just makes the finality of this decision kick me in the gut again.) I then am taking my kids to my parent's house for a few hours so that I can see them. We also have a divorce class on Monday night, then a couple of weeks later our divorce will be final. I'm going to sign the final papers on Friday. Thank goodness for my counselor.
Why then do I have "a pep in my step" in the title of this blog. It's because I have felt like I'm in a holding pattern since I was asked to leave. But I had four great things happen to me today. 1) I talked with my counselor and I realized how much she's going to help me. 2) When I got home from that I had a call from a job I applied for, I have a job interview with them Thursday afternoon. 3) I've had another job lined up, but it doesn't start until May. Finally that job is now moving forward. Tomorrow I go in and fill out my paperwork and pick my schedule. 4) I was able to have a very nice conversation with my beautiful wife. I miss holding her in my arms and talking to her. The holding her in my arms is out of the question, but she always makes me feel so good when she talks to me. I love that woman so much.
I went to see my counselor for the second time today, she gave me some homework. First of all she gave me three books to check out on ADHD, something that has derailed both many of my jobs and my marriage. (I'm sorry again S.) She had to kick me out before I could see it, I now thank her for doing that. I've become much more of a man in the few weeks since my wife rightfully asked me to leave.
Anyway my therapist wanted me to think about how I've been living. Why is it that I've coasted so much? I said it's because I am lazy. She said that could be one explanation. The other explanation is that I'm afraid to put myself out there like I might be afraid of success. She also wanted me to examine why some times in my life I've been motivated. For instance, why did I graduate college, she says a lot of people drop out of college every day. Why did I keep on going? I kept on going until I finally graduated. With my history she seemed to be a little surprised by that.
Counseling isn't for the weak. She asks a lot of hard questions that I have to be honest with myself. I'm finding out a lot of painful things, but I'm going to be so much more the man when it's finished. I just wished I would have went several years ago when my wife asked. We might be a happily married couple now. Guys always listen to your wives, they always know what's going on. There's nothing you get past them.
Since I have to think about this issue I decided to write my blog about it today. I'm not blaming my parents but I grew up a very spoiled child. At some point I didn't make the changes to be a proper adult. I went from my Mom's house to my wife's house. I coasted along. Why? I think it's because I was use to one way and as my wife will tell you I'm not a big fan of change.
Why were there some times in my life where I was motivated, but most of the time I coasted along? I can think of a few times when I was motivated. Three conditions had to be met for me to be motivated 1) The goal had to be clear 2) There was a definite time frame and 3) there was a big payoff. For instance, with my beautiful wife, that's the prime example. I saw her and it soon became clear that we had chemistry, we had a whirlwind romance and quickly were engaged. She made me the happiest man in the world on June 11th, 1994.
Our engagement was six months long, it was a long engagement. There are so many things going on. However my goal was clear, marry this very beautiful woman. There was a definite time frame- June 11th, 1994. The payoff was big, the most gorgeous woman in the world was going to marry me. I'm still surprised, and very grateful, she made that decision.
Another time like that where I was very motivated is when I was trying to get my Securities License with Fidelity Investments. The goal, either pass the Series 7 and the Series 63 or lose my job. The time frame I had to have this very difficult information in my head for when the tests came around. The payoff I would be able to keep my job with Fidelity Investments, probably the best place I've ever worked.
Those are a few flashes of when I was very motivated. Mostly I just try to get by. I especially see this in my school career, I did just enough to graduate. Then in most of my jobs after that, I worked harder but still coasted. Then in the most important relationship in the world I mostly coasted. Instead of treating my wife like the princess she is, I coasted through the marriage with my eyes half closed. Instead of picking up on the cues she was giving me I completely missed them. Is it because I was ignoring them? Is it because I don't love her? No, it was because I wasn't understanding what she wanted. I completely missed it. Only when she had me leave did I have my ah ha moment.
Now I'm going through another one of those highly motivated times. Although it's an extreme long shot I was trying to get my wife back. I started going to counseling. That's a lot of hard work but I'm learning a lot about myself, plus its a place where I won't get hurt. I'm working on both keeping a job and learning how to keep a woman, the root cause of my issues with both is the same. The cause isn't ADHD, it's not learning how to be successful with ADHD. (It's that lazy, coasting behavior again.). I'm acclimating to a new ward, I have my temple recommend again and I'm taking my Priesthood seriously again. I'm getting ready to go to the temple for the first time in I don't know how many years. I know Satan is working against that as there is always something that comes up.
In this motivated time I'll be successful again. The goal learn how to treat a woman right, so that she'll want to stay in my life forever. She'll stay there because I'm doing the work and the things I need to do to so she'll be happy. (I just wish I would have done this earlier.) The time frame is nebulous: whenever the time is right. That actually might be good because I'll stay motivated longer this time. The payoff is huge, an eternally happy marriage. I'm in the midst of a lot of pain, but I'll come out of it a much better person. (Just as my beautiful wife pointed out to me when we were iming earlier. Seriously she's still my best friend, although I know I'm not her best friend. Another thing I'm kicking myself about.) Remember all people in relationships, friendship is the foundation for happiness in the rest of the relationship.
Don't be stupid like me.
themusicaddict
Just a couple of notes from pop culture. The detective TV show "Castle" has been renewed for a third season. I'd never watched this show until my wife got me into it a few weeks ago. The slant on this show is that an author drives around with a detective as she solves crimes. That's how he gets ideas for his future novels. It's a pretty clever show. My wife got me into this show, now it's another show I can't watch because I'm reminded of her too much.
Also this from Entertainment Weekly's website. I thought this was pretty interesting.
"Stephenie Meyer will publish The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner, a 192-page novella centered on a newborn vampire introduced in the third Twilight novel, Eclipse, in June. The story chronicles the journey of villain Victoria’s newborn vampire army as they prepare to close in on Bella and the Cullens. It will be released at 12:01 a.m. on June 5 in hardcover ($13.99, with $1 from each sale going to the American Red Cross International Response Fund). From June 7 to July 5, fans will be able to read the book for free online at www.breetanner.com, which will also provide a link to the American Red Cross website where they can donate to support relief efforts in Haiti, Chile, and around the globe."
Anyway on to my homework now. First of all an update on how the divorce is going (very painfully). I imed with my wife this morning, hey we are modern people, and we finalized how we're going to split up everything in the divorce. That was pretty simple. This has been a relatively peaceful divorce, we both want to make things as healthy for our kids. We both love them very much, I didn't realize how much I loved my kids until I can hardly ever see them now.
I'm going by my wife's house tomorrow to box up some of my stuff and take it away. (That just makes the finality of this decision kick me in the gut again.) I then am taking my kids to my parent's house for a few hours so that I can see them. We also have a divorce class on Monday night, then a couple of weeks later our divorce will be final. I'm going to sign the final papers on Friday. Thank goodness for my counselor.
Why then do I have "a pep in my step" in the title of this blog. It's because I have felt like I'm in a holding pattern since I was asked to leave. But I had four great things happen to me today. 1) I talked with my counselor and I realized how much she's going to help me. 2) When I got home from that I had a call from a job I applied for, I have a job interview with them Thursday afternoon. 3) I've had another job lined up, but it doesn't start until May. Finally that job is now moving forward. Tomorrow I go in and fill out my paperwork and pick my schedule. 4) I was able to have a very nice conversation with my beautiful wife. I miss holding her in my arms and talking to her. The holding her in my arms is out of the question, but she always makes me feel so good when she talks to me. I love that woman so much.
I went to see my counselor for the second time today, she gave me some homework. First of all she gave me three books to check out on ADHD, something that has derailed both many of my jobs and my marriage. (I'm sorry again S.) She had to kick me out before I could see it, I now thank her for doing that. I've become much more of a man in the few weeks since my wife rightfully asked me to leave.
Anyway my therapist wanted me to think about how I've been living. Why is it that I've coasted so much? I said it's because I am lazy. She said that could be one explanation. The other explanation is that I'm afraid to put myself out there like I might be afraid of success. She also wanted me to examine why some times in my life I've been motivated. For instance, why did I graduate college, she says a lot of people drop out of college every day. Why did I keep on going? I kept on going until I finally graduated. With my history she seemed to be a little surprised by that.
Counseling isn't for the weak. She asks a lot of hard questions that I have to be honest with myself. I'm finding out a lot of painful things, but I'm going to be so much more the man when it's finished. I just wished I would have went several years ago when my wife asked. We might be a happily married couple now. Guys always listen to your wives, they always know what's going on. There's nothing you get past them.
Since I have to think about this issue I decided to write my blog about it today. I'm not blaming my parents but I grew up a very spoiled child. At some point I didn't make the changes to be a proper adult. I went from my Mom's house to my wife's house. I coasted along. Why? I think it's because I was use to one way and as my wife will tell you I'm not a big fan of change.
Why were there some times in my life where I was motivated, but most of the time I coasted along? I can think of a few times when I was motivated. Three conditions had to be met for me to be motivated 1) The goal had to be clear 2) There was a definite time frame and 3) there was a big payoff. For instance, with my beautiful wife, that's the prime example. I saw her and it soon became clear that we had chemistry, we had a whirlwind romance and quickly were engaged. She made me the happiest man in the world on June 11th, 1994.
Our engagement was six months long, it was a long engagement. There are so many things going on. However my goal was clear, marry this very beautiful woman. There was a definite time frame- June 11th, 1994. The payoff was big, the most gorgeous woman in the world was going to marry me. I'm still surprised, and very grateful, she made that decision.
Another time like that where I was very motivated is when I was trying to get my Securities License with Fidelity Investments. The goal, either pass the Series 7 and the Series 63 or lose my job. The time frame I had to have this very difficult information in my head for when the tests came around. The payoff I would be able to keep my job with Fidelity Investments, probably the best place I've ever worked.
Those are a few flashes of when I was very motivated. Mostly I just try to get by. I especially see this in my school career, I did just enough to graduate. Then in most of my jobs after that, I worked harder but still coasted. Then in the most important relationship in the world I mostly coasted. Instead of treating my wife like the princess she is, I coasted through the marriage with my eyes half closed. Instead of picking up on the cues she was giving me I completely missed them. Is it because I was ignoring them? Is it because I don't love her? No, it was because I wasn't understanding what she wanted. I completely missed it. Only when she had me leave did I have my ah ha moment.
Now I'm going through another one of those highly motivated times. Although it's an extreme long shot I was trying to get my wife back. I started going to counseling. That's a lot of hard work but I'm learning a lot about myself, plus its a place where I won't get hurt. I'm working on both keeping a job and learning how to keep a woman, the root cause of my issues with both is the same. The cause isn't ADHD, it's not learning how to be successful with ADHD. (It's that lazy, coasting behavior again.). I'm acclimating to a new ward, I have my temple recommend again and I'm taking my Priesthood seriously again. I'm getting ready to go to the temple for the first time in I don't know how many years. I know Satan is working against that as there is always something that comes up.
In this motivated time I'll be successful again. The goal learn how to treat a woman right, so that she'll want to stay in my life forever. She'll stay there because I'm doing the work and the things I need to do to so she'll be happy. (I just wish I would have done this earlier.) The time frame is nebulous: whenever the time is right. That actually might be good because I'll stay motivated longer this time. The payoff is huge, an eternally happy marriage. I'm in the midst of a lot of pain, but I'll come out of it a much better person. (Just as my beautiful wife pointed out to me when we were iming earlier. Seriously she's still my best friend, although I know I'm not her best friend. Another thing I'm kicking myself about.) Remember all people in relationships, friendship is the foundation for happiness in the rest of the relationship.
Don't be stupid like me.
themusicaddict
Monday, March 29, 2010
My Balm of Gilead, 10 commitments (4 more coming later)
Hello,
I was feeling awful yesterday, walking around in a funk. I didn't feel like socializing. I wrote that blog yesterday afternoon and I didn't know what to do with all that pain, with that big hole in my chest. My wife read it. She was the one that left that less than complimentary comment on my blog. As much as I hate to say it, she's 100% right.
Ironically she lashed out me in her comment. I then noticed she was in her gmail chat account so I opened up conversation. We talked for about a hour then and over a hour later. Those two conversations helped me feel so good. She's letting her wall down a little bit around me. I want her with every ounce of my heart. But if I can't have that I would like her friendship. In spite of us tearfully getting a divorce she still is my best friend. She's my Balm of Gilead.
Thanks to wikipedia.com: Balm of Gilead is a balm (healing compound) made from the resinous gum of the balsam poplar (Populus candicans), a North American tree species. It takes its name from the allusive Biblical phrase "balm in Gilead", referring to the balm or balsam carried from Gilead by the caravan of merchants to whom Joseph was sold by his brothers (Genesis chapter 37). In all likelihood, this ancient trade item was what is now known as balsam of Mecca, produced from the tree Commiphora gileadensis (syn. Commiphora opobalsamum), native to southern Arabia.Balm of Gilead is used in skin care products for the treatment of eczema and dry skin.
The chances of us getting back together are extremely remote. However these pledges I will do no matter our relationship. Right now I'm going to make 10 commitments to her and our kids:
1) I will no longer call her names or make ridiculous accusations. I've said hurtful things in the past, mostly out of jealousy.
2) I will continually honor my Priesthood and be a Priesthood resource to my family from here on out. I'm always able to give any time of blessing, including blessings of comfort. We will be setting our second boy to the Priesthood in a couple of weeks. I look forward to it.
3) I will take my counseling seriously, to learn how to relate to people better. Also to learn how to find a good job and keep it.
4) I will always be there for you and our kids. Call me any time and I will help with anything.
James Taylor's "You've Got A Friend":
5) I will not let up in my temple responsibilities. I have my recommend now and hope to go to the temple this week. I will be helping someone else and myself. With this terrible situation going on in my life, I will be needing the peace that comes from the temple often.
6) Someday I'll start dating (I don't even want to think about it, all I want is my wife). I will only bring someone into my kids life that will be a loving parent and will get along with my still current wife. I'm in no hurry to be dating, I still have a lengthy recovery ahead of me.
7)
Songs about our relationship now. This first song has very little to do with my wife, other than the title. This song makes me think of her though.
