A Pep In My Step, Homework

Hello,

Just a couple of notes from pop culture. The detective TV show "Castle" has been renewed for a third season. I'd never watched this show until my wife got me into it a few weeks ago. The slant on this show is that an author drives around with a detective as she solves crimes. That's how he gets ideas for his future novels. It's a pretty clever show. My wife got me into this show, now it's another show I can't watch because I'm reminded of her too much.

Also this from Entertainment Weekly's website. I thought this was pretty interesting.

"Stephenie Meyer will publish The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner, a 192-page novella centered on a newborn vampire introduced in the third Twilight novel, Eclipse, in June. The story chronicles the journey of villain Victoria’s newborn vampire army as they prepare to close in on Bella and the Cullens. It will be released at 12:01 a.m. on June 5 in hardcover ($13.99, with $1 from each sale going to the American Red Cross International Response Fund). From June 7 to July 5, fans will be able to read the book for free online at www.breetanner.com, which will also provide a link to the American Red Cross website where they can donate to support relief efforts in Haiti, Chile, and around the globe."

Anyway on to my homework now. First of all an update on how the divorce is going (very painfully). I imed with my wife this morning, hey we are modern people, and we finalized how we're going to split up everything in the divorce. That was pretty simple. This has been a relatively peaceful divorce, we both want to make things as healthy for our kids. We both love them very much, I didn't realize how much I loved my kids until I can hardly ever see them now.

I'm going by my wife's house tomorrow to box up some of my stuff and take it away. (That just makes the finality of this decision kick me in the gut again.) I then am taking my kids to my parent's house for a few hours so that I can see them. We also have a divorce class on Monday night, then a couple of weeks later our divorce will be final. I'm going to sign the final papers on Friday. Thank goodness for my counselor.

Why then do I have "a pep in my step" in the title of this blog. It's because I have felt like I'm in a holding pattern since I was asked to leave. But I had four great things happen to me today. 1) I talked with my counselor and I realized how much she's going to help me. 2) When I got home from that I had a call from a job I applied for, I have a job interview with them Thursday afternoon. 3) I've had another job lined up, but it doesn't start until May. Finally that job is now moving forward. Tomorrow I go in and fill out my paperwork and pick my schedule. 4) I was able to have a very nice conversation with my beautiful wife. I miss holding her in my arms and talking to her. The holding her in my arms is out of the question, but she always makes me feel so good when she talks to me. I love that woman so much.

I went to see my counselor for the second time today, she gave me some homework. First of all she gave me three books to check out on ADHD, something that has derailed both many of my jobs and my marriage. (I'm sorry again S.) She had to kick me out before I could see it, I now thank her for doing that. I've become much more of a man in the few weeks since my wife rightfully asked me to leave.

Anyway my therapist wanted me to think about how I've been living. Why is it that I've coasted so much? I said it's because I am lazy. She said that could be one explanation. The other explanation is that I'm afraid to put myself out there like I might be afraid of success. She also wanted me to examine why some times in my life I've been motivated. For instance, why did I graduate college, she says a lot of people drop out of college every day. Why did I keep on going? I kept on going until I finally graduated. With my history she seemed to be a little surprised by that.

Counseling isn't for the weak. She asks a lot of hard questions that I have to be honest with myself. I'm finding out a lot of painful things, but I'm going to be so much more the man when it's finished. I just wished I would have went several years ago when my wife asked. We might be a happily married couple now. Guys always listen to your wives, they always know what's going on. There's nothing you get past them.

Since I have to think about this issue I decided to write my blog about it today. I'm not blaming my parents but I grew up a very spoiled child. At some point I didn't make the changes to be a proper adult. I went from my Mom's house to my wife's house. I coasted along. Why? I think it's because I was use to one way and as my wife will tell you I'm not a big fan of change.

Why were there some times in my life where I was motivated, but most of the time I coasted along? I can think of a few times when I was motivated. Three conditions had to be met for me to be motivated 1) The goal had to be clear 2) There was a definite time frame and 3) there was a big payoff. For instance, with my beautiful wife, that's the prime example. I saw her and it soon became clear that we had chemistry, we had a whirlwind romance and quickly were engaged. She made me the happiest man in the world on June 11th, 1994.

Our engagement was six months long, it was a long engagement. There are so many things going on. However my goal was clear, marry this very beautiful woman. There was a definite time frame- June 11th, 1994. The payoff was big, the most gorgeous woman in the world was going to marry me. I'm still surprised, and very grateful, she made that decision.

Another time like that where I was very motivated is when I was trying to get my Securities License with Fidelity Investments. The goal, either pass the Series 7 and the Series 63 or lose my job. The time frame I had to have this very difficult information in my head for when the tests came around. The payoff I would be able to keep my job with Fidelity Investments, probably the best place I've ever worked.

Those are a few flashes of when I was very motivated. Mostly I just try to get by. I especially see this in my school career, I did just enough to graduate. Then in most of my jobs after that, I worked harder but still coasted. Then in the most important relationship in the world I mostly coasted. Instead of treating my wife like the princess she is, I coasted through the marriage with my eyes half closed. Instead of picking up on the cues she was giving me I completely missed them. Is it because I was ignoring them? Is it because I don't love her? No, it was because I wasn't understanding what she wanted. I completely missed it. Only when she had me leave did I have my ah ha moment.

Now I'm going through another one of those highly motivated times. Although it's an extreme long shot I was trying to get my wife back. I started going to counseling. That's a lot of hard work but I'm learning a lot about myself, plus its a place where I won't get hurt. I'm working on both keeping a job and learning how to keep a woman, the root cause of my issues with both is the same. The cause isn't ADHD, it's not learning how to be successful with ADHD. (It's that lazy, coasting behavior again.). I'm acclimating to a new ward, I have my temple recommend again and I'm taking my Priesthood seriously again. I'm getting ready to go to the temple for the first time in I don't know how many years. I know Satan is working against that as there is always something that comes up.

In this motivated time I'll be successful again. The goal learn how to treat a woman right, so that she'll want to stay in my life forever. She'll stay there because I'm doing the work and the things I need to do to so she'll be happy. (I just wish I would have done this earlier.) The time frame is nebulous: whenever the time is right. That actually might be good because I'll stay motivated longer this time. The payoff is huge, an eternally happy marriage. I'm in the midst of a lot of pain, but I'll come out of it a much better person. (Just as my beautiful wife pointed out to me when we were iming earlier. Seriously she's still my best friend, although I know I'm not her best friend. Another thing I'm kicking myself about.) Remember all people in relationships, friendship is the foundation for happiness in the rest of the relationship.

Don't be stupid like me.

themusicaddict