Hello,
I was feeling awful yesterday, walking around in a funk. I didn't feel like socializing. I wrote that blog yesterday afternoon and I didn't know what to do with all that pain, with that big hole in my chest. My wife read it. She was the one that left that less than complimentary comment on my blog. As much as I hate to say it, she's 100% right.
Ironically she lashed out me in her comment. I then noticed she was in her gmail chat account so I opened up conversation. We talked for about a hour then and over a hour later. Those two conversations helped me feel so good. She's letting her wall down a little bit around me. I want her with every ounce of my heart. But if I can't have that I would like her friendship. In spite of us tearfully getting a divorce she still is my best friend. She's my Balm of Gilead.
Thanks to wikipedia.com: Balm of Gilead is a balm (healing compound) made from the resinous gum of the balsam poplar (Populus candicans), a North American tree species. It takes its name from the allusive Biblical phrase "balm in Gilead", referring to the balm or balsam carried from Gilead by the caravan of merchants to whom Joseph was sold by his brothers (Genesis chapter 37). In all likelihood, this ancient trade item was what is now known as balsam of Mecca, produced from the tree Commiphora gileadensis (syn. Commiphora opobalsamum), native to southern Arabia.Balm of Gilead is used in skin care products for the treatment of eczema and dry skin.
The chances of us getting back together are extremely remote. However these pledges I will do no matter our relationship. Right now I'm going to make 10 commitments to her and our kids:
1) I will no longer call her names or make ridiculous accusations. I've said hurtful things in the past, mostly out of jealousy.
2) I will continually honor my Priesthood and be a Priesthood resource to my family from here on out. I'm always able to give any time of blessing, including blessings of comfort. We will be setting our second boy to the Priesthood in a couple of weeks. I look forward to it.
3) I will take my counseling seriously, to learn how to relate to people better. Also to learn how to find a good job and keep it.
4) I will always be there for you and our kids. Call me any time and I will help with anything.
James Taylor's "You've Got A Friend":
5) I will not let up in my temple responsibilities. I have my recommend now and hope to go to the temple this week. I will be helping someone else and myself. With this terrible situation going on in my life, I will be needing the peace that comes from the temple often.
6) Someday I'll start dating (I don't even want to think about it, all I want is my wife). I will only bring someone into my kids life that will be a loving parent and will get along with my still current wife. I'm in no hurry to be dating, I still have a lengthy recovery ahead of me.
7)
Songs about our relationship now. This first song has very little to do with my wife, other than the title. This song makes me think of her though.
Hinder's "Lips of An Angel":
The Commodores "Sail On": I watched the "Still" video. I hadn't realized how inappropriate it was. I apologize. The following two songs lyrics don't really apply to our situation, but the meaning and feeling of the song is right on.
The Commodores "Easy"
The Commodores "Three Times A Lady"
Do you think the Commodores had some commitment issues?
Queen's "You're My Best Friend":
Cheesy 80's video but the sentiment is accurate, the Scorpions "No One Like You".
themusicaddict
No comments:
Post a Comment