Hinder's "Lips of An Angel":
The Commodores "Sail On": I watched the "Still" video. I hadn't realized how inappropriate it was. I apologize. The following two songs lyrics don't really apply to our situation, but the meaning and feeling of the song is right on.
The Commodores "Easy"
The Commodores "Three Times A Lady"
Do you think the Commodores had some commitment issues?
Queen's "You're My Best Friend":
Cheesy 80's video but the sentiment is accurate, the Scorpions "No One Like You".
themusicaddict
I was feeling awful yesterday, walking around in a funk. I didn't feel like socializing. I wrote that blog yesterday afternoon and I didn't know what to do with all that pain, with that big hole in my chest. My wife read it. She was the one that left that less than complimentary comment on my blog. As much as I hate to say it, she's 100% right.
Ironically she lashed out me in her comment. I then noticed she was in her gmail chat account so I opened up conversation. We talked for about a hour then and over a hour later. Those two conversations helped me feel so good. She's letting her wall down a little bit around me. I want her with every ounce of my heart. But if I can't have that I would like her friendship. In spite of us tearfully getting a divorce she still is my best friend. She's my Balm of Gilead.
Thanks to wikipedia.com: Balm of Gilead is a balm (healing compound) made from the resinous gum of the balsam poplar (Populus candicans), a North American tree species. It takes its name from the allusive Biblical phrase "balm in Gilead", referring to the balm or balsam carried from Gilead by the caravan of merchants to whom Joseph was sold by his brothers (Genesis chapter 37). In all likelihood, this ancient trade item was what is now known as balsam of Mecca, produced from the tree Commiphora gileadensis (syn. Commiphora opobalsamum), native to southern Arabia.Balm of Gilead is used in skin care products for the treatment of eczema and dry skin.
The chances of us getting back together are extremely remote. However these pledges I will do no matter our relationship. Right now I'm going to make 10 commitments to her and our kids:
1) I will no longer call her names or make ridiculous accusations. I've said hurtful things in the past, mostly out of jealousy.
2) I will continually honor my Priesthood and be a Priesthood resource to my family from here on out. I'm always able to give any time of blessing, including blessings of comfort. We will be setting our second boy to the Priesthood in a couple of weeks. I look forward to it.
3) I will take my counseling seriously, to learn how to relate to people better. Also to learn how to find a good job and keep it.
4) I will always be there for you and our kids. Call me any time and I will help with anything.
James Taylor's "You've Got A Friend":
5) I will not let up in my temple responsibilities. I have my recommend now and hope to go to the temple this week. I will be helping someone else and myself. With this terrible situation going on in my life, I will be needing the peace that comes from the temple often.
6) Someday I'll start dating (I don't even want to think about it, all I want is my wife). I will only bring someone into my kids life that will be a loving parent and will get along with my still current wife. I'm in no hurry to be dating, I still have a lengthy recovery ahead of me.
7)
Songs about our relationship now. This first song has very little to do with my wife, other than the title. This song makes me think of her though.
Hinder's "Lips of An Angel":
The Commodores "Sail On": I watched the "Still" video. I hadn't realized how inappropriate it was. I apologize. The following two songs lyrics don't really apply to our situation, but the meaning and feeling of the song is right on.
The Commodores "Easy"
The Commodores "Three Times A Lady"
Do you think the Commodores had some commitment issues?
Queen's "You're My Best Friend":
Cheesy 80's video but the sentiment is accurate, the Scorpions "No One Like You".
themusicaddict
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Family non happiness
Hello,
Today is a really bad day, I have a big hole in my heart. I use to have my wife there to help me feel better, but I don't have that any more. One of the things we did first when we were dating was we went and hung out. I needed to be with somebody that night and she changed her schedule around so she could be there for me. That was awesome, we went and saw the movie "Dazed and Confused". That was one of the best things someone has ever done for me.
Now I'm feeling worse than then and I have no one to be there for me. I can only see my family for 2 or 3 days each week. My wife only wants to see me if it moves along the divorce. My brother, sister-in-law and son are here. They are having fun as a family, whereas I'm alone. I feel like a big open wound today. I still wish I had my wife to help me feel better. Of course if I had my wife I wouldn't be feeling this way.
My wife is struggling with something but she won't tell me about it. I wish I could just be there for her and hold her. I wouldn't ask her any questions, I would just hold her and let her cry or whatever. The fact that I can't be there for her also hurts. The fact that she has practically cut me off from her life hurts as well. Guys please don't be such a fool like me and never take your wife for granted. You don't want to be here where I am.
My family were talking about my wife and how I'll need a haircut soon. My wife used to be my barber. My Mom said something like "now I'll have to have someone else besides my significant other be my barber." That was just one more kick in the gut. This sucks so bad!
I keep on hearing from people about the length of recovery for divorce, it looks like the average is about 9 months. That means I still have at least 8 months to go through this? I wish I could hang out with my family, even if for only a couple of hours.
Also thinking about dating again makes me want to drag a sharp razor across both of my wrists. I have extremely high standards for a wife. First of all they need to be temple worthy and I can take them to the temple. The reason why I mention this is because I had a wife that met that requirement and many other things. She was even better of a wife than I first thought she'd be.
themusicaddict
Today is a really bad day, I have a big hole in my heart. I use to have my wife there to help me feel better, but I don't have that any more. One of the things we did first when we were dating was we went and hung out. I needed to be with somebody that night and she changed her schedule around so she could be there for me. That was awesome, we went and saw the movie "Dazed and Confused". That was one of the best things someone has ever done for me.
Now I'm feeling worse than then and I have no one to be there for me. I can only see my family for 2 or 3 days each week. My wife only wants to see me if it moves along the divorce. My brother, sister-in-law and son are here. They are having fun as a family, whereas I'm alone. I feel like a big open wound today. I still wish I had my wife to help me feel better. Of course if I had my wife I wouldn't be feeling this way.
My wife is struggling with something but she won't tell me about it. I wish I could just be there for her and hold her. I wouldn't ask her any questions, I would just hold her and let her cry or whatever. The fact that I can't be there for her also hurts. The fact that she has practically cut me off from her life hurts as well. Guys please don't be such a fool like me and never take your wife for granted. You don't want to be here where I am.
My family were talking about my wife and how I'll need a haircut soon. My wife used to be my barber. My Mom said something like "now I'll have to have someone else besides my significant other be my barber." That was just one more kick in the gut. This sucks so bad!
I keep on hearing from people about the length of recovery for divorce, it looks like the average is about 9 months. That means I still have at least 8 months to go through this? I wish I could hang out with my family, even if for only a couple of hours.
Also thinking about dating again makes me want to drag a sharp razor across both of my wrists. I have extremely high standards for a wife. First of all they need to be temple worthy and I can take them to the temple. The reason why I mention this is because I had a wife that met that requirement and many other things. She was even better of a wife than I first thought she'd be.
themusicaddict
3/28/2010 Top 10
Hello,
Last week was Billboard #1's as a theme. Miley Cyrus was the mentor. We lost Paige Miles from the show. She was much better the previous week with her "Honky Tonk Woman" than this past week. Her previous week take on Phil Collins "Against All Odds" was very prophetic. As it was against all odds that she'd continue on. Next week is R&B/Soul week with Theater Usher as the mentor. I'm breaking this down in three levels.
Level 1: I'm sorry I didn't realize you were still in the competition.
10) Tim Urban (last week: 10) sang Queen's "Crazy Little Thing Called Love". He keeps on moving up my rankings just by surviving. It definitely has nothing to do with his singing voice.
9) Andrew Garcia (last week: 8) sang Marvin Gaye's "I Heard It Through The Grapevine". A great song that he didn't do so well with. It's about time for him to go home.
8) Katie Stevens (last week: 10) sang Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry". She moved up a couple of notches because she's less weak than Garcia or Urban.
7) Michael Lynche (last week: 9) sang Percy Sledge's "When A Man Loves A Woman". He didn't sing it like a man that loves a woman with passion.
The middle level:
6) Aaron Kelly (last week: 6) sang Aerosmith's "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing". That's a good song to woo a woman, but it's sort of a wimpy song. Kelly is sort of a wimpy person. Although I do like him more than I thought I would.
5) Lee Dewyze (last week: 7) sang The Box Tops "The Letter". He's starting to show a little personality but he's got to show more.
The people with the best chance of winning.
4) Casey James (last week: 2) sang a rather bland version of Huey Lewis and the News "The Power of Love". That was one of his weaker performances so far.
3) Sioban Magnus (last week: 3) sang Stevie Wonder's "Superstition". I was hoping for a little more than that performance.
2) Didi Benami (last week: 4) sang Linda Ronstadt's "You're No Good". I thought it was her second very good performance in two weeks. The preceding week she sang a sultry version of the Rolling Stones "Play With Fire".
1) Crystal Bowersox (last week: 1) sang Janis Joplin's "Me and Bobby McGee". Some people think she sang it better than Joplin did. She says she's planning big things for this week. It's about time for her to have another breakout performance like her Hollywood take on Aretha's "Natural Woman".
themusicaddict
Last week was Billboard #1's as a theme. Miley Cyrus was the mentor. We lost Paige Miles from the show. She was much better the previous week with her "Honky Tonk Woman" than this past week. Her previous week take on Phil Collins "Against All Odds" was very prophetic. As it was against all odds that she'd continue on. Next week is R&B/Soul week with Theater Usher as the mentor. I'm breaking this down in three levels.
Level 1: I'm sorry I didn't realize you were still in the competition.
10) Tim Urban (last week: 10) sang Queen's "Crazy Little Thing Called Love". He keeps on moving up my rankings just by surviving. It definitely has nothing to do with his singing voice.
9) Andrew Garcia (last week: 8) sang Marvin Gaye's "I Heard It Through The Grapevine". A great song that he didn't do so well with. It's about time for him to go home.
8) Katie Stevens (last week: 10) sang Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry". She moved up a couple of notches because she's less weak than Garcia or Urban.
7) Michael Lynche (last week: 9) sang Percy Sledge's "When A Man Loves A Woman". He didn't sing it like a man that loves a woman with passion.
The middle level:
6) Aaron Kelly (last week: 6) sang Aerosmith's "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing". That's a good song to woo a woman, but it's sort of a wimpy song. Kelly is sort of a wimpy person. Although I do like him more than I thought I would.
5) Lee Dewyze (last week: 7) sang The Box Tops "The Letter". He's starting to show a little personality but he's got to show more.
The people with the best chance of winning.
4) Casey James (last week: 2) sang a rather bland version of Huey Lewis and the News "The Power of Love". That was one of his weaker performances so far.
3) Sioban Magnus (last week: 3) sang Stevie Wonder's "Superstition". I was hoping for a little more than that performance.
2) Didi Benami (last week: 4) sang Linda Ronstadt's "You're No Good". I thought it was her second very good performance in two weeks. The preceding week she sang a sultry version of the Rolling Stones "Play With Fire".
1) Crystal Bowersox (last week: 1) sang Janis Joplin's "Me and Bobby McGee". Some people think she sang it better than Joplin did. She says she's planning big things for this week. It's about time for her to have another breakout performance like her Hollywood take on Aretha's "Natural Woman".
themusicaddict
Thanks iTunes!
Hello,
I woke up this morning about 3:00. I then tossed and turned and had a fitful sleep until finally getting up for good at 6:40. I was having trouble sleeping because I keep on thinking about the loss of my wife and family. I've lost so much.
I listen to most of my music on iTunes, and it lets me organize songs into various playlists. I have a playlist setup for Sundays. Mellow, wholesome songs make up that playlist typically. 99% of the time I listen to iTunes on random. Guess the first two songs iTunes played for me randomly? Two of the saddest songs about love of all-time. That just added to my depressed feeling. Thankfully I'm going to church in awhile to get some counter balance.
Here's the two songs and their painful lyrics. The first is an all-time classic. Despite it's beautiful melody, its one of the most painful songs ever. The Platters "Smoke Gets In Your Eyes".
They asked me how I knew
My true love was true
Oh, I of course replied
Something here inside cannot be denied
They said someday you'll find
All who love are blind
Oh, when your heart's on fire
You must realize
Smoke gets in your eyes
So I chaffed them and I gaily laughed
To think they could doubt my love
Yet today my love has flown away
I am without my love
Now laughing friends deride
Tears I can not hide
Oh, so I smile and say
When a lovely flame dies
Smoke gets in your eyes
Smoke gets in your eyes
Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reachin for the phone cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time
It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
Yes I'd rather hurt than feel nothin at all
It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
I just need you now
Ooo, baby, I need you now
For those people who are really struggling right now and are looking for something to help them feel better, read 2nd Nephi 9. It's all about the Atonement and will help you feel a lot better.
be back later today with my "American Idol" Top Ten,
themusicaddict
I woke up this morning about 3:00. I then tossed and turned and had a fitful sleep until finally getting up for good at 6:40. I was having trouble sleeping because I keep on thinking about the loss of my wife and family. I've lost so much.
I listen to most of my music on iTunes, and it lets me organize songs into various playlists. I have a playlist setup for Sundays. Mellow, wholesome songs make up that playlist typically. 99% of the time I listen to iTunes on random. Guess the first two songs iTunes played for me randomly? Two of the saddest songs about love of all-time. That just added to my depressed feeling. Thankfully I'm going to church in awhile to get some counter balance.
Here's the two songs and their painful lyrics. The first is an all-time classic. Despite it's beautiful melody, its one of the most painful songs ever. The Platters "Smoke Gets In Your Eyes".
They asked me how I knew
My true love was true
Oh, I of course replied
Something here inside cannot be denied
They said someday you'll find
All who love are blind
Oh, when your heart's on fire
You must realize
Smoke gets in your eyes
So I chaffed them and I gaily laughed
To think they could doubt my love
Yet today my love has flown away
I am without my love
Now laughing friends deride
Tears I can not hide
Oh, so I smile and say
When a lovely flame dies
Smoke gets in your eyes
Smoke gets in your eyes
Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reachin for the phone cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time
It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
Yes I'd rather hurt than feel nothin at all
It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
I just need you now
Ooo, baby, I need you now
For those people who are really struggling right now and are looking for something to help them feel better, read 2nd Nephi 9. It's all about the Atonement and will help you feel a lot better.
be back later today with my "American Idol" Top Ten,
themusicaddict
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Rebounds and Rebounding
Hello,
I now understand why people rebound when a relationship ends. At least for me, I have a big hole in my chest. I had our two youngest kids since last night up until 2:00 today. We watched a movie last night, put together puzzles and they slept over with me.
