I now understand why people rebound when a relationship ends. At least for me, I have a big hole in my chest. I had our two youngest kids since last night up until 2:00 today. We watched a movie last night, put together puzzles and they slept over with me.
This morning we just hung out. This afternoon we went and ate at Burger King and then went to Castle Park (which is what my daughter calls a park in Kaysville, Utah). I was feeling brave driving to Burger King, thinking I can handle this divorce thing. As we got closer to house I realized how much I was lying to myself. After that I took them home and as we got closer to her house, that hole in my chest grew bigger and bigger. By the time we got to her house, I let the kids out of the car, made sure they got in the house safe and cruised. I could not wait to leave, it would have been just too painful to see her. See picture below to understand. That's the way she wants the kids to be exchanged.
As I was driving to her house I was thinking about how the guy gets the worst end of the deal with divorce by far. All my wife loses is me, which she didn't want anyway. She even is entitled to most of my income, which I have no problem with. I still want her to have food and the kids to be able to live in the house where they are. But I mostly lose my kids, I only get to see them two days a week. How is that fair? I also lose my pets, we have two big old dogs I loved so much. Dogs that I will rarely ever be able to see.
People rebound looking for someone to fill that hole in their life. I still love my wife very much. I also very much believe in the sanctity of marriage. Although the marriage is ending I'm not going to do anything to sully that. I'll be completely faithful until that horrid day our divorce is final. If I meet someone I will talk to them, but that's it. I'm pretty open about how it's going to work. Will it limit my contacts, yes. However I want to do it right. I don't want to meet potential mates in person or anything even remotely resembling dating until then. Then even then it will still be half-hearted, at least for a little while. I think this song describes what I'm feeling now:
The lyrics above are so close to how I feel, they give me goosebumps.
I don't know if I'll find someone that completes my life as much as my wife does. For hell's sake I still wear my wedding ring, that's how serious I take my wedding vows. The marriage will probably end long before I take my ring off. I had a good friend suggest to wait at least a year after the end of the relationship before dating again. And as another friend said, they didn't want to play the dating game again. This person is just going to wait until the Lord brings someone into their life. I certainly understand that, that's a lot of my dating strategy as well.
I again would just like to thank my wife again. Since she kicked me out I've been reminded of my responsibilities. I have my temple recommend for the first time in 4 years. I read the scriptures nearly every day now, whereas before I hardly opened them. I have a counselor, who will be able to help me a lot, to help me with all my issues. A counselor I should have got several years ago. (I can my wife nodding her head.) I've lost 18 pounds since I started my weight loss program, most of that after I got kicked out. I'm eating better, I now enjoy eating bananas on a regular basis. Although I can't wait until they are genetically injured to be as good as Doritos though. My next wife is going to get the benefit of all those lessons. That's if there is a next wife. (Again, again my wife is awesome, this is not to demean her in anyway. I'm just trying to explain how much I've lost and why I have such a big hole in my heart.)
This is what I use to have:
This is what I have now:
Now lets talk about rebounds, the basketball type. I'm not going to lie to you the Butler-Kansas State is going on right now. I'm sort of torn in who I want to win. Normally I would be cheering for Butler, a team from a so called mid-major conference. I can just see the headline now if they win, "The Butler Did It". I'm a bit torn in this situation though, after all Kansas State knocked out my beloved BYU Cougars. This KSU-Butler game is going to a very exciting ending. The other game today is West Virginia-Kentucky. I can't pick who I want to win in this game either. For one Kentucky is always good and that gets boring. Also they are the team that knocked out my alma mater, the U. of U., when the Utes were trying for a National Championship a few years ago. Then West Virginia has that reprehensible person Bob Huggins as their coach. One of the all-time biggest jerks in college basketball history.
It's much easier to pick tomorrowout of tomorrow's games. First we have Tennessee-Michigan St. I'm hoping Tom Izzo's MSU team makes it back to it's second consecutive Final Four. They give hope to all of Michigan, especially Detroit. Then in the last game of the day it will be Duke vs. Baylor. I probably won't watch it, but will be following it on the Internet. I'll be cheering for Baylor with all my heart. I dislike Duke for so many reasons I don't even want to start listing them.
Coming tomorrow my new Top Ten or Eleven "AI" list. Guess who's going to be number one. Yup, you're right.
themusicaddict
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