This morning we just hung out. This afternoon we went and ate at Burger King and then went to Castle Park (which is what my daughter calls a park in Kaysville, Utah). I was feeling brave driving to Burger King, thinking I can handle this divorce thing. As we got closer to house I realized how much I was lying to myself. After that I took them home and as we got closer to her house, that hole in my chest grew bigger and bigger. By the time we got to her house, I let the kids out of the car, made sure they got in the house safe and cruised. I could not wait to leave, it would have been just too painful to see her. See picture below to understand. That's the way she wants the kids to be exchanged.
As I was driving to her house I was thinking about how the guy gets the worst end of the deal with divorce by far. All my wife loses is me, which she didn't want anyway. She even is entitled to most of my income, which I have no problem with. I still want her to have food and the kids to be able to live in the house where they are. But I mostly lose my kids, I only get to see them two days a week. How is that fair? I also lose my pets, we have two big old dogs I loved so much. Dogs that I will rarely ever be able to see.
People rebound looking for someone to fill that hole in their life. I still love my wife very much. I also very much believe in the sanctity of marriage. Although the marriage is ending I'm not going to do anything to sully that. I'll be completely faithful until that horrid day our divorce is final. If I meet someone I will talk to them, but that's it. I'm pretty open about how it's going to work. Will it limit my contacts, yes. However I want to do it right. I don't want to meet potential mates in person or anything even remotely resembling dating until then. Then even then it will still be half-hearted, at least for a little while. I think this song describes what I'm feeling now:
The lyrics above are so close to how I feel, they give me goosebumps.
I don't know if I'll find someone that completes my life as much as my wife does. For hell's sake I still wear my wedding ring, that's how serious I take my wedding vows. The marriage will probably end long before I take my ring off. I had a good friend suggest to wait at least a year after the end of the relationship before dating again. And as another friend said, they didn't want to play the dating game again. This person is just going to wait until the Lord brings someone into their life. I certainly understand that, that's a lot of my dating strategy as well.
I again would just like to thank my wife again. Since she kicked me out I've been reminded of my responsibilities. I have my temple recommend for the first time in 4 years. I read the scriptures nearly every day now, whereas before I hardly opened them. I have a counselor, who will be able to help me a lot, to help me with all my issues. A counselor I should have got several years ago. (I can my wife nodding her head.) I've lost 18 pounds since I started my weight loss program, most of that after I got kicked out. I'm eating better, I now enjoy eating bananas on a regular basis. Although I can't wait until they are genetically injured to be as good as Doritos though. My next wife is going to get the benefit of all those lessons. That's if there is a next wife. (Again, again my wife is awesome, this is not to demean her in anyway. I'm just trying to explain how much I've lost and why I have such a big hole in my heart.)
This is what I use to have:
This is what I have now:
Now lets talk about rebounds, the basketball type. I'm not going to lie to you the Butler-Kansas State is going on right now. I'm sort of torn in who I want to win. Normally I would be cheering for Butler, a team from a so called mid-major conference. I can just see the headline now if they win, "The Butler Did It". I'm a bit torn in this situation though, after all Kansas State knocked out my beloved BYU Cougars. This KSU-Butler game is going to a very exciting ending. The other game today is West Virginia-Kentucky. I can't pick who I want to win in this game either. For one Kentucky is always good and that gets boring. Also they are the team that knocked out my alma mater, the U. of U., when the Utes were trying for a National Championship a few years ago. Then West Virginia has that reprehensible person Bob Huggins as their coach. One of the all-time biggest jerks in college basketball history.
It's much easier to pick tomorrowout of tomorrow's games. First we have Tennessee-Michigan St. I'm hoping Tom Izzo's MSU team makes it back to it's second consecutive Final Four. They give hope to all of Michigan, especially Detroit. Then in the last game of the day it will be Duke vs. Baylor. I probably won't watch it, but will be following it on the Internet. I'll be cheering for Baylor with all my heart. I dislike Duke for so many reasons I don't even want to start listing them.
Coming tomorrow my new Top Ten or Eleven "AI" list. Guess who's going to be number one. Yup, you're right.
themusicaddict
I now understand why people rebound when a relationship ends. At least for me, I have a big hole in my chest. I had our two youngest kids since last night up until 2:00 today. We watched a movie last night, put together puzzles and they slept over with me.
This morning we just hung out. This afternoon we went and ate at Burger King and then went to Castle Park (which is what my daughter calls a park in Kaysville, Utah). I was feeling brave driving to Burger King, thinking I can handle this divorce thing. As we got closer to house I realized how much I was lying to myself. After that I took them home and as we got closer to her house, that hole in my chest grew bigger and bigger. By the time we got to her house, I let the kids out of the car, made sure they got in the house safe and cruised. I could not wait to leave, it would have been just too painful to see her. See picture below to understand. That's the way she wants the kids to be exchanged.
As I was driving to her house I was thinking about how the guy gets the worst end of the deal with divorce by far. All my wife loses is me, which she didn't want anyway. She even is entitled to most of my income, which I have no problem with. I still want her to have food and the kids to be able to live in the house where they are. But I mostly lose my kids, I only get to see them two days a week. How is that fair? I also lose my pets, we have two big old dogs I loved so much. Dogs that I will rarely ever be able to see.
People rebound looking for someone to fill that hole in their life. I still love my wife very much. I also very much believe in the sanctity of marriage. Although the marriage is ending I'm not going to do anything to sully that. I'll be completely faithful until that horrid day our divorce is final. If I meet someone I will talk to them, but that's it. I'm pretty open about how it's going to work. Will it limit my contacts, yes. However I want to do it right. I don't want to meet potential mates in person or anything even remotely resembling dating until then. Then even then it will still be half-hearted, at least for a little while. I think this song describes what I'm feeling now:
The lyrics above are so close to how I feel, they give me goosebumps.
I don't know if I'll find someone that completes my life as much as my wife does. For hell's sake I still wear my wedding ring, that's how serious I take my wedding vows. The marriage will probably end long before I take my ring off. I had a good friend suggest to wait at least a year after the end of the relationship before dating again. And as another friend said, they didn't want to play the dating game again. This person is just going to wait until the Lord brings someone into their life. I certainly understand that, that's a lot of my dating strategy as well.
I again would just like to thank my wife again. Since she kicked me out I've been reminded of my responsibilities. I have my temple recommend for the first time in 4 years. I read the scriptures nearly every day now, whereas before I hardly opened them. I have a counselor, who will be able to help me a lot, to help me with all my issues. A counselor I should have got several years ago. (I can my wife nodding her head.) I've lost 18 pounds since I started my weight loss program, most of that after I got kicked out. I'm eating better, I now enjoy eating bananas on a regular basis. Although I can't wait until they are genetically injured to be as good as Doritos though. My next wife is going to get the benefit of all those lessons. That's if there is a next wife. (Again, again my wife is awesome, this is not to demean her in anyway. I'm just trying to explain how much I've lost and why I have such a big hole in my heart.)
This is what I use to have:
This is what I have now:
Now lets talk about rebounds, the basketball type. I'm not going to lie to you the Butler-Kansas State is going on right now. I'm sort of torn in who I want to win. Normally I would be cheering for Butler, a team from a so called mid-major conference. I can just see the headline now if they win, "The Butler Did It". I'm a bit torn in this situation though, after all Kansas State knocked out my beloved BYU Cougars. This KSU-Butler game is going to a very exciting ending. The other game today is West Virginia-Kentucky. I can't pick who I want to win in this game either. For one Kentucky is always good and that gets boring. Also they are the team that knocked out my alma mater, the U. of U., when the Utes were trying for a National Championship a few years ago. Then West Virginia has that reprehensible person Bob Huggins as their coach. One of the all-time biggest jerks in college basketball history.
It's much easier to pick tomorrowout of tomorrow's games. First we have Tennessee-Michigan St. I'm hoping Tom Izzo's MSU team makes it back to it's second consecutive Final Four. They give hope to all of Michigan, especially Detroit. Then in the last game of the day it will be Duke vs. Baylor. I probably won't watch it, but will be following it on the Internet. I'll be cheering for Baylor with all my heart. I dislike Duke for so many reasons I don't even want to start listing them.
Coming tomorrow my new Top Ten or Eleven "AI" list. Guess who's going to be number one. Yup, you're right.
themusicaddict
Friday, March 26, 2010
"FlashForward"
Hello,
After showing 10 episodes back in the fall, "FlashForward" returned to the air last week with a two part special. Those were okay episodes as the show builds to what exactly caused the "FlashForward" and what might cause another one.
I thought I had last night's episode set up to record, when I went into watch it though it hadn't recorded. Thanks to abc.com I was able to go to their website and watch it. This was a great episode and this is such a great show. I'm not sure why more people aren't watching it. Last week the two part episode didn't have very good ratings.
People you have to watch this show, this is fantastic. Thanks to Robert Sawyer the story idea is genius. Something that hadn't been thought of before, which is hard to do now. I'm afraid this show is going to go away unless people watch it.
For themusicaddict's sake please watch it. Thanks
themusicaddict
After showing 10 episodes back in the fall, "FlashForward" returned to the air last week with a two part special. Those were okay episodes as the show builds to what exactly caused the "FlashForward" and what might cause another one.
I thought I had last night's episode set up to record, when I went into watch it though it hadn't recorded. Thanks to abc.com I was able to go to their website and watch it. This was a great episode and this is such a great show. I'm not sure why more people aren't watching it. Last week the two part episode didn't have very good ratings.
People you have to watch this show, this is fantastic. Thanks to Robert Sawyer the story idea is genius. Something that hadn't been thought of before, which is hard to do now. I'm afraid this show is going to go away unless people watch it.
For themusicaddict's sake please watch it. Thanks
themusicaddict
Trainwreck
Hello,
Today's blog is about the train wreck of this past Wednesday's "American Idol" results show. The show where we went from 11 to 10 contestants. I actually wish we could have gone to about 7 contestants, why stop at 10.
First of all next week is R&B/ Soul Week which I'm okay with, however Usher as the mentor? I'm sure he's more qualified than Miley but still.
The show opened up with that awful, lip synced group performance. They sang along to Wham's "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go". Next up was another awful Ford commercial. They have those online so that you can go see them again! I don't even want to see them in the first place. For those first two things, thank goodness for the DVR.
Then Ryan is asking the contestants questions, he asked Sioban a question. I thought she was never going to stop talking. Anyway she is safe, and after some tension so are Lee and Casey. Tim and Paige are in the bottom three for this week. I predicted the bottom 4 would be Lacey Brown, Paige Miles, Tim Urban and Katie Stevens. So far I've been right on. Both Brown and Miles are sent home and Urban and Stevens were the other two people in the bottom 3.
Miley Cyrus then took the stage for an awful rendition of something called a "When I Look At You". Was she even playing the piano? What was up with that butt ugly mermaid dress? What was with the drastic head bobs where it looked like she was going to fall down? That song sucked and her performance confirmed my opinion that she can't sing.
Then Aaron, Didi, Michael and Crystal are all safe. Ryan asked her who she was going to listen to if you make it through next week. She gave the best answer possible, "Me". Then it was down to Andrew Garcia and Katie Stevens, one of them was safe and one of them was in the bottom three. Andrew was safe this week, but I anticipate seeing him in the bottom 3 next week unless he's absolutely sensational.
This weeks bottom three are Tim Urban, Paige Miles and Katie Stevens. Katie then is sent back to safety.
Then another janky performance Joe Jonas and Demi Lovato sang a song titled "Make A Wave". Okay that was better than "When I Look At You", but it still sucked. It reminded me of Kara's lame song that poor Kris Allen had to sing last year as last season's winner. Ryan was right though those two do have some chemistry. Demi Lovato is very attractive and it looks like she actually has talent. If she gets the right songs she would be more popular than Britney Spears.
Then Ryan announces Paige will be going home unless she gets the bogus judges save. They've made their decision even before she sings and its unanimous: Paige you are going home. Simon didn't want to give her "false hope". The show did close with her singing though.
The ten people you'll be seeing on tour this summer are Tim Urban, Katie Stevens, Aaron Kelly, Andrew Garcia, Michael Lynch, Didi Benami, Lee Dewyze, Sioban Magnus, Crystal Bowersox and Casey James.
I wish they would have only 7 people on tour, I think that would be more economical and more entertaining. Thinking about paying money to see Tim Urban, Katie Stevens, Michael Lynche and Andrew Garcia is painful.
themusicaddict
Today's blog is about the train wreck of this past Wednesday's "American Idol" results show. The show where we went from 11 to 10 contestants. I actually wish we could have gone to about 7 contestants, why stop at 10.
First of all next week is R&B/ Soul Week which I'm okay with, however Usher as the mentor? I'm sure he's more qualified than Miley but still.
The show opened up with that awful, lip synced group performance. They sang along to Wham's "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go". Next up was another awful Ford commercial. They have those online so that you can go see them again! I don't even want to see them in the first place. For those first two things, thank goodness for the DVR.
Then Ryan is asking the contestants questions, he asked Sioban a question. I thought she was never going to stop talking. Anyway she is safe, and after some tension so are Lee and Casey. Tim and Paige are in the bottom three for this week. I predicted the bottom 4 would be Lacey Brown, Paige Miles, Tim Urban and Katie Stevens. So far I've been right on. Both Brown and Miles are sent home and Urban and Stevens were the other two people in the bottom 3.
Miley Cyrus then took the stage for an awful rendition of something called a "When I Look At You". Was she even playing the piano? What was up with that butt ugly mermaid dress? What was with the drastic head bobs where it looked like she was going to fall down? That song sucked and her performance confirmed my opinion that she can't sing.
Then Aaron, Didi, Michael and Crystal are all safe. Ryan asked her who she was going to listen to if you make it through next week. She gave the best answer possible, "Me". Then it was down to Andrew Garcia and Katie Stevens, one of them was safe and one of them was in the bottom three. Andrew was safe this week, but I anticipate seeing him in the bottom 3 next week unless he's absolutely sensational.
This weeks bottom three are Tim Urban, Paige Miles and Katie Stevens. Katie then is sent back to safety.
Then another janky performance Joe Jonas and Demi Lovato sang a song titled "Make A Wave". Okay that was better than "When I Look At You", but it still sucked. It reminded me of Kara's lame song that poor Kris Allen had to sing last year as last season's winner. Ryan was right though those two do have some chemistry. Demi Lovato is very attractive and it looks like she actually has talent. If she gets the right songs she would be more popular than Britney Spears.
Then Ryan announces Paige will be going home unless she gets the bogus judges save. They've made their decision even before she sings and its unanimous: Paige you are going home. Simon didn't want to give her "false hope". The show did close with her singing though.
The ten people you'll be seeing on tour this summer are Tim Urban, Katie Stevens, Aaron Kelly, Andrew Garcia, Michael Lynch, Didi Benami, Lee Dewyze, Sioban Magnus, Crystal Bowersox and Casey James.
I wish they would have only 7 people on tour, I think that would be more economical and more entertaining. Thinking about paying money to see Tim Urban, Katie Stevens, Michael Lynche and Andrew Garcia is painful.
themusicaddict
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
match.com, great songs
Hello,
With the divorce between my wife coming up soon, I spent a few minutes on match.com looking around. That was a complete waste of time. The pickings are slim. I had cancelled my membership within a couple of hours. I'm reminded again how much I had with Stefanie. I've accepted the end of this marriage is coming up, but that doesn't make it easy. I've decided to just let the Lord guide me to that special person when it's His time. I'm in no hurry as it's going to still take several months to completely heal from this.
I continue to work hard on the things she want me to do and the things I need to do. I don't do those for her, I do those for me and our kids. I received my temple recommend on Tuesday. I continue to exercise and have lost 17 pounds so far. I still am fat, but at least I'm less fat. I'm now down in the 240's, skinnier but don't imagine me in a swimming suit. I went to my first counseling appointment today. She seems like she's going to be able to help me quite a bit. After talking to her for a hour and recreating some of the successes and failures of my life, she thinks she can help me. Her prognosis is to help me "unlearn self-defeating behaviors". (But they've been so effective for me!) I'm finally reading the scriptures, I actually even got of 1st Nephi this time!
I continue to look for jobs and they continue to elude me. If I was a millionaire I wouldn't worry about it, but I'm far from being that. I have a family I need to support and no money to do so. I'll keep on looking hard for a job. I miss my family and kids so much. There's just this big hole in my life and not much to fill it now.
Guys please learn from me: If you have an amazing woman in your life, do everything you can to keep her. Don't take her for granted like I did my beautiful wife. I was thinking tonight, what a dumbass I am.
I completely understand the Cinderella song, "Don't Know What You Got Until It's Gone". (Sorry I'm a child of the 80's.)
I apologize to anyone out there who thinks this is pathetic. It's a real struggle I'm having right now. I'd love to hear any advice you have. Once again this blog is not against my wife, she rules. This entry is more about the regret of losing such a great person. My therapist asked me to describe my wife. I said "she's beautiful, smart, handy, a great mother". My therapist says it seems like you still really like her. Yes Dr. I do!
Enough of my whining and I hear you who are thinking, "Stop being such a wuss and suck it up." It's just nights like this when I'm alone that the sadness comes in. It sucks when a marriage that I thought was going to be eternal isn't.
S, remember I'll always love you. I'll be so jealous when our divorce is final and you start dating. He's going to be a very lucky man.
The following songs are songs I heard while exercising this morning. These songs make me think of my wife. Although the songs remind me of my wife, don't take the lyrics literally for our relationship. It's the idea or thought of the song that remind me of her. I really am going to try and limit my divorce blogs I promise.
"Goodbye My Lover" one of her favorite songs by probably her favorite singer. This is such a damn song, which is appropriate for a song about the end of a relationship.
Another great song by James Blunt "You're Beautiful". Another brutally melancholy song. A song where it almost seems like James is singing specifically about the end of our marriage.
One more from Mr. Blunt, "Goodbye Jimmy".
"You Were Mine" by the Dixie Chicks. Another heartbreaking song. Of all these songs this is probably the lyrics closest to the end of our marriage.
Another amazing song about the loss of a relationship, the James Taylor classic "Fire and Rain".
The Commodores "Still".
Okay let's get just a bit funky. This song is definitely about my wife :)
Here's one more this is just a song I really like, Cascada's "Evacuate The Dancefloor".
the melancholy music addict
With the divorce between my wife coming up soon, I spent a few minutes on match.com looking around. That was a complete waste of time. The pickings are slim. I had cancelled my membership within a couple of hours. I'm reminded again how much I had with Stefanie. I've accepted the end of this marriage is coming up, but that doesn't make it easy. I've decided to just let the Lord guide me to that special person when it's His time. I'm in no hurry as it's going to still take several months to completely heal from this.
I continue to work hard on the things she want me to do and the things I need to do. I don't do those for her, I do those for me and our kids. I received my temple recommend on Tuesday. I continue to exercise and have lost 17 pounds so far. I still am fat, but at least I'm less fat. I'm now down in the 240's, skinnier but don't imagine me in a swimming suit. I went to my first counseling appointment today. She seems like she's going to be able to help me quite a bit. After talking to her for a hour and recreating some of the successes and failures of my life, she thinks she can help me. Her prognosis is to help me "unlearn self-defeating behaviors". (But they've been so effective for me!) I'm finally reading the scriptures, I actually even got of 1st Nephi this time!
I continue to look for jobs and they continue to elude me. If I was a millionaire I wouldn't worry about it, but I'm far from being that. I have a family I need to support and no money to do so. I'll keep on looking hard for a job. I miss my family and kids so much. There's just this big hole in my life and not much to fill it now.
Guys please learn from me: If you have an amazing woman in your life, do everything you can to keep her. Don't take her for granted like I did my beautiful wife. I was thinking tonight, what a dumbass I am.
I completely understand the Cinderella song, "Don't Know What You Got Until It's Gone". (Sorry I'm a child of the 80's.)
I apologize to anyone out there who thinks this is pathetic. It's a real struggle I'm having right now. I'd love to hear any advice you have. Once again this blog is not against my wife, she rules. This entry is more about the regret of losing such a great person. My therapist asked me to describe my wife. I said "she's beautiful, smart, handy, a great mother". My therapist says it seems like you still really like her. Yes Dr. I do!
Enough of my whining and I hear you who are thinking, "Stop being such a wuss and suck it up." It's just nights like this when I'm alone that the sadness comes in. It sucks when a marriage that I thought was going to be eternal isn't.
S, remember I'll always love you. I'll be so jealous when our divorce is final and you start dating. He's going to be a very lucky man.
The following songs are songs I heard while exercising this morning. These songs make me think of my wife. Although the songs remind me of my wife, don't take the lyrics literally for our relationship. It's the idea or thought of the song that remind me of her. I really am going to try and limit my divorce blogs I promise.
"Goodbye My Lover" one of her favorite songs by probably her favorite singer. This is such a damn song, which is appropriate for a song about the end of a relationship.
Another great song by James Blunt "You're Beautiful". Another brutally melancholy song. A song where it almost seems like James is singing specifically about the end of our marriage.
One more from Mr. Blunt, "Goodbye Jimmy".
"You Were Mine" by the Dixie Chicks. Another heartbreaking song. Of all these songs this is probably the lyrics closest to the end of our marriage.
Another amazing song about the loss of a relationship, the James Taylor classic "Fire and Rain".
The Commodores "Still".
Okay let's get just a bit funky. This song is definitely about my wife :)
Here's one more this is just a song I really like, Cascada's "Evacuate The Dancefloor".
the melancholy music addict
Taylor Swift rules!
Hello,
Why couldn't Taylor Swift have been the mentor on "American Idol" last night.
I've been listening to Taylor Swift's self-titled first CD a lot lately. I have to give it a big thumbs up. It's a great CD. It's highlighted by the following songs. Enjoy.
"Should've Said No"
"Teardrops On My Guitar"
"Picture To Burn"
"Tim McGraw"
"Our Song"
themusicaddict
Why couldn't Taylor Swift have been the mentor on "American Idol" last night.
I've been listening to Taylor Swift's self-titled first CD a lot lately. I have to give it a big thumbs up. It's a great CD. It's highlighted by the following songs. Enjoy.
"Should've Said No"
"Teardrops On My Guitar"
"Picture To Burn"
"Tim McGraw"
"Our Song"
themusicaddict
"American Idol" Top 11
Hello,
"American Idol" Top 11 with Miley Cyrus as "mentor". I thought she was okay, but I'm not convinced she was an appropriate choice for mentor. Why was Miley wearing such an ugly outfit to the mentoring sessions. I'm not sure that Miley can sing, but I love her speaking voice. A good mentor would be Sarah Brightman, Barbara Streisand, someone who has lived a little.
I hate how the announcer announces the judges as they walk to their seats. At least they aren't holding hands like they did last year. What's up with Simon and Kara and their constant flirting, she gave him the flirty push last night. I wonder what her husband thinks about that.
1) Lee Dewwyze sang the Boxtops "The Letter". I liked his version of this song and thought it was one of his better performances of the season. He's actually trying to exhibit a little personality. I love the addition of the horns. All the judges but Simon liked his performance. I loved Ellen's favorite pen analogy. Kara is absolutely right that he has made a tremendous amount of progress. Grade B+, buy? maybe.
2) Paige Miles sang Phil Collins "Against All Odds". I like his version much better than the Westlife/ Mariah Carey version. (That reminds me of another great song from a movie that came out in the 80's. Yes, the movie was called "White Knights". The song is Phil Collins and Marilyn Martin's "Separate Lives".) First of all I thought Paige looked fantastic. Overall she had a very good performance. The judges on the other hand were brutal. Simon said she's in "serious, serious trouble". I think Andrew might be the one who is in the most trouble. What do I know though? Grade B+, buy? possibly.
3) Tim Urban sang Queen's "Crazy Little Thing Called Love". A great song but he didn't do it any favors. It just wasn't good. I have no idea why he's still in this competition. He's got the tween vote it seems, he's probably not in any danger for at least a couple of weeks. Although I do agree with Simon when he said, he has "O% chance of winning right now." In fact the only way I think he will win is if the other 10 die or drop out. Grade: C+, buy? are you kidding?
4) Aaron Kelly sang Aerosmith's "I Don't Want to Miss A Thing", one of the corniest songs of all-time. It's also from one of the worst movies of all-time "Armageddon". I thought he did a good job. I don't know how well he'd do with upbeat songs, but he certainly sings ballads pretty well. Simon said there's "0 percent chance that he'll go home". He's probably has a few million tweens voting for him. Grade: B-, Buy? no.
5) Crystal Bowersox sang Janis Joplin's "Me and Bobby McGee". This song has one of my favorite lyrics of all-time: "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose". Another great but not spectacular performance. I keep on expecting a bit more from her, although she clearly is the best now. The judges loved her. Randy said "that's what you call being a star". Grade B, buy? no.
6) Michael Lynche sang Percy Sledge's "When A Man Loves A Woman". I thought he didn't sing this song with enough passion. That's definitely a song that you should sing with all your heart. I agree with Kara on two of her comments. Those being, that's it "technically very good" and "boring and indulgent". Ellen was very funny when she said it was a "safe choice" like "driving the speed limit". Grade: B-, buy? No.
7) Andrew Garcia sang Marvin Gaye's "I Heard It Through The Grapevine". (Yeah, I know what most of you are thinking, "hey that's the song from the Fruit of the Loom commercials.) First of all dude you seriously need to get new glasses. Your glasses are very ugly. Miley had him lose his guitar, but I don't know how much that helped. Simon said maybe he was overrated when he sang "Straight Up". He also said Garcia "sucked the soul out of that song". Grade: B, buy? no.
8) Katie Stevens sang Fergie's excellent "Big Girls Don't Cry". That's a truly great song. Randy was glad she listened to the judges and acted younger. Simon doubt led her believe ability. Grade B-, buy? no.
9) Casey James sang a less than exciting cover of Huey Lewis and the News "The Power of Love". That truly is one of the greatest songs of all-time. Ellen called it "the best vocal of the night". Simon said he sang the song with "no originality" and "no effort" and he's absolutely right. Why did he have the guitar if he's barely going to play it? Grade C+, buy? no.
10) Didi Benami sang Linda Ronstadt's "You're No Good". I like her voice, she looks great and her make up was perfect. I'm usually not a big fan of make up, but it enhanced her to her full beauty. She truly is very attractive. This was my favorite performance of the night, I liked the passion she sang it with. It's like she had someone in mind and was singing to them as she was singing the song. Grade: A, buy? maybe.
11) Sioban Magnus sang Stevie Wonder's "Superstition". She had ugly hair, it looked sort of Adam Lambertish and I don't mean that as a compliment. She should have kept the same hair she had last week. Stevie Wonder is the man, but Magnus version of that song was a little less than inspiring. Miley told her to bring "swagger", but I don't think she brought enough. Grade: B-, buy? no.
themusicaddict
"American Idol" Top 11 with Miley Cyrus as "mentor". I thought she was okay, but I'm not convinced she was an appropriate choice for mentor. Why was Miley wearing such an ugly outfit to the mentoring sessions. I'm not sure that Miley can sing, but I love her speaking voice. A good mentor would be Sarah Brightman, Barbara Streisand, someone who has lived a little.
I hate how the announcer announces the judges as they walk to their seats. At least they aren't holding hands like they did last year. What's up with Simon and Kara and their constant flirting, she gave him the flirty push last night. I wonder what her husband thinks about that.
1) Lee Dewwyze sang the Boxtops "The Letter". I liked his version of this song and thought it was one of his better performances of the season. He's actually trying to exhibit a little personality. I love the addition of the horns. All the judges but Simon liked his performance. I loved Ellen's favorite pen analogy. Kara is absolutely right that he has made a tremendous amount of progress. Grade B+, buy? maybe.
2) Paige Miles sang Phil Collins "Against All Odds". I like his version much better than the Westlife/ Mariah Carey version. (That reminds me of another great song from a movie that came out in the 80's. Yes, the movie was called "White Knights". The song is Phil Collins and Marilyn Martin's "Separate Lives".) First of all I thought Paige looked fantastic. Overall she had a very good performance. The judges on the other hand were brutal. Simon said she's in "serious, serious trouble". I think Andrew might be the one who is in the most trouble. What do I know though? Grade B+, buy? possibly.
3) Tim Urban sang Queen's "Crazy Little Thing Called Love". A great song but he didn't do it any favors. It just wasn't good. I have no idea why he's still in this competition. He's got the tween vote it seems, he's probably not in any danger for at least a couple of weeks. Although I do agree with Simon when he said, he has "O% chance of winning right now." In fact the only way I think he will win is if the other 10 die or drop out. Grade: C+, buy? are you kidding?
4) Aaron Kelly sang Aerosmith's "I Don't Want to Miss A Thing", one of the corniest songs of all-time. It's also from one of the worst movies of all-time "Armageddon". I thought he did a good job. I don't know how well he'd do with upbeat songs, but he certainly sings ballads pretty well. Simon said there's "0 percent chance that he'll go home". He's probably has a few million tweens voting for him. Grade: B-, Buy? no.
5) Crystal Bowersox sang Janis Joplin's "Me and Bobby McGee". This song has one of my favorite lyrics of all-time: "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose". Another great but not spectacular performance. I keep on expecting a bit more from her, although she clearly is the best now. The judges loved her. Randy said "that's what you call being a star". Grade B, buy? no.
6) Michael Lynche sang Percy Sledge's "When A Man Loves A Woman". I thought he didn't sing this song with enough passion. That's definitely a song that you should sing with all your heart. I agree with Kara on two of her comments. Those being, that's it "technically very good" and "boring and indulgent". Ellen was very funny when she said it was a "safe choice" like "driving the speed limit". Grade: B-, buy? No.
7) Andrew Garcia sang Marvin Gaye's "I Heard It Through The Grapevine". (Yeah, I know what most of you are thinking, "hey that's the song from the Fruit of the Loom commercials.) First of all dude you seriously need to get new glasses. Your glasses are very ugly. Miley had him lose his guitar, but I don't know how much that helped. Simon said maybe he was overrated when he sang "Straight Up". He also said Garcia "sucked the soul out of that song". Grade: B, buy? no.
8) Katie Stevens sang Fergie's excellent "Big Girls Don't Cry". That's a truly great song. Randy was glad she listened to the judges and acted younger. Simon doubt led her believe ability. Grade B-, buy? no.
9) Casey James sang a less than exciting cover of Huey Lewis and the News "The Power of Love". That truly is one of the greatest songs of all-time. Ellen called it "the best vocal of the night". Simon said he sang the song with "no originality" and "no effort" and he's absolutely right. Why did he have the guitar if he's barely going to play it? Grade C+, buy? no.
10) Didi Benami sang Linda Ronstadt's "You're No Good". I like her voice, she looks great and her make up was perfect. I'm usually not a big fan of make up, but it enhanced her to her full beauty. She truly is very attractive. This was my favorite performance of the night, I liked the passion she sang it with. It's like she had someone in mind and was singing to them as she was singing the song. Grade: A, buy? maybe.
11) Sioban Magnus sang Stevie Wonder's "Superstition". She had ugly hair, it looked sort of Adam Lambertish and I don't mean that as a compliment. She should have kept the same hair she had last week. Stevie Wonder is the man, but Magnus version of that song was a little less than inspiring. Miley told her to bring "swagger", but I don't think she brought enough. Grade: B-, buy? no.
themusicaddict
My wonderful family.
Hello,
I have the most amazing family. I was able to spend a few hours with my family last night. First of all my still wife is still amazingly gorgeous. She has become better looking as the years have gone by. She's so talented in so many things. As I was leaving I realized again how much I love that woman and I'd do anything for her. She has such a strong spirit and very subtle sense-of-humor.
I was able to spend some time with all my kids. Hanging out a bit with my oldest boy and daughter. Playing monkey in the middle with my daughter and youngest son. Talking to our middle boy about what he wants for his upcoming birthday. Also reading books to my youngest boy. I played Life the other day with my daughter played by her made up and constantly changing rules. That was quite an experience. I would have spent more time with my older boy but he's 13, he'd rather hang out with his friends. He's too cool for me. I love being with all of them.
I didn't focus on my family as much as I should have before our separation, when I'm able to be at my family's house I'm all about hanging out with and having fun with my kids. My little boy asked if I could come back tomorrow. I said he would have to ask his Mom. My daughter also asked if I could come over more days. That made me feel good. I will always be there for my kids.
themusicaddict
I have the most amazing family. I was able to spend a few hours with my family last night. First of all my still wife is still amazingly gorgeous. She has become better looking as the years have gone by. She's so talented in so many things. As I was leaving I realized again how much I love that woman and I'd do anything for her. She has such a strong spirit and very subtle sense-of-humor.
I was able to spend some time with all my kids. Hanging out a bit with my oldest boy and daughter. Playing monkey in the middle with my daughter and youngest son. Talking to our middle boy about what he wants for his upcoming birthday. Also reading books to my youngest boy. I played Life the other day with my daughter played by her made up and constantly changing rules. That was quite an experience. I would have spent more time with my older boy but he's 13, he'd rather hang out with his friends. He's too cool for me. I love being with all of them.
I didn't focus on my family as much as I should have before our separation, when I'm able to be at my family's house I'm all about hanging out with and having fun with my kids. My little boy asked if I could come back tomorrow. I said he would have to ask his Mom. My daughter also asked if I could come over more days. That made me feel good. I will always be there for my kids.
themusicaddict
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
"AI" tonight, Miley Cyrus mentor?
Hello,
"American Idol" returns tonight with the final 11 contestants singing Billboard #1 hits. The mentor is Miley Cyrus, really? Why are they having the 17 year old Hannah Montana be the mentor? Seriously. Who's going to be the next mentor, Justin Beiber?
I'd pay to watch Crystal Bowersox take her advice, the so-called actress that can't really sing, a product of Disney hype or Crystal Bowersox. Hmmm.
themusicaddict
"American Idol" returns tonight with the final 11 contestants singing Billboard #1 hits. The mentor is Miley Cyrus, really? Why are they having the 17 year old Hannah Montana be the mentor? Seriously. Who's going to be the next mentor, Justin Beiber?
I'd pay to watch Crystal Bowersox take her advice, the so-called actress that can't really sing, a product of Disney hype or Crystal Bowersox. Hmmm.
themusicaddict
Last Divorce Blog
Hello,
Out of respect for my soon-to-be-ex-wife I'll be cutting back on my divorce blogs. Every once-in-a-while I will put something in about our impending divorce. I apologize to anyone I may have offended. These are not negative blog posts against my wife. She's an awesome woman, my feeling is more of sadness about the loss of a marriage. My wife is the handiest person I know, very smart with computers and has many other amazing capabilities. She, of course, is also the mother of my children, I'll never denigrate her because of that. I wish her the best in all her future endeavors.
My blogs will be mostly returning to music, sports and movies blog with personal stuff thrown in every now and then. I'm hoping to be completely whole in about a year, this is a process I'm not going to rush through. I only hope I can find a way to get more sleep, I cannot fall asleep at night. If I do finally fall asleep I can't stay asleep for two long. I've also been eating a lot less and just not feeling like eating. That's very wierd for this fat boy. I've lost almost 15 pounds since the beginning of December. That's from increased exercising and trying to eat better, but I'm not a weight loss expert. I do need to lose about 80 more pounds. I'm doing that for myself, I've been slacking way too long.
themusicaddict
Out of respect for my soon-to-be-ex-wife I'll be cutting back on my divorce blogs. Every once-in-a-while I will put something in about our impending divorce. I apologize to anyone I may have offended. These are not negative blog posts against my wife. She's an awesome woman, my feeling is more of sadness about the loss of a marriage. My wife is the handiest person I know, very smart with computers and has many other amazing capabilities. She, of course, is also the mother of my children, I'll never denigrate her because of that. I wish her the best in all her future endeavors.
My blogs will be mostly returning to music, sports and movies blog with personal stuff thrown in every now and then. I'm hoping to be completely whole in about a year, this is a process I'm not going to rush through. I only hope I can find a way to get more sleep, I cannot fall asleep at night. If I do finally fall asleep I can't stay asleep for two long. I've also been eating a lot less and just not feeling like eating. That's very wierd for this fat boy. I've lost almost 15 pounds since the beginning of December. That's from increased exercising and trying to eat better, but I'm not a weight loss expert. I do need to lose about 80 more pounds. I'm doing that for myself, I've been slacking way too long.
themusicaddict
Monday, March 22, 2010
Nice words from friends, Wife playlist.
Hello,
I've been hearing some feedback that I'm saying bad things about my ex-wife. Please in anyway do not take anything I write as negative to her. She's a really good person, I wouldn't be in love with her if she wasn't. The marriage didn't work for her. We are both moving on, I'm hopefully within in a year will be back to whole. I'm in no hurry to meet someone else, I think I will chill for awhile. If the Lord brings someone into my life, I'm not going to turn it down. But at least for awhile I'm not going to seek her out either. Right now I live with my parents, have no job etc. I don't think too many hotties would be impressed with that. I'm going to have to meet a hottie who already has a house. With alimony, child support, helping to pay the mortgage and trying to keep our kids fed and clothed I'll be lucky to have any money left over for myself. But hey at least I should have my temple recommend tomorrow. The metaphorical sun is beginning to come out.
First of all I received an e-mail via facebook.com from someone I use to work with a long time ago. He had a lot of nice things to say, here's an excerpt I feel is particularly helpful.
"I know it sounds kind of cheesy but, things do and will get better. Just stay close to the Lord and the Spirit will guide you. The gospel is about second chances. And the Savior died for us so that we could right our wrongs and have a new go at it. So even though it may all seem lost now, it is far from over." (I have made a few minor changes from the original.)
Thanks Chris that helped a lot.
Here's another one this is from a girl I shared a lot of laughs with when we worked together. She's truly one of the coolest people I have ever met. For their wedding line, they had a cardboard cutout of Jean-Luc Picard.
"Craig, I've been where you are now and the sun WILL shine again. It's painful and Satan is lurking to attack during your vulnerability. The most important thing is to stay faithful and close to Heavenly Father. He will guide you. He hears your prayers and knows your heart. I am truly so sorry. " (I've made a few minor changes from the original.)
Thanks Heather, it's amazing how many people have gotten divorced. What is the deal with that?
You've got my side of the store, go to my wife's blog to read her side. I try to be as impartial as possible which is very hard in the end of a long relationship.
http://thediaryofacrazywoman.com/?p=955#comment-891
One of the cool things about iTunes is that you can create playlists for certain situations or people. For instance, I have a playlist for my daughter and oldest son, and until recently I had one for my wife. I have playlists for when I'm happy, angry or just want to dance. I was thinking about it and have decided to create a playlist on my blog. These are songs that feel right about the whole length of our relationship, not just now.
Here's a few of the songs:
"You Decorated My Life"- Kenny Rogers
"The Breakup Song (They Don't Write 'Em)"- The Greg Kihn Band
"If This Is It"- Huey Lewis and the News
"Nothing Compares To You"- Sinead O'Connor. Truly another great, great song, Sinead is awesome.
"I Need Your Love In My Life"- Solomon Burke
"Romeo and Juliet"- Dire Straits Another amazing song, one of Dire Straits best.
"The Search Is Over"- Survivor The search was over until I blew it.
"All Out of Love"- Air Supply
"Good Times, Bad Times"- Led Zeppelin That's a perfect title for our marriage and probably a lot of other marriages.
"Waitin' On A Woman"- Brad Paisley
"There Is A Light That Never Goes Out"- The Smiths
"How Soon Is Now?" The Smiths
"Traffic"- Marie Digby
"In Your Eyes"- Peter Gabriel
"With or Without You", "One" and "All I Want Is You"- U2
"Baby Hold On"- The Dixie Chicks
"You Were Always On My Mind"- Willie Nelson
"I Showed Her"- Alabama
"When Doves Cry"- Prince
"Harden My Heart"- Quarterflash
"Had It All"- Katherine McPhee
"She's Every Woman"- Garth Brooks
"Bad Romance"- Lady Gaga
And please dearest wife stay away from men that would give you lines like in the following song for alterior motives.
"Come On Eileen"- Dexy's Midnight Runners
themusicaddict
I've been hearing some feedback that I'm saying bad things about my ex-wife. Please in anyway do not take anything I write as negative to her. She's a really good person, I wouldn't be in love with her if she wasn't. The marriage didn't work for her. We are both moving on, I'm hopefully within in a year will be back to whole. I'm in no hurry to meet someone else, I think I will chill for awhile. If the Lord brings someone into my life, I'm not going to turn it down. But at least for awhile I'm not going to seek her out either. Right now I live with my parents, have no job etc. I don't think too many hotties would be impressed with that. I'm going to have to meet a hottie who already has a house. With alimony, child support, helping to pay the mortgage and trying to keep our kids fed and clothed I'll be lucky to have any money left over for myself. But hey at least I should have my temple recommend tomorrow. The metaphorical sun is beginning to come out.
First of all I received an e-mail via facebook.com from someone I use to work with a long time ago. He had a lot of nice things to say, here's an excerpt I feel is particularly helpful.
"I know it sounds kind of cheesy but, things do and will get better. Just stay close to the Lord and the Spirit will guide you. The gospel is about second chances. And the Savior died for us so that we could right our wrongs and have a new go at it. So even though it may all seem lost now, it is far from over." (I have made a few minor changes from the original.)
Thanks Chris that helped a lot.
Here's another one this is from a girl I shared a lot of laughs with when we worked together. She's truly one of the coolest people I have ever met. For their wedding line, they had a cardboard cutout of Jean-Luc Picard.
"Craig, I've been where you are now and the sun WILL shine again. It's painful and Satan is lurking to attack during your vulnerability. The most important thing is to stay faithful and close to Heavenly Father. He will guide you. He hears your prayers and knows your heart. I am truly so sorry. " (I've made a few minor changes from the original.)
Thanks Heather, it's amazing how many people have gotten divorced. What is the deal with that?
You've got my side of the store, go to my wife's blog to read her side. I try to be as impartial as possible which is very hard in the end of a long relationship.
http://thediaryofacrazywoman.com/?p=955#comment-891
One of the cool things about iTunes is that you can create playlists for certain situations or people. For instance, I have a playlist for my daughter and oldest son, and until recently I had one for my wife. I have playlists for when I'm happy, angry or just want to dance. I was thinking about it and have decided to create a playlist on my blog. These are songs that feel right about the whole length of our relationship, not just now.
Here's a few of the songs:
"You Decorated My Life"- Kenny Rogers
"The Breakup Song (They Don't Write 'Em)"- The Greg Kihn Band
"If This Is It"- Huey Lewis and the News
"Nothing Compares To You"- Sinead O'Connor. Truly another great, great song, Sinead is awesome.
"I Need Your Love In My Life"- Solomon Burke
"Romeo and Juliet"- Dire Straits Another amazing song, one of Dire Straits best.
"The Search Is Over"- Survivor The search was over until I blew it.
"All Out of Love"- Air Supply
"Good Times, Bad Times"- Led Zeppelin That's a perfect title for our marriage and probably a lot of other marriages.
"Waitin' On A Woman"- Brad Paisley
"There Is A Light That Never Goes Out"- The Smiths
"How Soon Is Now?" The Smiths
"Traffic"- Marie Digby
"In Your Eyes"- Peter Gabriel
"With or Without You", "One" and "All I Want Is You"- U2
"Baby Hold On"- The Dixie Chicks
"You Were Always On My Mind"- Willie Nelson
"I Showed Her"- Alabama
"When Doves Cry"- Prince
"Harden My Heart"- Quarterflash
"Had It All"- Katherine McPhee
"She's Every Woman"- Garth Brooks
"Bad Romance"- Lady Gaga
And please dearest wife stay away from men that would give you lines like in the following song for alterior motives.
"Come On Eileen"- Dexy's Midnight Runners
themusicaddict
Sunday, March 21, 2010
I Do Need To Get On With My Life, "AI" Top 12
Hello,
Obviously last week was Rolling Stones week, I'm just listing the song title.
12) Tim Urban (last week: 14) did a reggae version of "Under My Thumb" that didn't work at all. I just don't get how he's still in the competition. Yes I know all those tweens that are voting with their eyes not their ears.
11) Lacey Brown (last week: 12) sang "Ruby Tuesday", it was a bit of a wierd arranagement especially when she sang the line "still I'm going to miss you" way too fast. Yes I do know that she has been booted off the show. Neither her or Urban are going to ever be musical superstars but Brown is better than Urban.
10) Katie Stevens (last week: 11) continues to flounder as she didn't do much with Wild Horses". The judges keep on saying she should stay young. Granted the Rolling Stones are an older band, but Alicia Keys does have a version of "Wild Horses" she sings with Maroon 5's Adam Levine. Their version is pretty amazing and sounds fairly current. You can't do wrong with Alicia Keys.
9) Michael Lynche (last week: 5) sang an R&B cover of "Miss You" that sounded nothing like the original.
8) Andrew Garcia (last week: 6) sang "Gimme Shelter". Kara gave Andrew crap for not making an emotional connection with that song. I listened to the original today, Mick Jagger sings it pretty subdued as well. I'm not sure what she's talking about.
7) Lee Dewyze (last week: 2) sang a forgettable version of "Beast of Burden". Also dude you've got to start showing some personality.
6) Aaron Kelly (last week: 9) sang a surprisingly good version of "Angie". He's best at singing country songs, but he turned this song around to work in his favor.
5) Paige Miles (last week: 13) sang a very solid version of "Honky Tonk Woman". I think it's universally agreed that's her best performance all season. I still would prefer to have Katelyn Epperly in the competition.
4) Didi Benami (last week: 10) sang "Play With Fire" with a little bit of menace and a lot of sex appeal. She's sort of flying under the radar, if she plays it right she can still win this whole competition. Other than if Lee Dewyze or Casey James makes a big move, it could be a Top 3 of women. Of course I already predicted Casey James will win this whole competition.
3) Sioban Magnus (last week: 2) sang "Paint It Black". She did a good job, but not outstanding. It seems she's determined to hold one of those big notes.
2) Casey James (last week: 3) sang a rockin' version of "It's All Over Now". I think week in and week out he and Crystal are the most consistent. I love that he kicks butt on the guitar as well.
1) Crystal Bowersox (last week: 1) sang "You Can't Always Get What You Want". I liked her interpretation of it, I like her version better than the Rolling Stones version.
themusicaddict
Obviously last week was Rolling Stones week, I'm just listing the song title.
12) Tim Urban (last week: 14) did a reggae version of "Under My Thumb" that didn't work at all. I just don't get how he's still in the competition. Yes I know all those tweens that are voting with their eyes not their ears.
11) Lacey Brown (last week: 12) sang "Ruby Tuesday", it was a bit of a wierd arranagement especially when she sang the line "still I'm going to miss you" way too fast. Yes I do know that she has been booted off the show. Neither her or Urban are going to ever be musical superstars but Brown is better than Urban.
10) Katie Stevens (last week: 11) continues to flounder as she didn't do much with Wild Horses". The judges keep on saying she should stay young. Granted the Rolling Stones are an older band, but Alicia Keys does have a version of "Wild Horses" she sings with Maroon 5's Adam Levine. Their version is pretty amazing and sounds fairly current. You can't do wrong with Alicia Keys.
9) Michael Lynche (last week: 5) sang an R&B cover of "Miss You" that sounded nothing like the original.
8) Andrew Garcia (last week: 6) sang "Gimme Shelter". Kara gave Andrew crap for not making an emotional connection with that song. I listened to the original today, Mick Jagger sings it pretty subdued as well. I'm not sure what she's talking about.
7) Lee Dewyze (last week: 2) sang a forgettable version of "Beast of Burden". Also dude you've got to start showing some personality.
6) Aaron Kelly (last week: 9) sang a surprisingly good version of "Angie". He's best at singing country songs, but he turned this song around to work in his favor.
5) Paige Miles (last week: 13) sang a very solid version of "Honky Tonk Woman". I think it's universally agreed that's her best performance all season. I still would prefer to have Katelyn Epperly in the competition.
4) Didi Benami (last week: 10) sang "Play With Fire" with a little bit of menace and a lot of sex appeal. She's sort of flying under the radar, if she plays it right she can still win this whole competition. Other than if Lee Dewyze or Casey James makes a big move, it could be a Top 3 of women. Of course I already predicted Casey James will win this whole competition.
3) Sioban Magnus (last week: 2) sang "Paint It Black". She did a good job, but not outstanding. It seems she's determined to hold one of those big notes.
2) Casey James (last week: 3) sang a rockin' version of "It's All Over Now". I think week in and week out he and Crystal are the most consistent. I love that he kicks butt on the guitar as well.
1) Crystal Bowersox (last week: 1) sang "You Can't Always Get What You Want". I liked her interpretation of it, I like her version better than the Rolling Stones version.
themusicaddict
I Still Love You
Hello,
Updated: I've been hearing some feedback that I'm saying bad things about my ex-wife. Please in anyway do not take anything I write as negative to her. She's a really good person, I wouldn't be in love with her if she wasn't. The marriage didn't work for her. We are both moving on, I'm hopefully within in a year will be back to whole. I'm in no hurry to meet someone else, I think I will chill for awhile. If the Lord brings someone into my life, I'm not going to turn it down. But at least for awhile I'm not going to seek her out either.
I continue to be rolling in pain about the loss of my wife, by losing her I've lost so many things. I'm in so much pain and still the tears won't come. S I still love you so much and I'll be here for you no matters what happens. I know you have moved on and I know I need to move on. Maybe once our divorce is final I can put up a profile and look for someone to try and take your place. I don't know if there's such a person.
My oldest boy is visiting me this weekend and I told him I'm going to be a dud, I'm still in such a world of hurt. I told him I still love his Mom so much and this is a very difficult process for me. I'm looking forward to going to church. The last two weeks I went the Spirit really came and helped me. It cauterized my open wounds.
This isn't an attempt to win my wife back, although I'd like that very much. This is an attempt to get some sort of catharsis as the grief just keeps on building up. When we went to Sacrament today, a return missionary was speaking. He reminded us that the Lord is not going to give us more than we can handle. With no job and a divorce from a woman I still love a lot I think I'm pretty close to the edge.
Everything reminds me of her. My parents have gone out of town and my boy asked where they went. I told him "Las Vegas", he asked if I had ever been there. I said yes but didn't elaborate. That's where my wife and I went on our honeymoon to. It's also where my brother got married about a year later.
I also remember driving her to the hospital when our daughter was born, it was a snowy morning. I still two songs that played on the radio that morning, Nelly Furtado's "I'm Like A Bird" and Vertical Horizon's "Best I've Ever Had". I also remember how valiantly she gave birth in a bathtub, not intentionally. That was absolutely amazing how she did that. That was one of the most courageous things I've ever seen. S, you rock.
Yes S I know you are gone, never to return. I just don't want you to ever forget how much I love you. I'm sorry for not treating you as a daughter of our Heavenly Father like I should have done. This song is exactly how I feel:
If any of you have any advice how to deal with divorce, please let me know. I'm in so much pain.
This is the worst song in the world to hear when going through a break up, especially when you still love who you are breaking up with like crazy. This song describes how I feel exactly other than the drinking parts.
themusicaddict
Updated: I've been hearing some feedback that I'm saying bad things about my ex-wife. Please in anyway do not take anything I write as negative to her. She's a really good person, I wouldn't be in love with her if she wasn't. The marriage didn't work for her. We are both moving on, I'm hopefully within in a year will be back to whole. I'm in no hurry to meet someone else, I think I will chill for awhile. If the Lord brings someone into my life, I'm not going to turn it down. But at least for awhile I'm not going to seek her out either.
I continue to be rolling in pain about the loss of my wife, by losing her I've lost so many things. I'm in so much pain and still the tears won't come. S I still love you so much and I'll be here for you no matters what happens. I know you have moved on and I know I need to move on. Maybe once our divorce is final I can put up a profile and look for someone to try and take your place. I don't know if there's such a person.
My oldest boy is visiting me this weekend and I told him I'm going to be a dud, I'm still in such a world of hurt. I told him I still love his Mom so much and this is a very difficult process for me. I'm looking forward to going to church. The last two weeks I went the Spirit really came and helped me. It cauterized my open wounds.
This isn't an attempt to win my wife back, although I'd like that very much. This is an attempt to get some sort of catharsis as the grief just keeps on building up. When we went to Sacrament today, a return missionary was speaking. He reminded us that the Lord is not going to give us more than we can handle. With no job and a divorce from a woman I still love a lot I think I'm pretty close to the edge.
Everything reminds me of her. My parents have gone out of town and my boy asked where they went. I told him "Las Vegas", he asked if I had ever been there. I said yes but didn't elaborate. That's where my wife and I went on our honeymoon to. It's also where my brother got married about a year later.
I also remember driving her to the hospital when our daughter was born, it was a snowy morning. I still two songs that played on the radio that morning, Nelly Furtado's "I'm Like A Bird" and Vertical Horizon's "Best I've Ever Had". I also remember how valiantly she gave birth in a bathtub, not intentionally. That was absolutely amazing how she did that. That was one of the most courageous things I've ever seen. S, you rock.
Yes S I know you are gone, never to return. I just don't want you to ever forget how much I love you. I'm sorry for not treating you as a daughter of our Heavenly Father like I should have done. This song is exactly how I feel:
If any of you have any advice how to deal with divorce, please let me know. I'm in so much pain.
This is the worst song in the world to hear when going through a break up, especially when you still love who you are breaking up with like crazy. This song describes how I feel exactly other than the drinking parts.
themusicaddict
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Hello,
I've been hearing some feedback that I'm saying bad things about my ex-wife. Please in anyway do not take anything I write as negative to her. She's a really good person, I wouldn't be in love with her if she wasn't. The marriage didn't work for her. We are both moving on, I'm hopefully within in a year will be back to whole. I'm in no hurry to meet someone else, I think I will chill for awhile. If the Lord brings someone into my life, I'm not going to turn it down. But at least for awhile I'm not going to seek her out either.
I was able to spend a couple of hours with my wife today as I was hanging out at her house spending time with our kids. She was sort of cold to me. I understand she has a lot of anger towards for me for not stepping up over the years. She says she feels uncomfortable around me. I think that discomfort is coming from her. I'm working really hard to make things as good as possible.
About 2:45 I told her I'm leaving because I feel like she doesn't want me there, she wasn't even pretending like she wanted me around. She probably didn't but I'm trying to make things as right as possible. She says there has been a lot of damage done and I'm trying to make up for that.
I'm hanging out with my oldest boy this weekend. I took him to see "Diary Of A Wimpy Kid". The only thing I could think of during the movie was about my wife and I can't believe we are getting divorced. That and how much I'm gong to miss her. Heck I already miss her, she's going to be mostly gone from my life. If it wasn't for our kids I'd rarely see her. Not only that but the lawyer leaches are coming out, I have already received two notices from lawyers willing to represent me on the divorce. (I'm just shaking my head I can't believe we are getting divorced still.) No scumbags I don't have money to pay for a lawyer. I don't have a job and I'm splitting the debt with my wife. That will be a lot.
I'm trying to watch the BYU-Kansas State and I can barely concentrate. BYU put up a pretty good fight but ultimately lost.
This may sound wimpy, but I need a real good cry or at least some kind of release.
themusicaddict
I've been hearing some feedback that I'm saying bad things about my ex-wife. Please in anyway do not take anything I write as negative to her. She's a really good person, I wouldn't be in love with her if she wasn't. The marriage didn't work for her. We are both moving on, I'm hopefully within in a year will be back to whole. I'm in no hurry to meet someone else, I think I will chill for awhile. If the Lord brings someone into my life, I'm not going to turn it down. But at least for awhile I'm not going to seek her out either.
I was able to spend a couple of hours with my wife today as I was hanging out at her house spending time with our kids. She was sort of cold to me. I understand she has a lot of anger towards for me for not stepping up over the years. She says she feels uncomfortable around me. I think that discomfort is coming from her. I'm working really hard to make things as good as possible.
About 2:45 I told her I'm leaving because I feel like she doesn't want me there, she wasn't even pretending like she wanted me around. She probably didn't but I'm trying to make things as right as possible. She says there has been a lot of damage done and I'm trying to make up for that.
I'm hanging out with my oldest boy this weekend. I took him to see "Diary Of A Wimpy Kid". The only thing I could think of during the movie was about my wife and I can't believe we are getting divorced. That and how much I'm gong to miss her. Heck I already miss her, she's going to be mostly gone from my life. If it wasn't for our kids I'd rarely see her. Not only that but the lawyer leaches are coming out, I have already received two notices from lawyers willing to represent me on the divorce. (I'm just shaking my head I can't believe we are getting divorced still.) No scumbags I don't have money to pay for a lawyer. I don't have a job and I'm splitting the debt with my wife. That will be a lot.
I'm trying to watch the BYU-Kansas State and I can barely concentrate. BYU put up a pretty good fight but ultimately lost.
This may sound wimpy, but I need a real good cry or at least some kind of release.
themusicaddict
The pain of divorce, Part 2 (of probably about 1,000,000 parts
Hello,
The fact that we are actually getting a divorce is sinking in. My soon-to-be-ex is moving on with her life with seemingly little problem. She says she's been going through this for several months, whereas I've only been going through it a couple of weeks. I however am having some serious issues dealing with this. Part of my issue is not only do I miss my wife but I also miss my kids. I'm grateful that my wife is letting me see the kids two or three days a week. Thanks!
We'll probably be legally divorced in about 6 weeks. The thought of dating again and my wife dating again both are killing me. I'll be jealous of whoever she's dating and as for me I have no desire to reenter the dating jungle. That's what it is too. I have seen some people that are single and looking for a partner or spouse. None of them much appeal to me. (I know what are you thinking, that you musicaddict don't appeal to them either. Believe me that is okay.) I already have 4 kids I really don't want any step kids. I don't want to deal with a new woman's ex. The thrill of the chase will be fun again if I can find someone that attracts my interest that much. I hope that person is out there.
But I'm not really thinking about that now. I still have some serious healing to do to get over the enormous amount of pain I'm in now. Thankfully my Mom is helping me pay for a counseler. My first session is Wednesday. That's going to be a big help, not only am I losing my wife but I'm losing my best friend. I'm not a real social person and don't do small talk well. I'm hoping in about a year I will be fully recovered. When I return to writing more about music than the divorce you'll know I'm truly on the path to full recovery.
Thanks again to the future ex for letting me come over to her house and staying overnight, she went and stayed at her Mom's house. I was able to hang out with my kids from about 4:15 yesterday to about 3:00 today. I get to hang out with my oldest boy until Monday afternoon. I was able to spend the weekend with my other three kids last week.
I may or may not add more to this blog today, I'll keep you up-to-date though. I will continue to have non-divorce blogs in the future.
Just a couple of quick music notes. I've been listening to Orianthi's "Believe" CD on napster.com. I would highly reccomend, especially if you liked her "According To You" she sang on "American Idol" last week. (I won't even mention Kesha's terrible performance. Her performance was worse than my divorce.)
I'm also listening to Jimi Hendrix's "new" CD "Valleys of Neptune". Admittedly I'm a big Hendrix fan and I love this CD. A lot of these songs, if not all of them, appeared on previous Hendrix CD's. It's still a good getting to know Jimi sampler.
themusicaddict
The fact that we are actually getting a divorce is sinking in. My soon-to-be-ex is moving on with her life with seemingly little problem. She says she's been going through this for several months, whereas I've only been going through it a couple of weeks. I however am having some serious issues dealing with this. Part of my issue is not only do I miss my wife but I also miss my kids. I'm grateful that my wife is letting me see the kids two or three days a week. Thanks!
We'll probably be legally divorced in about 6 weeks. The thought of dating again and my wife dating again both are killing me. I'll be jealous of whoever she's dating and as for me I have no desire to reenter the dating jungle. That's what it is too. I have seen some people that are single and looking for a partner or spouse. None of them much appeal to me. (I know what are you thinking, that you musicaddict don't appeal to them either. Believe me that is okay.) I already have 4 kids I really don't want any step kids. I don't want to deal with a new woman's ex. The thrill of the chase will be fun again if I can find someone that attracts my interest that much. I hope that person is out there.
But I'm not really thinking about that now. I still have some serious healing to do to get over the enormous amount of pain I'm in now. Thankfully my Mom is helping me pay for a counseler. My first session is Wednesday. That's going to be a big help, not only am I losing my wife but I'm losing my best friend. I'm not a real social person and don't do small talk well. I'm hoping in about a year I will be fully recovered. When I return to writing more about music than the divorce you'll know I'm truly on the path to full recovery.
Thanks again to the future ex for letting me come over to her house and staying overnight, she went and stayed at her Mom's house. I was able to hang out with my kids from about 4:15 yesterday to about 3:00 today. I get to hang out with my oldest boy until Monday afternoon. I was able to spend the weekend with my other three kids last week.
I may or may not add more to this blog today, I'll keep you up-to-date though. I will continue to have non-divorce blogs in the future.
Just a couple of quick music notes. I've been listening to Orianthi's "Believe" CD on napster.com. I would highly reccomend, especially if you liked her "According To You" she sang on "American Idol" last week. (I won't even mention Kesha's terrible performance. Her performance was worse than my divorce.)
I'm also listening to Jimi Hendrix's "new" CD "Valleys of Neptune". Admittedly I'm a big Hendrix fan and I love this CD. A lot of these songs, if not all of them, appeared on previous Hendrix CD's. It's still a good getting to know Jimi sampler.
themusicaddict
Friday, March 19, 2010
Divorce drags on, I still love my wife!
Hello,
I've been hearing some feedback that I'm saying bad things about my ex-wife. Please in anyway do not take anything I write as negative to her. She's a really good person, I wouldn't be in love with her if she wasn't. The marriage didn't work for her. We are both moving on, I'm hopefully within in a year will be back to whole. I'm in no hurry to meet someone else, I think I will chill for awhile. If the Lord brings someone into my life, I'm not going to turn it down. But at least for awhile I'm not going to seek her out either.
I'd just like to say for readers of this blog that I still love my wife very much. It's breaking my heart that we are getting divorced but she's not a bad person. If my kids ever read this blog, I just want to say to you I love you very much and I love your Mom very much still.
Men that are going to date my future ex-wife, please be very nice and take care of her as the princess she is. But more importantly please take care of my kids when I can't be there.
themusicaddict
I've been hearing some feedback that I'm saying bad things about my ex-wife. Please in anyway do not take anything I write as negative to her. She's a really good person, I wouldn't be in love with her if she wasn't. The marriage didn't work for her. We are both moving on, I'm hopefully within in a year will be back to whole. I'm in no hurry to meet someone else, I think I will chill for awhile. If the Lord brings someone into my life, I'm not going to turn it down. But at least for awhile I'm not going to seek her out either.
I'd just like to say for readers of this blog that I still love my wife very much. It's breaking my heart that we are getting divorced but she's not a bad person. If my kids ever read this blog, I just want to say to you I love you very much and I love your Mom very much still.
Men that are going to date my future ex-wife, please be very nice and take care of her as the princess she is. But more importantly please take care of my kids when I can't be there.
themusicaddict
Thursday, March 18, 2010
FlashForward/ BYU Just Barely Basketball
Hello,
The excellent show "FlashForward" returns tonight. The first 10 episodes were shown back in the fall. Catch up on all 10 past episodes on abc.com. Episode 11 will be shown tonight. Check it out, it really is a good show. Surprisingly tonight's show is a two hour show. Thank goodness for the DVR. If you haven't seen any of the shows so far and want a primer go to ew.com. Although if I watch it live, I could flip back and forth between that and the NCAA Tournament. Locally the game shown will be the MWC team San Diego State playing Tennessee.
I'm sorry if my blogs have been too sad lately, my mind has just been wrapped up in losing my marriage. It's hard to think of much else. I'm trying to move on as much as I can. How does one do that after 16 years of marriage though?
I was impressed with Orianthi's performance of "According To You" last night on "American Idol". That's a pretty rocking song. I like that she's a true rock chick, that includes she can play a pretty mean guitar. We need more woman rockers like her. Other great female rockers include Hayley Williams of Paramore, Lacey (no last name given) from Flyleaf and for the old school fans Joan Jett. Also Pink kicks some butt. I checked out Orianthi's CD and it's pretty good.
Right now I'm watching BYU play Florida in the NCAA Tournament. Go Cougs! This game went into double overtime, BYU you have got to win this game! BYU be glad you didn't lose in regulation or the first overtime. Florida had the ball last with a tie game in both regulation and the end of the first overtime. However Florida's play calls weren't the best. Not only that but BYU played fantastic defense.
The game went into second overtime and thank goodness for my mental health, Jimmer Fredette and Michael Loyd Jr. stepped up to give BYU the win. After 27 years BYU finally is advancing to the second round of the NCAA Tournament. They'll play a very tough Kansas State team in all likelihood in the NCAA's second round. If BYU can somehow find a way to win that game, they'll advance to the Sweet Sixteen. BYU you now must play much better to even have a chance to beat Kansas State. BYU then would probably play Syracuse in the Sweet Sixteen game. That game will be held in Salt Lake at the Energy Solutions Arena, the Jazz's usual home court.
In fact BYU is one of four teams from the Mountain West Conference that made the NCAA Tournament. The other three MWC teams also play later today. I'm hoping that the MWC can finish at least 2-2 today. It was fantastic that BYU could start the MWC off with a win today in the NCAAs.
News out today that Jesse James and Sandra Bullock may be ending their five year marriage. That's incredibly sad as it seems both are pretty cool people. Jesse and Sandra Bullock believe me I understand what exactly you're going through. At least you don't have kids, not being able to see them as much as one wants is just additional pain.
themusicaddict
The excellent show "FlashForward" returns tonight. The first 10 episodes were shown back in the fall. Catch up on all 10 past episodes on abc.com. Episode 11 will be shown tonight. Check it out, it really is a good show. Surprisingly tonight's show is a two hour show. Thank goodness for the DVR. If you haven't seen any of the shows so far and want a primer go to ew.com. Although if I watch it live, I could flip back and forth between that and the NCAA Tournament. Locally the game shown will be the MWC team San Diego State playing Tennessee.
I'm sorry if my blogs have been too sad lately, my mind has just been wrapped up in losing my marriage. It's hard to think of much else. I'm trying to move on as much as I can. How does one do that after 16 years of marriage though?
I was impressed with Orianthi's performance of "According To You" last night on "American Idol". That's a pretty rocking song. I like that she's a true rock chick, that includes she can play a pretty mean guitar. We need more woman rockers like her. Other great female rockers include Hayley Williams of Paramore, Lacey (no last name given) from Flyleaf and for the old school fans Joan Jett. Also Pink kicks some butt. I checked out Orianthi's CD and it's pretty good.
Right now I'm watching BYU play Florida in the NCAA Tournament. Go Cougs! This game went into double overtime, BYU you have got to win this game! BYU be glad you didn't lose in regulation or the first overtime. Florida had the ball last with a tie game in both regulation and the end of the first overtime. However Florida's play calls weren't the best. Not only that but BYU played fantastic defense.
The game went into second overtime and thank goodness for my mental health, Jimmer Fredette and Michael Loyd Jr. stepped up to give BYU the win. After 27 years BYU finally is advancing to the second round of the NCAA Tournament. They'll play a very tough Kansas State team in all likelihood in the NCAA's second round. If BYU can somehow find a way to win that game, they'll advance to the Sweet Sixteen. BYU you now must play much better to even have a chance to beat Kansas State. BYU then would probably play Syracuse in the Sweet Sixteen game. That game will be held in Salt Lake at the Energy Solutions Arena, the Jazz's usual home court.
In fact BYU is one of four teams from the Mountain West Conference that made the NCAA Tournament. The other three MWC teams also play later today. I'm hoping that the MWC can finish at least 2-2 today. It was fantastic that BYU could start the MWC off with a win today in the NCAAs.
News out today that Jesse James and Sandra Bullock may be ending their five year marriage. That's incredibly sad as it seems both are pretty cool people. Jesse and Sandra Bullock believe me I understand what exactly you're going through. At least you don't have kids, not being able to see them as much as one wants is just additional pain.
themusicaddict
I'm All Out of Love and other sad love songs.
Hello,
I've been hearing some feedback that I'm saying bad things about my ex-wife. Please in anyway do not take anything I write as negative to her. She's a really good person, I wouldn't be in love with her if she wasn't. The marriage didn't work for her. We are both moving on, I'm hopefully within in a year will be back to whole. I'm in no hurry to meet someone else, I think I will chill for awhile. If the Lord brings someone into my life, I'm not going to turn it down. But at least for awhile I'm not going to seek her out either.
Dearest wife,
I'm lying alone with my head on the phone
Thinking of you till it hurts
I know you hurt too but what else can we do
Tormented and torn apart
I wish I could carry your smile and my heart
For times when my life feels so low
It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring
When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know
Chorus:
I 'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I 'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong
I want you to come back and carry me home
Away from this long lonely nights
I'm reaching for you, are you feeling it too
Does the feeling seem oh so right
And what would you say if I called on you now
And said that I can't hold on
There's no easy way, it gets harder each day
Please love me or I'll be gone, I'll be gone
Chorus
Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?
Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?
That's how it feels when love goes bad, this is how it felt when I saw my beautiful wife for the first time:
When my wife told me she wanted a divorce and every day since then this is how I've felt since then:
I believe Stef that you and I can still make this work!
Stefanie you are my good stuff:
The last of the Kenny Chesney trilogy:
Just one more from Kenny Chesney:
Even though we are going through this devestating divorce, I have something to say:
themusicaddict
I've been hearing some feedback that I'm saying bad things about my ex-wife. Please in anyway do not take anything I write as negative to her. She's a really good person, I wouldn't be in love with her if she wasn't. The marriage didn't work for her. We are both moving on, I'm hopefully within in a year will be back to whole. I'm in no hurry to meet someone else, I think I will chill for awhile. If the Lord brings someone into my life, I'm not going to turn it down. But at least for awhile I'm not going to seek her out either.
Dearest wife,
I'm lying alone with my head on the phone
Thinking of you till it hurts
I know you hurt too but what else can we do
Tormented and torn apart
I wish I could carry your smile and my heart
For times when my life feels so low
It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring
When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know
Chorus:
I 'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I 'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong
I want you to come back and carry me home
Away from this long lonely nights
I'm reaching for you, are you feeling it too
Does the feeling seem oh so right
And what would you say if I called on you now
And said that I can't hold on
There's no easy way, it gets harder each day
Please love me or I'll be gone, I'll be gone
Chorus
Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?
Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?
That's how it feels when love goes bad, this is how it felt when I saw my beautiful wife for the first time:
When my wife told me she wanted a divorce and every day since then this is how I've felt since then:
I believe Stef that you and I can still make this work!
Stefanie you are my good stuff:
The last of the Kenny Chesney trilogy:
Just one more from Kenny Chesney:
Even though we are going through this devestating divorce, I have something to say:
themusicaddict
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
"AI" Top 12
Hello,
Last night's theme was music from one of the greatest bands of all-time, the Rolling Stones. They truly have some of the best songs ever written. I'm glad that no one sang "Satisfaction" last night. That song is such a classic that it's almost become a cliche now. Also it received it's "American Idol" treatment when Britney Spears speared it. She should be arrested for her dance mix of one of the greatest songs of all-time.
Kara why do you have so much make up on? That's not attractive.
1) Micheal Lynche sang "Miss You" with a R & B flavor. I just think it didn't worked at all. I'm all for Idols changing up a song, but do they have to destroy it in the process? His version pales into comparison to the Rolling Stones fantastic version.
More coming later.
themusicaddict
Last night's theme was music from one of the greatest bands of all-time, the Rolling Stones. They truly have some of the best songs ever written. I'm glad that no one sang "Satisfaction" last night. That song is such a classic that it's almost become a cliche now. Also it received it's "American Idol" treatment when Britney Spears speared it. She should be arrested for her dance mix of one of the greatest songs of all-time.
Kara why do you have so much make up on? That's not attractive.
1) Micheal Lynche sang "Miss You" with a R & B flavor. I just think it didn't worked at all. I'm all for Idols changing up a song, but do they have to destroy it in the process? His version pales into comparison to the Rolling Stones fantastic version.
More coming later.
themusicaddict
Last night/ this morning, 10 steps to being a better person
Hello,
I've been hearing some feedback that I'm saying bad things about my ex-wife. Please in anyway do not take anything I write as negative to her. She's a really good person, I wouldn't be in love with her if she wasn't. The marriage didn't work for her. We are both moving on, I'm hopefully within in a year will be back to whole. I'm in no hurry to meet someone else, I think I will chill for awhile. If the Lord brings someone into my life, I'm not going to turn it down. But at least for awhile I'm not going to seek her out either.
Last night I went to my family's home so I could hang out with my kids. My wife went over to her friend's house because she doesn't want to spend time with me while I'm at her house. She doesn't want to give me or the kids "false hope". I think to myself don't worry I have it figured out that she wants a divorce. She admits to having a wall up in order to keep things separate, she also doesn't change clothes in front of me. I'm sure she keeps that wall up, because she's afraid if I get through she might let me come back again and get hurt again. I assure her I have it figured out this time, read the end of this blog to find out what steps I'm already taking.
I got the kids in bed and then just hung out until she got home about 12:20. I asked her for a hug and she gave me one. It was so nice, I had missed that so much. I still love my wife with all my heart.
Since my beautiful wife didn't get home until late, I was invited to sleep over. She slept in her bed and I slept on the couch, that was okay. I'm trying to be so nice to her that she'll warm up a bit more to me. I asked her about the perceived coldness last night, she says she still has so much anger towards me. I came across our wedding pictures, it was nice to be reminded of one of the best days of my life. I hope my wife still has good memories of that day. She was so beautiful back then, just as she is now. I was wearing some butt ugly glasses back in 1994, that was before she helped me increase my attractiveness quotient. I was sad this binder full of so many happy memories was just left on the floor in our basement like it doesn't mean enough to take care of.
She had to go run errands this morning and I stayed at the house. When she got home I had left the binder of our wedding pictures open to a couple of our wedding pictures. She grabbed it and put it in a better place. She acted like she still has some attachment to those pictures, which made me happy. I was going to take it home with me. With the good care she took care of I left it there. Even if we get divorced I'd still want to keep it.
I miss my kids so much and was glad to see them tonight. My wife received a call this morning, she had to go pick up her little sister. She asked me to stay until she got back, I eagerly agreed. We got our three oldest kids off to school. I kept an eye on our youngest boy and her two nieces.
Stef here's the things I need to work on and the steps I'm already taking. I'll continue to take these steps whether we are married or not. Though if we are not married, it just won't have the same amount of meaning.
1) Spiritual development: I'm taking steps to get back to the temple. Thankfully the main thing holding me back was laziness. Any other issues I have are small. I'm just waiting on my wife to talk to her Bishop and then from there I'll know better what I need to do. I had let myself slack in church attendance, but I'm getting back to where I need to be. I'm reading the scriptures, I made a promise to myself I will read them every day. I've been doing exactly that for about the last 10 days. I'll also honor my Priesthood much more along with insisting on family prayer every night. I will set an exquisite example for my kids
2) My wife's family functions: I'll go to those without any problem and I'll participate. I won't pick fights to get out of going. I'll be as immersed in her family things as I was at her Father's funeral.
3) Getting a good job: I have a temp job lined up and am looking for a full-time job as well. That's what I'm doing in the short term. For the long term my Mom is helping me get some counseling. I'm going to get some kind of vocational counseling in order for the next permanent job I get I can hold on to it as long as I want. I will still probably be switching jobs, but this time I want to be going to better jobs as they become available.
4) Respect: I think I have done pretty well at this, but will continue to work hard to improve.
5) Attraction: I have let myself get fat. However over the last several months I've been exercising. I've only lost 10 pounds so far, but at least I'm going in the right direction. I'm starting to eat better, I ate a banana for a snack yesterday for heck's sake. They just aren't as good as Doritos. I continue to cut down on the amount of Diet Coke I drink. Right now it's almost 1:30 and I haven't had any Coke all day. I've been drinking water and milk so far.
6) Take initiative: I'll be better about seeing what needs to be done and doing it before being asked. I've been doing that when I'm at my family's house. I don't live there any more, but I still feel responsible to help with the kids. Not only homework, but also laundry and washing dishes.
7 & 8) Romance, date night and going to the temple. I've already made the proposal to my wife if she takes me back I'd like to have one date night a week. Then at least once a month we can go to the temple, once I'm able to get my temple recommend. With it being Spring, we can at least go to the temple grounds and walk around now. The temple is one of the most peaceful places in the world.
9) Self-involvement: I can be a little single minded. I have recognized that and am working on it. That's why when I was over at my family's house last night I told my wife she could stay at her friend's house as long as she wanted. I got our kids in bed and had the house calm when she get home. Not only am I going to be less self involved when I'm around her but also with all my family members.
10) Something that combines a lot of the preceding points. I'm sorry Stef I left you lonely in our marriage. I really understand what you are saying as I'm loving with my parents. It's a good place to live, but it's just not the same without you Stef and the kids. I'm usually okay until about 6:00, about then I'm looking forward to that family interaction. About 6:00 I just want to chill with my family. I'm sorry for being self-involved on this, I should have noticed you more when you wanted some companionship. Those lonely times would have been a good time for romance or that 5 extra minutes. I also should have taken more initiative to notice when you were lonely, but also to recognize when you just wanted to be alone.
Other than my Mom's excellent fajita dinner and "Idol", my highlight of the night was moving my car in off the street. Wife and our kids, I desperately need you!
Babe I went to your facebook page and studied up on you some. I'm embarrassed by how much I don't know about you. If you gave me one more chance I'd put all this knowledge to use in my desire to romance, court and hopefully sweep you off your feet.
As my wife and I go through this journey, I'll keep this blog updated. I'm hoping this turns out to be a saving our marriage blog and not a divorce blog.
themusicaddict
I've been hearing some feedback that I'm saying bad things about my ex-wife. Please in anyway do not take anything I write as negative to her. She's a really good person, I wouldn't be in love with her if she wasn't. The marriage didn't work for her. We are both moving on, I'm hopefully within in a year will be back to whole. I'm in no hurry to meet someone else, I think I will chill for awhile. If the Lord brings someone into my life, I'm not going to turn it down. But at least for awhile I'm not going to seek her out either.
Last night I went to my family's home so I could hang out with my kids. My wife went over to her friend's house because she doesn't want to spend time with me while I'm at her house. She doesn't want to give me or the kids "false hope". I think to myself don't worry I have it figured out that she wants a divorce. She admits to having a wall up in order to keep things separate, she also doesn't change clothes in front of me. I'm sure she keeps that wall up, because she's afraid if I get through she might let me come back again and get hurt again. I assure her I have it figured out this time, read the end of this blog to find out what steps I'm already taking.
I got the kids in bed and then just hung out until she got home about 12:20. I asked her for a hug and she gave me one. It was so nice, I had missed that so much. I still love my wife with all my heart.
Since my beautiful wife didn't get home until late, I was invited to sleep over. She slept in her bed and I slept on the couch, that was okay. I'm trying to be so nice to her that she'll warm up a bit more to me. I asked her about the perceived coldness last night, she says she still has so much anger towards me. I came across our wedding pictures, it was nice to be reminded of one of the best days of my life. I hope my wife still has good memories of that day. She was so beautiful back then, just as she is now. I was wearing some butt ugly glasses back in 1994, that was before she helped me increase my attractiveness quotient. I was sad this binder full of so many happy memories was just left on the floor in our basement like it doesn't mean enough to take care of.
She had to go run errands this morning and I stayed at the house. When she got home I had left the binder of our wedding pictures open to a couple of our wedding pictures. She grabbed it and put it in a better place. She acted like she still has some attachment to those pictures, which made me happy. I was going to take it home with me. With the good care she took care of I left it there. Even if we get divorced I'd still want to keep it.
I miss my kids so much and was glad to see them tonight. My wife received a call this morning, she had to go pick up her little sister. She asked me to stay until she got back, I eagerly agreed. We got our three oldest kids off to school. I kept an eye on our youngest boy and her two nieces.
Stef here's the things I need to work on and the steps I'm already taking. I'll continue to take these steps whether we are married or not. Though if we are not married, it just won't have the same amount of meaning.
1) Spiritual development: I'm taking steps to get back to the temple. Thankfully the main thing holding me back was laziness. Any other issues I have are small. I'm just waiting on my wife to talk to her Bishop and then from there I'll know better what I need to do. I had let myself slack in church attendance, but I'm getting back to where I need to be. I'm reading the scriptures, I made a promise to myself I will read them every day. I've been doing exactly that for about the last 10 days. I'll also honor my Priesthood much more along with insisting on family prayer every night. I will set an exquisite example for my kids
2) My wife's family functions: I'll go to those without any problem and I'll participate. I won't pick fights to get out of going. I'll be as immersed in her family things as I was at her Father's funeral.
3) Getting a good job: I have a temp job lined up and am looking for a full-time job as well. That's what I'm doing in the short term. For the long term my Mom is helping me get some counseling. I'm going to get some kind of vocational counseling in order for the next permanent job I get I can hold on to it as long as I want. I will still probably be switching jobs, but this time I want to be going to better jobs as they become available.
4) Respect: I think I have done pretty well at this, but will continue to work hard to improve.
5) Attraction: I have let myself get fat. However over the last several months I've been exercising. I've only lost 10 pounds so far, but at least I'm going in the right direction. I'm starting to eat better, I ate a banana for a snack yesterday for heck's sake. They just aren't as good as Doritos. I continue to cut down on the amount of Diet Coke I drink. Right now it's almost 1:30 and I haven't had any Coke all day. I've been drinking water and milk so far.
6) Take initiative: I'll be better about seeing what needs to be done and doing it before being asked. I've been doing that when I'm at my family's house. I don't live there any more, but I still feel responsible to help with the kids. Not only homework, but also laundry and washing dishes.
7 & 8) Romance, date night and going to the temple. I've already made the proposal to my wife if she takes me back I'd like to have one date night a week. Then at least once a month we can go to the temple, once I'm able to get my temple recommend. With it being Spring, we can at least go to the temple grounds and walk around now. The temple is one of the most peaceful places in the world.
9) Self-involvement: I can be a little single minded. I have recognized that and am working on it. That's why when I was over at my family's house last night I told my wife she could stay at her friend's house as long as she wanted. I got our kids in bed and had the house calm when she get home. Not only am I going to be less self involved when I'm around her but also with all my family members.
10) Something that combines a lot of the preceding points. I'm sorry Stef I left you lonely in our marriage. I really understand what you are saying as I'm loving with my parents. It's a good place to live, but it's just not the same without you Stef and the kids. I'm usually okay until about 6:00, about then I'm looking forward to that family interaction. About 6:00 I just want to chill with my family. I'm sorry for being self-involved on this, I should have noticed you more when you wanted some companionship. Those lonely times would have been a good time for romance or that 5 extra minutes. I also should have taken more initiative to notice when you were lonely, but also to recognize when you just wanted to be alone.
Other than my Mom's excellent fajita dinner and "Idol", my highlight of the night was moving my car in off the street. Wife and our kids, I desperately need you!
Babe I went to your facebook page and studied up on you some. I'm embarrassed by how much I don't know about you. If you gave me one more chance I'd put all this knowledge to use in my desire to romance, court and hopefully sweep you off your feet.
As my wife and I go through this journey, I'll keep this blog updated. I'm hoping this turns out to be a saving our marriage blog and not a divorce blog.
themusicaddict
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